ruth and audrey but ruth latches onto audrey because audrey is her one familiar space after the childhood they had. because despite how insane the cult was, it was familiar to her — and familiar meant good. meant safe. there were rules to follow and a structured world, no matter if it was a cage, no matter if it wasn’t really safe at all. it made her feel secure. and then on the other hand you've got audrey who so desperately wanted to run far, far away — she had studied like her life depended on it to get away from that town, that orphanage, the graves of her parents, those memories.
ruth and audrey but when they meet at university, audrey is nothing if not nervous and excited for her new life while ruth feels disoriented, alone, confused without the structure of her usual life. because even though it’s been years since the incident, old habits die hard and while audrey has lane, ruth has no one. audrey is all she has in her eyes. and the worst part is how audrey knows — knows what ruth is trying to feel and accomplish — tries to be her best friend. and it helps a little, the bonding, but that’s why audrey feels so guilty despite ruth’s betrayal. because she knows how much ruth lacked what she had.
ruth and audrey but audrey is everything ruth could never be. she is beautiful and kind and sweet, she is like the sun in ruth's world, and ruth hates her just as much as she craves her. how dare audrey be okay and how dare audrey be able to live in this world when every step ruth takes away from her cult and her beliefs feels like stepping out of her own skin?
ruth and audrey but when ruth met malek she felt it again, that racing of her heart she had come to associate with her friend. he made her feel safe because what he said was familiar, what he said was what she knew, and he was like every man from her childhood; powerful and religious and cruel. it was a slow acting poison into her mind and her heart from there because ruth was already so vulnerable, it didn't take much for malek to make ruth turn right back to his side and try to get audrey to come to the church because ruth already despised audrey so much —
ruth and audrey but the guilt, the craving, the desperation only set in years later when audrey was already split open on the altar. blood down mattted brown hair, blood down the broken bridge of her nose, blood over smooth skin now torn open, blood over what used to be and perhaps will be her only solace in this life. (never mind that audrey never wanted to be that solace anyways.) it doesn’t feel worth it anymore. her heart feels caught in her throat as she watches, trembling like a bird caught in a trap, and that’s when the angel comes.
ruth and audrey but no matter how much ruth loves or hates audrey, audrey's heart — and destiny — are elsewhere; ruth and audrey but no matter how much ruth loves or hates audrey, ruth will always be more of a worshipper to the beast.
