in truth, alan had forgotten that calvin had been the one to introduce him to his favorite cafe. at first,it had been a reminder of a midday date - brief, and sweet. decent coffee only accenting decent company; stolen kisses, clasped hands, easy GOSSIP. somewhere he’d gone back to because if he looked the right amount of tables over, he could still imagine his boyfriend sat lively on one side. then the months had passed, and dates had taken them other places. the cafe became more a part of his routine than a fond memory. and by the time the two of them had called it quits, al had been going alone nearly daily for a year and a half.
he’d just... forgotten. and with separation had come an unwillingness to remember. the FUN FACT staying buried straight up until calvin walked through the door in the middle of alan’s study period escape. until the coffee he’d been drinking had gone up his nose instead of down his throat, and left him HACKING in the face of a man whose eye’s he could no longer meet.
a man he’d loved with every single thread of his being, and managed to push away all the same. alan wasn’t sure if it was shame, residual longing, or despair that had his voice shaking as he allowed a soft, “ oh, hello. ” but they’d been doing fine lately ( in a way that mostly meant they hadn’t spoken, calvin had SEEMED to move on, and alan had drown himself in enough hookups to last a lifetime ). so he supposed they were beyond the point where it was acceptable to determinedly LOOK AWAY. entering the period where they were meant to be civil, somehow. his gagging had surely drawn attention anyway.
if alan still felt his world turn inside out in a distinctly PAINFUL way when he looked towards the other, then that was his own problem. HE’D been the one to ruin them. to capsize what could have once been a happy future, and antagonize his missing piece. “ you’re not suppo-- you’re not usually here. you look, well. i guess. ” alan wondered if his face had the decency to at least look less wounded than he sounded to himself. he was TRYING to move on these days. most days. he really was. he just wasn’t nailing it quite as soundly as he wished.
closed starter for @aphcrism !
