porsche's life becomes hell at 16 when his parents die and his best friend disappears. he's left to wade through life with paddle in one arm and his little brother in another. thorns never stop growing down his path but from time to time he feels like they're shaved blunt.
the first time he thanks god, at the tenth, he suspects kinn.
he's gets so angry he throws away the fifth miracle free meal he'd won that week. stupid, asshole, annoying, bastard anakinn.
three months into orphan hood, his skin gets thicker and he starts ignoring. because kinn is never coming back but his shadow is never leaving porsche. he hates it so much, he feels cursed by that one boy he wish he'd never came across in life.
over time the bleeding stops. his wound crusts over and sometimes porsche can almost pretend it never exists; like he's never known a boy named kinn, never known how bright he smiled or how sweet he smelled. never known the tragic tale that became them.
porsche grows up.
between breaking his back from picking up pennies and tearing skin from building white picket fence around porchay, he grows up.
the world doesn't get kinder. nor does it get worse with a theerapanyakun hovers over his head whether he likes it or not.
he gets used to it.
kissing asses after midnights, tending the bar and sometimes he drags pretty girls back for fun (mostly they drag him out); life goes by.
one more year till he sees porchay to college and that's all porsche's been counting down to from the day his parents dies. his pockets are scrubbed raw from poverty, his body aches, and mentally he lost himself sometimes back at 16 when -
he prefers not to think of it
the house they lived, he keeps. he wishes he could say from scraping the floor hard until his nails broke but the truth is something else
one day, he thinks. one day, if and when he sees anakinn - on earth or hell cause he knows they're both sinners - he'll grab him by the neck and demand why.
why the fuck did you leave but never did? why the fuck did you hurt me but protect me? what the fuck with the duality and contradiction? can you not stick with one? love me or hate me? what did you actually feel?
one day, he thinks.
except when that one day comes, kinn bleeds out in his arms and porsche's crusted old wound gapes open fresh anew.
