#*lucien

Ugh the psychological dynamic is soooo mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmmhmh

for elain, it would be a relatively comparable reaction to vassa/lucien coming to light—except worse because iphigenia is of autumn and lucien specifically saved her and elain hasn't even heard the name iphigenia before. (bonus points if azriel, bitter after rhysand forbid him from elain, is the one to outright tell her about iphigenia<3 she sensed Something—a trapped rabbit, a benevolent fox, a shared den. but it meant nothing until azriel confirmed it for her.) she has no right to feel angry. she has no right to feel upset. she has no right to feel anything. she's been clear about wanting graysen, about not wanting lucien. sure, her rejection of this mating bond is really a manifestation of her rejection of being turned fae, her rejection of lucien is a choice she can cling to because she had one ripped screaming from her—but she doesn't have the capacity to recognize that. what she knows and can accept is: she made it clear she had no interest in him, and he is now fucking someone else, and she cannot be mad.

except that, of course, she is.

it shows in little things because her anger had always been silent as a human but now it's raging and loud inside of her overwrought faerie body. she's more snappish with those close to her: nuala and cerridwen, azriel, feyre and nesta. they share looks over her head because they think her too dim to notice. but she does. she notices so much more than she wants to nowadays. she's far more prone to frustration. she snaps the necks of a hundred flowers trying to prune them. she splits cast iron clean through trying to scrub it of the baked flour atop the enamel. she can feel lucien like mist, feel his lust, feel his affection for another, feel his guilt over another—but if he feels guilt, then why pursue that other at all?

except that, of course, elain knows why—because she has told him in no uncertain terms that she does not want him.

so elain subconsciously does things to necessitate lucien. to see how quickly he arrives at her side. so fast. every time. he's there in a blink. it feels better—it feels good, even, to know that he comes for her. the bond, so taut, relaxes when he does. gooey and warm. she pushes him away again because things feel fine inside her now. she was being silly before. she doesn't need him; she doesn't need this bond. he leaves—goes back to the human lands. where that other female is. that other female who knows her m— lucien as she never has. the bond gets angry. she gets angry. everything feels tense and tight and wrong again. she subconsciously does something to necessitate him. he comes, and the cycle perpetuates itself over and over.

i think with genia being actively harmed in the mix, lucien winds up calling elain out. either you want me or you don't, he tells her—and though he's firm, it's a plea: want me want me want me. but i can't keep doing this, elain. whatever this is. elain hears what he doesn't say: it hurts. because it hurts her, too. and it's been long enough now. maybe not long enough to accept being fae—but it has been long enough to accept that she doesn't want the pain. i want you, she tells him for the first time, and it's the same time she admits it to herself.

ohhh i think canonically lucien does have heir markers right?? i really like a vanserra dynamic where eris knew about loa's affair with helion prior to lucien's conception, so by the time lucien pops out, eris knows he isn't beron's. even plays a role in ensuring the affair ends. ( @buffy-vanserra's like the hungry crow in autumn is a phenomenal telling of this! ) so for a while things are fine because lucien's powers haven't manifested yet and the markers of day court heir haven't developed. then, of course, they do. eris knows lucien isn't actually a threat to him—but everyone else would assume it, except beron, who would then have a very narrow pool of males to suspect. so he and loa glamour those aspects of lucien until lucien's old enough to do it himself.

but if they couldn't be hidden! if someone spotted them before eris did! what an absolute nightmare situation LMFAO i feel like it potentially isn't unheard of for more than one fae to show markers as heir to a court, but it is extremely rare. eris arranges for some trusted lord to plant that seed in beron—this is a sign of your virility, of your might, to have sired two sons who could ascend you, we must celebrate, we must spread word far and wide. beron wouldn't believe it fully, but then he doesn't want to believe that even loa's childbearing belongs to another. a very tentative We All Know This Is A Lie scenario.

to make it worse, absolutely everyone would expect for eris to kill lucien. cunning eris. ambitious eris. ruthless eris. how could he let such a blatant and true threat stand when he's known for culling all others? so now eris has to walk this unwalkable like of keeping lucien safe, pretending to try to kill him, and failing at killing him in a way that still saves face and doesn't invite any doubt in his strength. like jesus christ u kno?? it would make his dynamic with his other brothers look like the brady bunch. sure they were trying to kill him, but that was just with the hopes the land would next pick them; they didn't have any actual markers. they weren't threats—they were flies to swat away. he didn't have to go on the offense. nobody expected him to. lucien though ... lucien he'd be expected to kill.

If if didn't, would him attending have changed anything? Would he try to talk to Adonia, befriend her at all?

he was!!! in fact that was probably the last big vanserra family event lucien attended before the jesminda incident occurred. he stayed through the whole event, but he was pretty self-contained—definitely didn’t bother putting on airs that he was flirting with females like he would have before jesminda. beron made a comment about it to eris during the revel that followed, just some sort of offhanded sneering remark over whether his youngest pup was lovesick. eris wanted to take lucien up by his scruff and give him a good shaking lmfao

carmine who serves as the emissary between autumn and winter; lucien who serves as the emissary of spring; and the high lord of winter at the time who Hates beron and invites them both to a banquet without telling the other they'll be in attendance. carmine who doesn't quite harbor any remorse for what happened to jesminda—what did lucien expect to happen? he knows their father as any of them do. a foolish mistake, a careless mistake, and the known consequences—and has always been the most distant brother but who can't stand the thought of a family member outright hating him; lucien who will never forgive any of his brothers for their roles in jesminda's death but who is so, so desperate not to feel anything anymore.

they see each other at the banquet, and lucien draws a dagger, which is what the high lord of winter wants: a public vanserra embarrassment to spread far and mock beron with. but court games are carmine's domain! lucien's, too, were he not so activated by this, the first glimpse of his family he's had since he lost his love. since he was the reason he lost his love. these thoughts drown him, and carmine takes that opportunity to sweep forth and greet little lucien with a thinly veiled but sweetly weaponized stop being a fucking idiot, surely you're aware you're doing exactly what is expected of us. lucien, indeed aware of the optics and eager to do well for tamlin as emissary so that tamlin will not forsake him, sheaths his dagger (but is not so foolish as to not expect to use it again tonight) and lets himself be sat down by carmine. right beside carmine. who at once begins to ply him with drink until he can playact better. cue the mistrusting glare from lucien, the sharp smile from carmine, who sips of the wine before pressing it back into the palm of his little brother—who is at least not so lost in himself as to be stupid. after a time, carmine—not remorseful! not guilty! but feeling some queer discomfort in his chest when he looks too long at lucien—sets a female in his lap, then a second at his side, as an attendant might feed their lord grapes.

here, a peace offering. eat of them and tell me you don't feel better during.

after all, who better to know how to fill the gaping hole where love ought to be with bodily pleasure and indulgence than carmine? and he's right! lucien doesn't feel much of anything but good with this much alcohol in his system, with his mouth and his hands so occupied, with his eyes closed and all thought restricted to how he is being touched. then, as always, the morning comes, and the reality of his grief and his guilt and his loneliness sets in. carmine knows that, too, in a way—how insubstantial a feast of the body can truly be and how it can pain the stomach to be so hollow so quickly. (he'll never be able to call a spade a spade the way lucien can.) where has your lord bid you next? he asks his brother, whose eyes have become nothing but haunt. lucien begrudges telling him, but he does, eventually. carmine has always had such a way with getting what he wants of people. i'll accompany you, carmine says. it will look good for us to be seen together—for the other courts to know there is not such hostility between us as to be exploited. it isn't an apology. it isn't anything, really.

I like to daydream about Lucien having to go to Eris for help (with Spring or Koschei or Both) and being all sully, Eris is grinning "Oh my little brother at last returns with his tail between his legs? Come to grovel for my aid? Mmmm Let me see if I can think of something" while genuinely cheering inside to see his baby brother well &/or thinking Night is wasting Lucien's potencial away and if Beron could just idk choke on his spit so Eris could get the throne AND get all His (remaining lol) Brothers Back in Autumn where they Belong

I love them bitter and resentful and petty but also need them Trying Anyway 😮‍💨