#| prose.

                     The water slides down her face like the          smooth stream of the river.                      Slow and comforting.          All but negligent when compared to the loss                      of her child. There is no comforting, no going back.       And she’s been                      so broken for the past couple of weeks, maybe a month. It’s irreversible,                      and she knows over coming such a thing would be turning herself inside                      and replacing what she made herself into...     Into something she wasn’t                      It hurt her to think she’d lose herself in the process.  That she’d lose him                      in the process and she couldn’t bear the thought.

                    So, she makes her way slowly back to their bed.  Abandoning the idea of                     sleeping on the lonely couch again that night.       April needed to feel him                  breathing against her.  To feel like she wasn’t so alone for once in her life                     and Jackson-- She missed him and she missed the way they were before                     ........ Before her fantasy started to crumble around her. But, she whispers                     his name into the darkness, part of her hoping he doesn’t answer, but the                     strongest part begged him to wake up-- For her.

                     She's been sitting stationary for a little over an hour.             heart pounding and eyes burning. No one ever taught her what             to do when the one you loved didn't love you back. It was a slow             and painful march to the bottom of a bottle... Or so she had learned             from observation. And her morals and values wouldn't allow such             a travesty. But, sure, she was getting married... And Matthew was             great! She loved him and he loved her. But, loving and being in love             were two totally different feelings. Love was Matthew and he was             perfect and accepted her for who she was and reciprocated beliefs             that were unquestionable to her. But, Jackson was-- He was passion             and excitement. He challenged her. Made her a better person. And it             hurt so bad. She felt lost... Alone. Crying in the on-call room and             praying that God would give her something, anything.