#{laughs.

EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION.

at root, you have a feeling of being chronically disappointed in other people. that they will let you down. we are not speaking about a single case of disappointment. your conclusion, as a result of past relationships, is that you cannot count on people to be there for you emotionally. It is a sad &. heavy sense of knowledge. because you have faced so much deprivation in your life, you feel that it is frightening to make yourself vulnerable to others &. ask for what you need. you may protect yourself from closeness by choosing partners who are unavailable, or someone who is physically there but mentally cold &. ungiving. In this way, you perpetuate your sense of being neglected. it feels as if no matter where you turn, you encounter deprivation. emotional neglect is part &. parcel of intimate relations for you. but, at least in part, this neglect also arises because it is dangerous for you to ask for what you truly want. you have become very invested in doing the opposite; that is, keeping yourself invulnerable in close relations to protect yourself from disappointment. to avoid the hurt of the deprivation you have felt, you focus on how others have let you down &. disappointed you. you can easily access anger about past relationships, but it is difficult for you to feel the pain.

"You should take your own advice."

The Airport

Time is happening all around you. All at once. In the corner, there is a child curled up sleeping on his father's lap. At the board, a group of young women yawn and blink sleep dust out of their eyes. You check the clock, it says 05:45. You walk past the cafe. A business man is eating eggs and bacon, the woman the table over is eating a chicken dinner. You check the clock, it says Don't Worry About It. You go to the bar, you order a soda and they hand you a tumbler of whiskey. You drink it and watch the sunrise. The bartender finishes his work day. He complains that it is late. You check the clock, it says We All Exist Simultaneously. Here, You Are Free. It Is Always Time For You. Your Time Will Always Be Now. Your flight is boarding in █ █ █ █. You run to the gate. No one looks at you. You are wearing the worst clothes possible. No one looks at you. Here, it begins. The start of an adventure. It doesn't start on Time. Because Time, says the clock, Is Always Now. Always Happening. Everything Is Happening All Over The World, All At Once. Here, We Are One. Here, Humanity Is Stitching Together And You Are In The Middle Of It All.

Me: listens to Karkat: Lament by Broadway Karkat

Karkat: “But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really fucked up this time, didn’t I, my dear?”

My muse: