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- No one ever called me Leo before. I mean, I know it's not a big legal point, but even in kindergarten they used to call me Bloom. I never sang a song before. I mean with someone else, I never sang a song with someone else before.
Now, I love Orson. I will always love Orson. Nothing can change that. And I know that he worked all over the shop to get cash to make his own films, and so The Trial and Chimes at Midnight exist in the 60s. However, the further into his career you go, the harder (both emotionally and physically) it becomes to be a completist, nose- and film-wise. It’s not often I feel like a Shakespearean tragic hero, but to paraphrase Macbeth I am in noses stepp'd in so far that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er. I fear the shine has gone off the putty, somewhat.Â
Still, onwards! Faint heart never won fair nose.Â
David and Goliath [d: Ferdinando Baldi, Richard Pottier, Orson Welles 1960]
Character: KIng Saul
Nose: Fake
Orson kicks off the decade in biblical style, full on blobby fake nose, mullety wig and greyed up beard. Saul doesn’t come out of the bible well, filmmaking doesn’t come out of this film well.Â
Crack in the Mirror [d: Richard Fleischer 1960]
Character: Hagolin / Lamerciere
Nose: Real/Fake
Three actors in two stories, and two noses for Orson.Â
Austerlitz [d: Abel Gance 1960]
Character: Robert Fulton
Nose: Fake
A rare occurrence of a fake blobby nose unadulterated by any other stagecraft. I have a theory that during the 1960s, the longer the film, the shorter Orson’s cameo in it is. Also it’s usually dubbed or in french/italian/german.Â
Orson’s second go at Ben Franklin, and the makeup/wig/glasses/nose are remarkably similar to the first version.Â
The Tartars [d: Richard Thorpe, Ferdinando Baldi 1961]
Character: Burundai
Nose: Fake
You know things aren’t going to be great when Victor Mature is playing a Viking (come back Tony Curtis, all is forgiven!). Orson goes for his subtle fake nose, but teams it with diagonal eyebrows, a pointy beard and some A-MA-ZING angular styling to yet again steal the show.Â
The Trial [d: Orson Welles 1962]
Character: L’avocat
Nose: Real
This is the stripped-back Orson makeup: real nose, real face, real hair, all very understated and modern (you can tell by looking this is an early 60s film, in a good way) - Josef K is a contemporary man.
Ro.Go.Pa.G [segment d: Pier Paolo Pasolini 1963]
Character: The Director
Nose: Real
Unadulterated Orson (with bonus glasses!) playing very seriously an ‘all for art’ director - you can never say Orson was precious about himself.Â
The VIPs [d: Anthony Asquith 1963]
Character: Max Buda
Nose: Fake
A slightly over-padded nose to go with his slightly over-the-top character, plus moustache and a great fur coat, all in glorious technicolor with an all-star cast.Â
Orson going the whole hog in this one, with nose, extra-wiggly beard, corked eyebrows and a really rather natty hat.Â
Chimes at Midnight [d: Orson Welles 1965]
Character: Falstaff
Nose: Fake
What’s great about this fake nose is that it’s not too much: it’s bulbous and slightly drunken, rather like its owner. There is a lot of thought in this nose, unsurprisingly, as Orson always gave Shakespeare a lot of thought.Â
So Orson’s a Swedish Consul in wartime Paris (obvs) and apparently that looks remarkably like unadulterated Orson.Â
A Man For All Seasons [d: Fred Zinneman 1966]
Character: Cardinal Wolsey
Nose: Fake
AMFAS is the story of Thomas More (the amazing Paul Schofield), so you may not be surprised to see Wolsey looking less than lovely: he’s a sweaty, bloated, pigeon-nosed brute of a man.Â
Casino Royale [d: Ken Hughes, John Huston, Joseph McGrath, Robert Parrish 1967]
Character: Le Chiffre
Nose: Real
The best part of this is that Orson is all himself (beard hair and nose all real) to the point where he actually does magic tricks at the blackjack table.Â
The Sailor from Gibraltar [d: Tony Richardson 1967]
Character: Louis de Mozambique
Nose: Real
FEZ! Yeah it’s a real nose, and stubble, and not a real accent, but mainly this is all about the fez.Â
I'll Never Forget What's'isname [d: Michael Winner 1967]
Character: Jonathan Lute
Nose: Real
Another in the surprisingly common list of Unadulterated Sixties Orson, although he also wears a cape (yes!) and is horrid to Oliver Reed (double yes!)
The Immortal Story [d: Orson Welles 1968]
Character: Mr Charles Clay
Nose: Fake
As if to compensate, Orson pulls out all the panstick stops for this one, as the wealthy, aged merchant, all long insidious nose, red eyes, and stage-level forehead lines and moustache.Â
Oedipus the King [d: Philip Saville 1968]
Character: Tiresias
Nose: Fake
If you’re gonna be a Greek legend, you may as well go the whole hog and throw everything at it. (In direct contrast to C-Plum, as Oedipus, who mainly seems to have taken almost everything off *sobs about the terrible picture quality of this film*)
House of Cards [d: John Guillerman 1968]
Character: Leschenhaut
Nose: Fake
One of Orson’s pointy narrow straight fake noses (my least favourite kind) but otherwise everything is Orson’s own.Â
Kampf um Rom [d: Robert Siodmak 1968]
Character: Justinian
Nose: Real
It’s almost as though, with that frown/beard/crown combo he’s revisiting the glory Macbeth, two decades on. Almost. Excellent curly Romain hair there, Orson.Â
Tepepa [d: Giulio Petroni 1969]
Character: Colonel Cascorro
Nose: Fake
One of the best fakes: bulbous and sweaty and almost unnoticeably fake. Throw in the well-used Ghengis Khan stylee tache and even in the most walk-through of role, Orson looks the part.Â
The Southern Star [d: Sidney Hayers 1969]
Character: Plankett
Nose: Real
A rare example of a bad-guy role with no putty (for the first instance of this, see The Third Man) and no other adulteration.Â
12 + 1Â [d: Nicolas Gessner 1969]
Character: Maurice Markau
Nose: Real and Fake (Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde)
Orson having his cake and eating it, as an adorably camp actor (with real nose) playing Jekyll and Hyde onstage (with rea/lfake noses and all the stage slap he can lay his hands on).Â
The Battle Of Neretva [d: Veljko Bulajic 1969]
Character: Senator
Nose: Real
Orson is a Chetnik senator in WW2 Yugoslavia (obviously) so he throws in an accent along with the awesome hat, but surprisingly sneaks in his real nose over that (also real) beard.Â
SO! Dear god is everyone still awake? Seriously the 60s are a struggle, apart from a few highlights. The 60s tally is real 11: 14 fake  bringing the total so far up to real 22: 31 fake.Â
Join me next time (when I’ve recovered from the sixties) for the 70s, a time of... oh god, I don’t know any more. Lots of films of varying quality. But that’s ok, right now I’m just here for the noses. Â
