"Man, I can’t believe Dumbledore died", or: how robb stark survived the harry potter mania, learned to love the dark tower, found his soulmate regardless of his horrid spoiler soulmark and vowed to ban snape discourse from his life; theon/robb, pg13, CRACK ON A TOTAL STICK, no warnings whatsoever except that if you love HP please take this with the necessary irony;

so if in the soulmate au the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born imagine having something like ‘man I cant believe dumbledore died’ tattooed on you. imagine being spoiled for a book series that doesnt even exist yet. imagine worrying about this dumbledore guy your whole childhood while not knowing who he is. imagine knowing dumbledore dies before jk rowling even thinks about it.

&

So you finally find your soulmate. After years of knowing that dumbledore dies and the entire franchise being ruined, you find him. You’re in the theatre, dumbledore is dead and you hear it. ‘Man I can’t believe dumbledore died’ by a guy walking right by you and in you’re rage you shout ‘You! You’re the one!’ The guy stops, looks at you, his own arm to read the words, then back at you and he says, “That’s not really how I imagined that being said”

Which leaves me an evening free to open the crypt that is The Admirer. 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh dear, I guess I’m posting the thing, then.

(I’d run out of The Words by the time it came to thinking of a title, sorry.)

               who is she lying too, is actually TERRIFIED.  hopes it’s once of kol’s                awful jokes. gets her usual paranoia  she  a l w a y s  had  in  her  life.                 who  would  hurt  her  in  the  MIKAELSON MANSION  anyway?  yet                 again, they are pretty awful && she counts as  one  of  klaus’  l i t t l e                 bitches ( which she HATES ) could be anyone that would want  to  get                 rid her. she’d actually not feel as half as creped out if she  wasn’t  just                 with a towel around her body.