Six controversial F.R.I.E.N.D.S opinions that I formed during a re-watch
Today marks 30 years since the Pilot episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S first aired. Happy Anniversary to one of the best show's of all time!
A few years ago, when I learned that my partner hadn't seen a single episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I forced him into watching the whole series, every single night, for months.
Obviously, he was critical at first. However, I soon witnessed what the true magic of this sitcom was - the characters. Once the viewer understands and connects with each of the six main protagonists (which may take a season or two), suddenly the comedy and the warmth becomes so much more brilliant.
I could see a brand new fan in the making as we watched the show together, and it became obvious to me just how important the long-term watching was. The show is riddled with running inside jokes based on the character's distinct personalities and their history in past episodes.
This is why you constantly hear of people saying that they watched one or two episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and "didn't find it that funny", or the that the classic laugh track is annoying, or maybe that the characters were insufferable.
A casual viewer probably doesn't understand what is so funny about Joey sabotaging his own audition, Phoebe revealing something crazy about her past, Ross explaining how many divorces he's had, Monica tensing up at any sign of disorganisation, Rachel getting emotional over trivial things, or Chandler always having to have a sarcastic comment for any situation. But, for a fan who really knows these people, these running personality traits and archetypes are a result of the character's shared experiences and adorable friendship, getting funnier the more you watch the same jokes being developed.
However, it has now been three decades since the very first episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S first aired on 22nd September 1994, and society and popular culture has changed a lot since then. I, myself, had a bunch of realisations after re-watching the show with fresh eyes, which I didn't expect at all. I now feel that the typical fan-favourite aspects of the show in the nineties and noughties are no longer as beloved as they once were.
Of course, there are new viewers of the Z generation who would argue the show is problematic, and, in some ways, they're not wrong. Ross's ex-wife and partner are constantly labelled as lesbians even when there is no need for it to be mentioned, and the earlier seasons imply that their relationship is unusual. Monica is fat-shamed, and Chandler's Dad is vaguely genderfluid and made fun of for it. However, comparing it to media published much later, I would say F.R.I.E.N.D.S holds up as a mostly non-harmful show. (But I will get to the Ross and Rachel issue later!)
I will only ever see F.R.I.E.N.D.S as comforting and non-malicious. Plus, let us not forget the waves that the show did make during the nineties. In season two, F.R.I.E.N.D.S became the first show to air a lesbian wedding on U.S television. It also portrayed single motherhood, blended family dynamics and same sex parents, homelessness, unemployment, vegetarianism, divorce, fertility treatment, surrogacy, adoption, casual sex. Most of these themes are still stigmatised and controversial today so, for 30 years ago, this was progressive.
However, I had my eyes opened when I watched the show again, this time not as a seven year old but as a fully-fledged adult in their twenties, with all the experience of this modern, improving world.
Here are the 6 conclusions I made that may make you re-think the long-standing view of the stories and characters:
Phoebe becomes a horrible friend
Don't get me wrong, in the early seasons Phoebe is very much the stereotypical warm and loving "hippy" friend, and she is seen cleansing people's auras, giving to the poor and supporting her loved ones. Her troubled backstory also meant she was able to shed perspective on the other character's trivial problems, particularly when it came to family.
However, mid-way through the show (around the time she gives birth to surrogate triplets for her brother) her character becomes more unpredictable and unfair. She continues to do good things, of course, but specifically in terms of friendship goals, I think later season Phoebe lacks a lot. She lies constantly, uses her childhood trauma to get what she wants, is flaky, ghosts people and cuts them out, gets angry when she's not getting attention, and is occasionally insulting and violent. She's definitely a strong and confident bad ass who doesn't take any crap, but in terms of being a good friend, Phoebe is at the bottom of the list of six. (Read on to see who's at the top of my list!)
Rachel is the "main character"
People may disagree with this but, when I was growing up and being raised by this show, despite Rachel essentially being the character who initiates the series by moving to New York in the Pilot episode, I saw all the protagonists as equally important. There was no main character. They were all the star, and they still are. As was reflected in the backstage bond between the actors all agreeing to be paid the same money throughout the show's run, every character is loved and an integral part of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
However, there's a couple of things about Rachel's character and story that make her unique. Firstly, the way she is presented in the Pilot episode is that of an outsider coming into the friendship group, just like us as the viewer. So, for that important first season, Rachel becomes the viewer's eyes and ears, which is really special. As we are finding out about these characters, what they like, don't like, what they do for a living, their fears, so is Rachel. She is the closest to the audience in that respect. Rachel also goes through arguably the biggest transformation and character development on the show, going from a rich daddy's girl with no job and no responsibilities, to a mother with a fierce fashion career.
Another huge thing I noticed on a re-watch is that Rachel bonds strongly with each of the other five protagonists in ways I think is individual to her. She develops romantic crushes on all three of the boys (albeit, the Chandler one was only for one short flashback episode), and falls in love with two of them. She is also the only protagonist who has kissed everyone in the group, and she has also been room mates with everyone in the group. Whether you agree with Ross and Rachel or not, you could also see the 10 season show as a long love story or a "how I met your father" chronicle. During the last few episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S Rachel decides to say teary goodbyes to all the other friends individually, further showing up as the bridge between viewer and show, and coming full circle from Season 1.
Joey was the best friend, and was actually the most progressive
My listing of worst to best friend on the show would be Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey. Although, the real discovery is just how different Joey feels re-watching the show in the 2020's, compared to the nineties.
When the show first aired, it would be right to assume that Joey was presented as a "ladies man", regularly dating different women, sleeping with them and not calling them back. However, in the current age of dating apps and more normalised casual sex, this behaviour no longer feels awful. Yeah, so Joey might be care-free and forgetful, however when it comes to his long-term friends and people he loves, he is one of the most attentive, caring and forgiving characters. Joey is confident to be romantic, spoil and compliment a woman when he dates, and, unlike some of the other characters, he never cheats when he does get into a committed relationship.
Another huge realisation is just how progressive Joey was, even when he was made fun of for it by the other friends in the group. Being an actor, Joey was confident to wear or do unusual or "ladylike" things, including wearing male lipstick, ladies' underwear, and a male purse, and he doesn't flinch at drinking breast milk either in an early episode. The real loving side of Joey is emphasised during his crush and relationship with Rachel, where he behaves with so much sensitivity, patience and respect, even though it's his first proper love and heartbreak (more on that storyline later!).
Monica and Chandler were underrated and should have been the main romance
I actually think this opinion isn't controversial, and when I say "underrated" what I mean is that the the writers and show runners were blind-sided and unprepared for the huge positive reception this romance had from the fans of the show.
The famous episode where Monica and Chandler first sleep together in London was originally meant to be the start of a small, short fling romance, however it really was by the power of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S audience, who cheered so loudly in the studio during filming of that episode, that the writers were forced to develop the couple into the real deal - marriage, kids and happily every after.
Obviously every romance on the show had ups and downs however Monica and Chandler felt like such a stable, comfort couple, who found love amongst their own insecurities and flaws, and they become better people together. In the nineties and noughties, people will remember that Ross and Rachel were the more famous couple, however their constant break ups, low blows at each other and mind games, makes the re-watches hard to sit through. Monica and Chandler, on the other hand, radiate love and acceptance and a true healthy relationship. A relationship I look for.
Ross was very controlling
Whilst his storylines make for great comedy, it's obvious to most people during re-watches that Ross is borderline emotionally abusive. The Ross and Rachel love story which was once the centre piece of the show has been abandoned by most modern viewers, because of how Ross continues to sabotage their relationship and then place blame on Rachel, being overly jealous of her career, and of other male prospects. He is particularly unnecessarily angry when Joey reveals his crush on Rachel, as if he's got some kind of ownership on her despite not dating her for 8 years out of the 10 season show. And yet, he can move on and get married too quickly to someone else whenever he wants.
There was a time when Ross was the hopeless romantic of the show, seemingly having constant bad luck with the ladies and being awful at flirting. However, in hindsight, he is problematic. He moves on too fast and ruins his own wedding by saying the wrong name at the alter, gets involved with one of his student's, and deceives Rachel into thinking they are divorced when they are still married. Similar to Phoebe, Ross lies and has regular tantrums, to the point where other characters have to tip-toe around him to save his feelings.
Maybe once upon a time, Ross's intense undying love for Rachel would have been seen as sweet and adorable, but when I re-watched Rachel getting her dream job for the first time and Ross suddenly getting jealous and feeling inferior, wanting Rachel literally all to himself and to not have her own life, leading to the breakdown of their relationship (where it should have stayed, if I'm honest), it was clear Ross is a horrible boyfriend.
Joey and Rachel should have ended up together
I'm going to say it - Joey was too good for Rachel.
Following all my other realisations, I think this relationship should have been endgame, and something that I think if the show was made today, would have come true. Friends to lovers and unpredictable relationships are so popular on TV today, however in the noughties we were hit with the typical "red herring", when Joey and Rachel kiss in the Season 9 finale setting up the final season of the show in a new direction.
In a big whiplash moment, however, the romance was halted in just one, arguably silly episode, where Joey and Rachel find that they can not bring themselves to have sex because they are too close as friends. This was potentially all the fault of the main cast who were strongly against the Joey and Rachel romance, and felt it was wrong. Obviously, the actors do have some ownership over the authenticity and integrity of their characters, (and, for the most part, the actors did protest unfaithful storylines on many occasions), however I don't think anyone expected that future viewers would have rooted so heavily for Joey and Rachel.
Compared to Ross's controlling and toxic attitude, Joey has a heart of gold, and always gives Rachel the space and time she needs. He never throws tantrums, despite being completely heart-broken for most of Season 8, and always does the right thing by his feelings whilst respecting Rachel. Just the idea of these two being in a relationship is all we have, as the love story didn't have time to leave the ground. However, you have to admit, if a modern viewer could pick between Ross and Joey, I think it would be an obvious choice.
What are your (controversial or otherwise) F.R.I.E.N.D.S re-watch opinions??
