#((wheee))

Post-cage Sam who can’t stand the bathroom mirror when he’s taking a shower because he feels like his body isn’t his anymore and he doesn’t want to look at it.

Post-cage Sam who hates when Dean talks FOR him but can’t find the words to tell him to stop, because it’s easier that way.

Post-cage Sam who flinches a little every time he has to use the lighter because the tiny flame reminds him of Hell.

Post-cage Sam who craves platonic physical affection like his life depends on it, but recoils every time he’s touched.

Sam who cuts himself in the bathroom in the middle of the night because he thinks he deserves it. Because the pain reminds him that he’s still alive and that the world around him is real.

Sam who will do anything not to fall asleep until his body can no longer stand it because the nightmares are too vivid.

Sam who tells everyone he’s fine because he needs to believe it as much as they do.

Sam who thinks he’s a burden because that’s what he’s been told. He’s forgiven Dean and Bobby for what they said, but their words still worm around in the back of his mind. He still believes them.

Sam who memorizes the sound of everyone’s footsteps so they can’t sneak up on him.

Who actually has to deal with it all.

Who suffers in silence.

Who thinks this constant punishment is the only way to “atone”.

Who can’t believe them when they say he’s forgiven and he can talk to them any time.