Mar 19, 2019
i can already tell i’m gonna be that adult being anxious about money and refusing to spend itÂ
#you know how i am looking into a semester abroad?#so i have anxiety in general which means this is pretty challenging already but i spent the whole day researching and it is SO expensive#we germans are very privileged because we don't pay uni fees and not a lot of money for school supplied#*supplies#and even though school fees would be covered in that exchange program canada is still so expensive#it stresses me out SO much#and i've developed this thing were i don't feel comfortable asking my parents even though they literally pay for me to live#but like...i save my pocket money and i try not to spend a lot ya know#so i can buy stuff i need myself without asking them#i know i should start working or something but believe me when i say i have panic attacks just thinking about it#dunno how to maintain my GPA nor am i good with meeting new people so ugh it's bad#i've been doing pretty okay lately and i feel motivated and i wake up early and im not in a depressive epiode but my anxiety won't leave#like sometimes i think i can handle it i just have to mediatet more etc but it seems to be too serious? idk#another thing that gives me anxiety is the marriage situation of my parents#like you'd think i'd be able to deal with it after a year especially since i'm an adult but nope#i don't think anyone realizes how much i struggle with it daily. it affects me so much and i've been trying to stay positive about it but#apparently i can't make myself believe my own fakery#i know everyone has their own struggles and concerns but it really does affect me so much. i try my best i really do#but as soon as i am a little stressed and overwhelmed i get full blown breakdowns and it's frustrating me because i want to be more mature#but i feel like i'm stuck somewhere where i can't get out and i don't know what to do#i know i have gotten a referral from my doctor for a therapist and i know i should call#but lol jokes on them using the telephone is one of my anxiety triggers#it has gotten better but it still takes time#so i'm waking up every morning thinking about how i should call today but i don't#and i don't know whether i can trust a male therapist? because i'm scared im gonna offend him if i say anything about my dad because i'm#really bitter about men#i need a journal so i stop venting on here#lol#anyway shit is expensive is what i wanted to say#katharina is talking
