#*episode discussion.

i hope that next season sees some changes for emma because HOLY shit. emma’s people pleasing backfires on her in almost every relationship she has, but she hasn’t yet changed her ways??? this happened with her mom, with justine, and with sam!!!

speaking of sam. the whole thing with people pleasers is that they are trying to control other people’s perceptions and it leads to them thinking of others as less of an autonomous person. emma never considers that maybe sam would have differing opinions than her because she’s so caught up in being good enough.

in their fight, emma is distraught because she is just trying to help. she did all the things people pleasers do: she was overly-caring and giving and self martyring (“i risked everything for you”). it doesn’t work. the shame from the realization that sam, who she thought really believed in her, was able to see through her people pleasing AND the shame from her people pleasing never working in general is what made her feel just SO small that she was able to shift sizes without the ritual of purging.

thinking about “i know you don’t mean that.” SO JUICY bc i don’t think sam fully believes all of it and a logical part of her knows that too. but she is SO self critical and has such low self esteem that she doesn’t believe what she’s saying as it’s coming out of her mouth, you can HEAR it. she really doesn’t know how anyone feels about her and he hit the exact right chord to confuse her

interesting character flaw on sams end! i think he was trying to drive her away but also, like with the supe supremacy shit, he’s hurt that she is trying to smooth over the things he’s experienced, so he wants to hurt her back. he literally takes a deep breath and searches for the right things to say to hurt her feelings and he does it with incredible accuracy??? alright guy chill

back to emma. GETTING SMALL WITHOUT THROWING UP OHHH BABY! clawing my own eyes out. UGH it’s like. i think it just shows that she felt SO small when her mom showed her how to purge that she just got small. and every time after that, she felt smaller and smaller. in ep3 her mom is harassing her about her eating and she says “you’re looking a little small.” i took that as her nitpicking but i actually just think she was feeling a little goddamn smaller while under interrogation!!!!

OKAY so first of all it’s so funny that emma and sam literally were just fucking and committing acts of verbal and physical assault all episode.

secondly, i wish that there had been more of a build up and more time to develop bc i see what the writers were doing but they haven’t given the characters enough time to really earn the moment they had. my personal belief is they were so rushed because i think someone (emma) is probably not making it to season two!!!! it’s really frustrating because i think the connection between emma and sam is so sweet and well thought out and could mean so much. but that shit is being pushed too fast!!! however i live in pretend land where i can just pretend they’ve known each other longer and/or this moment happened further into their relationship bc IN DEFENSE OF THE FUCKING!

the episode was set up the way it was because everyone was facing traumas in their own ways. it was really funny and jarring to jump from traumafest to the hets making out BUT (!!!!) hear me out! it wasn’t just a sexual awakening for them! marie/jordan/andre/cate are all very avoidant of their trauma and aren’t acknowledging it in their daily lives. they literally need to walk through the memories and the feelings they felt to process the moment and actually face what happened to them. whereas sam and emma are so open with their trauma to themselves and others.

emma opened up about her biggest secret to the FIRST person who seemed to take her seriously. she was willing to be fetishized by gross guy in ep1 rather than have someone be displeased with who she really is! she was terrified of people finding out about the way she changes size because she thought it made her unlovable. she thought it took away from her ability to be a good person because she was doing something shameful and, in her words, gross! sam saw emma at her worst (the day of her biggest secret being leaked to the world, the night she was exploited a step too far by her mom and subsequently cut off her family, the moment of her first kill) and not only did sam accept it, but he revered it!!!! believed she was a real hero and a good person!!!! everyone she is shown to be intimate with has exploited her and made her feel small (haha). with sam, emma is able to be open and honest about who she is without being the butt of the joke or looked at as a goofy sidekick! not only that, she got to be in control of the situation!!!!! fuck!