#*beloved mutuals

i am currently in university, studying computer science engineering, it's an open credit system so my schedule is truthfully very sporadic and changes a lot on the go; quizzes, midterms, projects, etc. get dumped on me at the last minute, and my priority is to always keep my attendance and coursework in check as i do intend to do well in my undergrad from day one!

about myself, to explain my neuroses simply: i have debilitating anxiety - general, academic, social, panic and i have fibromyalgia. both of these truly influence my own capacity from day to day, and i am susceptible to nervous breakdowns, burnouts, and depressive episodes if i'm unchecked. i try my best to manage everything so i can keep up with everything long term sustainably, and not just crash and burn and revive and crash again.

nowadays i am in the habit of replying to messages as well as doing some replies at various times in uni, during my commute, what have you. i'm talking typing out a reply in class because i've finished my work 20 minutes early sorta situations. i do this because i am aware that i tend to be very tired getting home, and once i lay down in bed, there's no knowing what i'll end up doing, honestly

during the weeks i have several days off or when i have a long break, that's when i usually feel ready to take on the mindset of doing longer replies

there is no hard and fast rule to all of this, all of this is context building for me to say:

i think i want to be honest and say i'm completely fine with being the type of rper who constantly starts new threads, so long it's mutual. like i write you a starter, you write me a reply, then a new day starts, you send me a bunch of prompts, i comment on your posts, that sorta thing. reciprocal over transaction, you know? whatever our time, schedules, and moods manage

if you are completely okay with this method and also find it stressful to go through older drafts, then i'm giving you the permission to put our older threads on a burner and just do spontaneous shit with me for fun. we can do parallel play where i rp in just dialogue and you rp in prose because you hate writing dialogue and i hate writing prose. you can loosen up formatting for me if you don't care, and i also don't really care about formatting at all, mine or yours,

i also genuinely want to try and take an interest in you. if you're here for just roleplaying, that's fine, but to a reasonable degree, i just enjoy co-existing with folks i don't write with all the time because we engage with each other and have nice interactions!

my only request would be is to please just? communicate. perfection is the enemy of good. if i constantly reach out via prompts, comments, likes, messages, offering ships/plots, etc, please know a simple "hi sans! thanks for your interest, i'll circle back to you, i'm cramped these days" or anything would suffice. i genuinely do not like feeling like i'm second fiddle to someone's hyperfixation or i'm just here to be c.ai or a chatbot where i hype up and i don't even get an acknowledgement of my presence T_T

that said, i do try to give the benefit of the doubt because sometimes, life doesn't get resolved in days, weeks, even months, years. roleplaying is a hobby among other things and i do not want to be parasocial and think people's online life is their entire facet and business, if that makes sense?

if i let someone go, then it's usually because i do not think we are compatible and we shouldn't try to force something lest that leads to resentment, and instead focus on the people we vibe with! i do not mind if someone breaks mutuals with me, i might get confused or hurt, but ultimately, i do not want to spend my limited time and energy and mental estate begging for people to stay, because i want to hype up the people who Do care or are sweet to me or notice me, honestly. i do not see breaking mutuals or even blocking as inherently negative or a "we can never hang out again" way, honestly. it sucks, but time does pass, for worse and for better

i want to Be the annoying initiator and ask people for their perspectives and encourage people to do dumb texting rps or social media memes or dash crack or whatever with me, i want to be a platonic rp cupid/matchmake for my friends so that my favourite people can find each other too and have fun outside of me, i want to support yalls books and small businesses and research papers, and i want to Understand characters in general from outside my comfort zone because i just like storytelling and humanity as it is! i set my boundaries for my peace of mind, but i truly want to treat rping and ocs and storytelling and canons as a ... communal thing, really. not a competition for most ships, most hotness, most popularity, whatever

i have a huge "out of mind out of sight" memory i'm sorry my RAM / working memory and my time management skills SUCK i'm so sorry

no pressure tags: @billyandhismultiples @djdivius @danversiism @s4vior @soleiltm @hywelimawr @hexappe4l @ncverdie @sm4llville @showgal @thrownsoul @legion-transcendent @cptbrit @vespert1nes @suredid @maximummuses @supraxstcllas @xfthemist @cloakdagger @st4rb0ltz @dividedbybinaries @crownlcsking @predctory @draconeusmuses @auroradicit @godblooded @apolytia @apotheotica @redvipersz @mastcrmarksman @heroeslot @ororoe @wizzos @bluebeadle @freezegirl @falsedk1ng @iobartach @particlecreator @agent-birkins @agentinred @compelledcurator @psyknife @daemondaes @darlingrat @vaiiantiy + anybody else who'd like to join, please do tag me! i'd love to see your response 🩵

notes of clarification:

left side represents what she looks like when she's trying to pretend to be a civilian (during a mission and whatnot), right is when she's actually a civilian

drawing is a secret hobby of hers, she will take that to the grave, she can't let people know she owns a drawing tablet either she's not an ipad baby (she prefers that over carrying a fuckass laptop to her teaching job and back everyday)

she is not a journalist 🙂‍↔️

she has a soft spot for cats, juice boxes, and her emotional support dictionary, apparently

can we pretend that the pink monster emergy drink is actually diet zesti cola that's what she really drinks 💔

helena does use digital banking and atms often in her actual life, surprisingly enough

water deodorant and masks are important to her Always; she's on birth control or uses a tracker anyway tbh so she just omits the whole issue of that at the source LMAO