#(goddamn)

> grow up taking care of your sick mother who doesn't even like you

> worry about literally everyone else All The Time

> manipulate your two managers so that you can protect everyone else especially your boss who is also your crush

> get thrown into the lonely but thankfully get saved by your now boyfriend

> just when everything seems fine and safe and you and your boyfriend have nearly recovered from everything, the world ends and you two are the only ones not being tortured. but you now have to

1. walk through the torture and See Everything (though not on the same level as your All Seeing Boyfriend).

2. travel by foot.

3. not eat, sleep, or drink water because it's probably infected by The Horrors

and 4. through each torture domain you sometimes have to. WAIT. and WALK by yourself seeing the horrors because your boyfriend has to consume the horrors in order to move on

> and as time goes on you actually have no idea what will happen!! in the end !! you're in a relationship with the love of your life but youve also not slept or eaten and you have been walking for an unknown amount of time and you see so much Shit All The Time. and you have no idea how to navigate that.

> and THEN you have to kill the love of your life who you just spent who knows how long walking alongside seeing all the fucking horrors and not being able to do anything about it

And I think this is most outwardly displayed if Harrow’s letter to Gideon in HtN: the simple One Flesh, One End

To Gideon this is the ultimate cop out, a direct rejection and disregard for her sacrifice and the refusal to acknowledge it when Harrow had the chance

But to Harrow this is the ultimate act of sacrifice, it’s an outward expression of love and devotion to the cav/necro oath. She did two things with the lobotomy: 1. Memorialize what she could of Gideon’s soul; 2. Fulfill the “one end” portion of the oath

The saw the way that Gideon willingly killed herself as sacrifice and decided that if their lyctorhood had to be the death of one of them, it will be the death of them both

Gideon saw Harrow removing her memories as her running away from and hating the memory of Gideon but in her eyes she was making herself into a memory as well in order to preserve Gideon. Harrow’s still technically alive in HtN, but it’s not the same Harrow from GtN; all her letters are signed “writing as the same, now dead”

They’re both fulfilling the separate parts of the oath neither of them officially made but both lived by

Gideon; one flesh: Gideon died so they would share a body within lyctorhood

Harrow; one end: Harrow decided that if ascension had to mean the death of one of them, it must mean the end of them both

mike who’s worried that his boyfriend won’t like it because it’s not manly and then mike who starts to spiral over thinking will would want to break up with him if he tries to wear makeup

mike who gets caught by will in the bathroom of their apartment with eyeliner and lipstick and mascara and blush and eyeshadow and highlighter, and then mike who panics when will bolts out of the bathroom with a surprised look on his face

mike who gets surprised when he rushes out of the bathroom to apologize and finds will with a hard on and a flushed face. both of them gape at each other

mike who apologizes anyway because hes sure will wouldnt want him if he tried out more fem things

will who is baffled by even the IDEA he wouldnt want mike, and will who tells mike he’s gorgeous

mike who short circuits the second he hears the compliment, and will who notices

will who immediately starts moving closer while complimenting his boyfriend with words like ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ and ‘stunning’ as mike gets more and more red by the second

will who is determined to prove to his insecure boyfriend how much he loves him and pulls mike to the bed to rail the insecurity out of him

*gnawing on him*

No thoughts, only Eraserhead