#`bio

age 6.

"jaesung-ah, let's write up a list for santa claus!"  his nanny beams, sliding a pencil and paper his way.  the boy takes them with eagerness--they said santa could give you anything if you were good, and he had been the very best!  he scribbles down his wishes, putting a great amount of concentration with perfecting the lines--things had to be neat, or else santa couldn't read what he writing!--he finally slides the paper over to the woman.

after a few moments of silence, the nanny turns the paper over and shakes her head.  "something that can be bought darling.  not this."

the look of sheer disappointment on his face makes the woman regret her words immediately.

the paper reads: i want mommy and daddy to stop fighting.

age 10.

"where is hyung going?  he won't tell me."  

the question is directed to his mother's back, one that won't even turn around to the presence of her youngest son.  she simply scoffs, adjusting her position on the couch before taking a drag from her cigarette, slender and pale like the very fingers that held it.

"away.  away to become better than you."

jaesung doesn't know how he feels.  all he knows is that he doesn't like it, so he leaves.

from birth and inevitability until death, jaehyung was always going to be put first.

age 14.

"you're a smart kid."

"i know," he murmurs, tongue flicking over his bleeding lip.  his body aches and all he wants to do is chill in the infirmary for the rest of the day or simply SKIP, but here he was, being lectured when technically, he wasn't even in the wrong.

(just because he had opened his mouth first didn't mean he had made the first blow) 

"if you KNOW, then god dammit park jaesung, stop opening your mouth to the wrong people.  you hear me?"

"yes sir."

he carried pride at weird times and unfortunate places, probably because it was one of the few things he had that were truly his.

age 15.

"what do you MEAN the engagement is off?!"

"don't you use that tone with me, park jaesun--"

"--my tone isn't the problem here, the problem here is that you're all i ever thought you were, vapid, shallow and--"

pain, white and hot leaves silence and jaesung gripping his jaw, eyes glaring at his father with a fire the man had never seen. 

the teen leaves before another word can be said, unable and unwilling to be there (or to be at all).

age 17.

it's been two years, and park jaesung has been through more fiancees than some have been through shoes.  disenchanted and jaded, he can't care to make any of them stay.