I have to manage my schedule better, make proper time for work, studies, social life and my hobbies but itās just so much for me at the moment, Iāve been falling behind in literally everything and ever since my break up I havenāt had any ground to stand on you know? Any sort of rock, even indulging in my hyperfixations have been draining me because it feels like a responsibility now and I donāt know what to do.
Iāve never been good with managing my shit and I aways relied on my head mates to be able to keep up with everything but I havenāt been able to interact with anyone itās been a few months now (usually we co-front a lot but now itās been more clean switches with full amnesia more than anything), itās just been so lonely and I havenāt been able to do anything but the bare minimum to keep myself sane, thereās one headmate I interact with sometimes and I got so attached to him because I guess it brings a sense of stability but I cannot physically let my own guard down and let him take over to help me out.
I guess Iām a bit of a control freak in a way, I donāt want people to help me because I should be able to do it myself? So I try to and I fail but Iām too stubborn to actually stop pretending that things are okay and let anyone help me.
It just feels like everything is about to blow up but looking for a way out is too much work, it requires a lot of discipline, responsibility and self awareness so itās easier to just accept it, brace for impact and try to pick myself back up later.