#*gagasan

... I fled my shitty high school to spend my days in New York lost in library stacks, reading obscure texts by dead people, most of whom never dreamed a face like mine floating over their sentences—and least of all that those sentences would save me.

I have never been able to believe that human affairs were serious matters. I have no idea where the serious might lie, except that it was not in all this I saw around me—which seemed to me merely an amusing game, or tiresome. There are really efforts and convictions I have never been able to understand. I always looked with amazement, and a certain suspicion, on those strange creatures who died for money, fell into despair over the loss of a “position”, or sacrificed themselves with a high and mighty manner for the prosperity of their family ... To be sure, I occasionally pretended to take life seriously. But very soon the frivolity of seriousness struck me and I merely went on playing my role as well as I could. I played at being efficient, intelligent, virtuous, civic-minded, shocked, indulgent, fellow-spirited, edifying ... I was absent at the moment when I took up the most space.

The more I accuse myself, the more I have a right to judge you. Even better, I provoke you into judging yourself, and this relieves me of that much of the burden.  Ah, mon cher, we are odd, wretched creatures, and if we merely look back over our lives, there’s no lack of occassions to amaze and horrify ourselves. Just try. I shall listen, you maybe sure, to your own confession with a great feeling of fraternity

Akibat riset yang kukerjakan, pikiranku diberondong dengan bencana sampah, bahaya krisis air, ancaman kepunahan umat manusia karena nuklir, dan hal-hal seram lain yang membuatku yakin dunia akan segera berakhir. Seorang ilmuwan meneliti kandungan air dalam sistem pembuangan limbah di London, dan menemukan konsentrasi amphetamine, methamphetamine, kokain, dan ekstasi yang sangat tinggi di Sungai Thames. Air seni dan tahi begitu jujur. Saluran pembuangan bagiku bagaikan buku harian yang menceritakan bagaimana manusia modern gemar mengunyah obat-obatan seperti kacang asin. Dunia menuju kehancuran dan manusia semakin sulit berbahagia.

The snake was a she, just like the snake charmer was a he. And she should dance and dance until he decides it is enough, and lets her crawl back into her basket. The venom is there, of course, in her saliva, but she wasn't taught how to spit on her oppressor. She was only taught to obey; to feel guilty she was a snake; and more importantly, to imagine that she was the one charming him. The perfect prey is the one unaware it is a prey. The cheating mirrors of human ego are irresistible.

"Baba, gadis-gadis di sekolah sedang membicarakan nyamuk raksasa yang meluncurkan roket dari langit." "Tidak, tidak, Sayang," jawabnya, "tak ada hal-hal semacam itu." Gadis itu mengamati wajah ayahnya. "Kalau begitu, suara bising apa itu?" "Itu nyamuk, tetapi tidak meluncurkan roket. Yakinlah. Langit hanya mengirimi kita hujan dan bunga, bukankah begitu?" "Ya, Baba. Dan serangga juga membantu bunga-bunga tumbuh. Ya, kan? Guruku memberi tahu kami tentang itu. Ia punya istilah khusus: drone. Itu bukan nyamuk sungguhan. Ukurannya jauh lebih besar—seperti pesawat, tapi enggak ada pilotnya. Drone itu menyemprotkan pestisida dari angkasa. Kalau aku besar nanti, aku mau jadi pengendali drone. Aku ingin menyemprot tanah lapang agar bebungaan dan pepohonan bisa tumbuh dengan cepat. Bayangkan memandang hamparan hijau itu di layar komputerku! Buzzzzz, buzzz—lihat, Baba! Aku jadi nyamuk."

Hillalum thought of the story told to him in childhood, the tale following that of the Deluge. It told of how men had once again populated all the corners of the earth, inhabiting more lands than they ever had before. How men had sailed to the edges of the world, and seen the ocean falling away into the mist to join the black waters of the Abyss far below. How men had thus realized the extent of the earth, and felt it to be small, and desired to see what lay beyond its borders, all the rest of Yahweh's Creation. How they looked skyward, and wondered about Yahweh's dwelling place, above the reservoirs that contained the waters of heaven. And how, many centuries ago, there began the construction of the tower, a pillar to heaven, a stair that men might ascend to see the works of Yahweh, and that Yahweh might descend to see the works of men. It had always seemed inspiring to Hillalum, a tale of thousands of men toiling ceaselessly, but with joy, for they worked to know Yahweh better. He had been excited when the Babylonians came to Elam looking for miners. Yet now that he stood at the base of the tower, his senses rebelled, insisting that nothing should stand so high. He didn't feel as if he were on the earth when he looked up along the tower. Should he climb such a thing?

Not everyone stands on top of cliffs wondering how many people have jumped. Not everyone feels like crying when they see a room full of people with plastic lids on their to-go coffee containers. Not everyone is doing background checks on people they date, and pity is not everyone’s first response when they receive a wedding invitation.