#* route01.

                  it’s the kind of day that slogs upon the soul. rika is tired, tired, feeling more like a picked at scab than her own person. seeing how the sun has barely even begun to set upon the horizon, she doesn’t understand how there are still more hours to go before she can go to bed. there are things she needs to do and get done, yes, but it is difficult to call forward her usual outward zest and open up her emails. it’s how it always feels after she visits the therapists and speaks ; she isn’t used to putting to words the darkness from inside, and whenever she does it feels like the claws dig into her heavier, deeper. v thinks it’ll help, but she feels more brutal, more ripped apart into two, more -–– more of less of a person.

                  she sighs, getting a mug of tea for herself and trying to quiet the buzzing of her head. days like this have her shoulders hunched. days like this she is glad for an empty house, because she can’t allow anyone to see this weakness of her own self. days like this are too long, too frequent and too overwhelming. it’s the kind of day where she can’t look anyone in the eye -–– not even her own reflection. but eventually, she does. has to, because in the way that she’s been avoiding it, she almost feels drawn to stand in front of the mirror and face herself. something feels and seems -––– off. she figures it’s the way her words she was forced to spew lay upon herself. rika shakes her head.

                  rejection is rejection, no matter the context. it always stings the same, despite the fact that rika had a inkling what jumin’s answer would be. despite the fact that she shouldn’t ask him to dance, shouldn’t want to dance with him, should instead take the time at this party to talk with the guests she spent months emailing and perhaps, like he said, ask v. still, she can’t help but ask. like he is a test subject to analyze ( and she is sure her eyes zero in on him more after she asks, as if she could take in his every movement, his every hidden emotion and thought ). like she is just a girl asking a friend to dance with her for a song. but that isn’t perhaps all that stands between them.

                  it is not fair of her to ask. no, she knows that. but still she does, and still it stings the way he brushes her off. she swallows, and sighs.

                  the app seems quiet, and rika isn’t surprised that there is only one other member awake and on right now. she wonders if luciel is still at the apartment, or if he finished up his work as she looks at his avatar. the others don’t even know he’s at the location, that she’s meeting up with him tomorrow to go over the new security details. and she won’t tell them. something like this is only a need to know basis, and the others definitely don’t need to know. secrets help keep others safe, the ones that don’t need to know. she opens the chat.

                  RIKA HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM.

                 (     RIKA     )

                  no, that won’t do. jumin han is being jumin han, and rika watches with a slight pout as he walls himself up. her eyes flick to watch the details of his hand movements, and she doesn’t laugh at his attempt at a joke. they are always terrible, but sometimes she finds humor in them. sometimes she will laugh – whether of truth or pity. not this one though.

                 ❛     i am allowed to worry for you, jumin.                  we are friends.       ❜

                 a step closer -–– almost. she almost takes it but she stays back and leaves the space between the two. his walls are there and strong. she doesn’t dare. rika looks away and feels the scraping of the darkness inside of herself. the kind of murkiness she tries to keep hidden around friends. rejection, even if it is meant as a friend, has a way of doing such a thing. she reaches for his working hand to still it,clasping upon it, not smiling.

                  RIKA HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM.

                  rika pauses, frowns for a second at the nearly empty chatroom. out of all the members of her rfa, jaehee kang is definitely the one that seems the furthest from her. the relation of being jumin’s assistant is the only link to rika, a feeling eclipsed by the others. still, rika pushes those thoughts away and breaks the ice in the chat messenger, typing to the other.

                 [ RIKA ] jaehee. i hope work is going well.

                 [ RIKA ] did you get my latest update for our guest? the party is in a couple weeks and we still have a decent amount to prepare.