drabble ( 001 ) for daisy mae. | her victim impact statement. read out loud at her ex-husband's hearing. CW for child loss, grief, brief mention of suicidal thoughts due to grief, mentions of abuse & neglect, very brief mention of vomit { not explicit }.
word count: 1,592.
◤ DAISY MAE. ◢ ⇢🍒🚬┇ somehow she's managed to gather the broken pieces of herself and put them back together long enough to be standing at this podium, in a stuffy room. the sweater she grabbed without looking itches her skin. she can feel all the eyes in the room on her, but she keeps her attention on the judge as she starts to read her statement out loud. she's written and rewritten it multiple times.
rough drafts where the ink is so badly smudged with her tears that the words became ineligible are still crumpled up at the bottom of a waste basket, along with the few items of half eaten food she forced herself to consume just to stay alive. always at the plea of her great aunt. daisy mae loathes herself for making that wonderful woman worry so much but she just can't bring herself to ... want to keep going.
❝ your honor i am here today not only as a grievin' mother but as an advocate and voice for my daughter who should still be here today, who would still be here today if not for the neglectful and careless actions of the defendant. --- nathaniel parker is my ex-husband && was the father of my daughter; mabel marie h-...hudson. ❞ her voice wavers as she reads out loud, a lump in her throat forming. but it isn't until she says her name out loud that her voice cracks and her vision blurs with tears. the next words get caught in her throat.
her hand flies to her mouth, just barely muffling the sob that escapes from the depth of her soul. the entire room is so silent, you could hear a pin drop as the cliche goes. ❝ sorry, i'm sorry ❞ she manages to say through her tears, to which the judge shakes his head sympathetically. ❝ there's no need to apologize miss hudson. take your time. ❞ god how she wishes the judge in this room had been the judge in family court, she's certain he would have seen nathan for what he was. an abusive && controlling man who only wanted partial custody of a child he proved he didn't care about, solely to keep himself in his victim's life. but the judge who had presided over that case did give him partial custody and now she's here.
❝ on july 26th [ 20XX ] at 12:37 PM two police officers were poundin' on my door, tellin' me to go with them because my sweet girl was actively bein' rushed to the hospital in critical condition, because her father had left her in the back of his car during a heatwave. at 1:20 PM i was given the news that they weren't able to revive her, that there was nothing more they could do. ❞ she pauses, heavy sobs muffled behind her hand. a fresh, festering wound being repeatedly stabbed at.
daisy mae looks at her ex-husband, although her face is stained with tears && her eyes are red and puffy, the pure hatred and disgust for him in her glare forces him to look down. she no longer looks at him with any fear, and that's what gave him any power over her during their short marriage. he withers under the weight of her contempt for him like the spineless coward he truly is.
❝ ...she was left in the back of the defendant's car in 97-98 degree weather with no AC on or even a window left open. within just ten minutes the temperature inside of his car reached 115 degrees. i've come to learn that when his angel of a neighbor saw her && broke the window to get to her, that her skin was bone dry to the touch. and that she...she'd vomited on herself. by the time she was found, the temperature inside had reached 130 degrees. and my baby was barely hanging on by a thread. my ex-husband ? inside his house taking a damn afternoon nap in an air-conditioned room, in a cozy bed. while a two year old sat alone in a hot car, his car. suffering from heat stroke, actively dying.
it was her second day with him for his designated weekend. by the time she reached the hospital her extremely faint pulse no longer existed, by the time she reached the hospital it was a matter of tryin' to bring her back. trying to beat death && reverse the clock. my heart aches for the doctors and nurses, the first responders, and his neighbor who all made attempts to save my baby. and i'm so grateful to them for their efforts. the doctor told me that mabel hung on as long as she could, longer than he'd seen before.
that doesn't surprise me, my girl was stubborn and tenacious. i often wonder if she was trying to wait for me. && as undeniably excruciatin' as it would have been to be with her when she...when she died, i still wish i had been. i could have held her in my arms, and she would have passed knowin' she was so loved, i would have kissed her beautiful face and stroked her hair, told her mama's right here ladybug. god, i love that little girl so much, more than anyone or anything. and losing her ? has been and will forever be the most painful thing i've ever endured.
i still wake up in the morning and have that split second of peace where i ... i forget, that split second where i almost expect her to come into my room for a morning cuddle before breakfast. but then it hits me like a damn train going full speed. && it's like bein' back in that hospital bein' told those words over and over again, we're so sorry miss hudson but mabel didn't make it. we tried everything we could. ❞
a handful of people are wiping tears from their eyes with tissues, the judge has kept his focus almost entirely on daisy mae. though once or twice he shoots a withering look towards nathaniel.
❝ your honor and the court know the details about her death, but i'd like to tell you about mabel as a person. mabel was an extrovert, like most two year old children she was confident and rarely shy. she loved bugs and animals, painting, arts && crafts...she loved disney princesses, carebears and dinosaurs. loved playing with mama's makeup and being outside, especially in the garden. she loved dragons and fairies, she loved reading books with me. her favorite color alternated between pink and rainbow. it's not just me or her great-great auntie that lost something so precious. the world lost someone who undoubtedly would have grown into an incredible person. it hurts me so badly that i won't get to experience her as a teenager or adult, not even as a preschooler or kindergartener.
mabel was almost completely potty trained by the time of her death, i still have her chart on the bathroom wall with her princess stickers all over it. and barbie doll up in the closet i was gonna surprise her with for filling it all out. she was so close. rarely had any accidents, only wore a pull up during the night or her nap just in case. now it's just one of the first of many milestones i won't get to celebrate with her. i won't ever get to ugly cry at her first day of school, or attend her high school && college graduations, help her pick out her dream wedding dress if she ever would have chosen to get married...
i wanted to take her place, i kept prayin' ... please god take me instead. please let her live. please bring her back. she has so much life left to live, it isn't ... it isn't f-fuckin' fair. she's just a baby. she's only been here for a minute. i'm ready to go instead, just take me.
i'm here today to fight for justice for her, and to press for the maximum sentence for nathaniel parker. my little girl cannot fight for herself but i can && will put the broken pieces of myself back together over and over as long as i need to to fight for her, to make sure everyone knows what this poor excuse for a human bein' did. nathaniel, i'm speaking to you directly. you vile, disgusting, putrid fucking creature. look at me when i speak to you, it's the least you can do. or are you unable to look me in the eye now that there's no fear there ? only hatred. you coward.
and i do hate you. i hate you so much. you better count your blessings that i'm not allowed to be alone with you. because i'd happily go to prison if i could beat your fuckin' ass to a pulp. sometimes people close out their statements by saying they forgive the defendant or they have to forgive them to move on. but i'm making it clear to you right now, i do not forgive you && i will never forgive you. after today i will never speak to you again. you are dead to me. the only news i want to hear about you ? is the news of your death so i can celebrate. ❞
her anger and her grief are visceral, and at the root of it all her sheer agony undeniable. every person feels it in their chest, an aching tightness. a lump in their throat. her gaze only softens when she looks to the judge once more, ❝ thank you for letting me speak here today your honor. this concludes my prepared statement. ❞
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