#*asouememe

around here, people decide whether something is in, which means it's stylish and appealing, or out, which means it’s not. and it changes all the time. why, just a couple of weeks ago, dark was out, and light was in, and you should have seen this neighborhood. you had to wear sunglasses all the time or you'd hurt your eyes.

now, baudelaires, i am about to show you one of the most important scientific collections in the history of the world. spies and rivals in the world of herpetology would eat nine garter snakes to get a glimpse of the wonders inside this room. this door has been installed with a top-of-the-line security system. you can’t get inside unless you have nineteen keys, three combinations, two fingerprints, and one optical scan. or, as i share with my most trusted associates … by turning this doorknob right here.

i cherished, you perished. the world’s been nightmarished.

dead women tell no tales. sad men write them down.

i don’t want to live in a place with so many rules, or a place with so many crows. i’m floating away from here, and i’m taking these five children with me. the baudelaires and the quagmires have had a horrible time since their parents died. the village of fowl devotees ought to be taking care of them, instead of accusing them of things and chasing them through the streets.