What do you imagine my muse has nightmares about?
Ā Ā Ā Ā The patter of rain upon the darkened windows was drowned out by the sound of drinks being poured and people conversing with alcohol on their breath. A splash of tequila upon the counter paralleled the splatter of puddle water upon the trim of a running girlās grey dress. Jackson Overland-Frost watched as his hands retrieved a dry cloth to soak up the damage done to the now sticky counter surface. He saw as his normally still hands began shaking as white knuckles gripped the black towel unsteadily. The loss of control told Jack that this was a dream and he was not awake, but his mind still clung to that dark material and he could not awaken.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The damp item remained in Jacksonās left hand as he grabbed a tall glass from below the counter and reached for the beer tap. Pouring a large mug of the acquired taste, Jackson handed the drink to the man he was certain ordered it only to find he was faced with no patrons sitting in his company. There appeared to be half the amount of people in the bar than there was prior to the silly spill. There was half the amount of chatter and over the buzzing voices Jackson could now hear the heavy rain pounding against the glass.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā A drink slipped from the hand of a lady watching a game of pool, the clear cup shattering against the hardwood floor in a splash of cherry margarita. In the same moment another citizen ran down the streets outside, a cry swelling in his throat as thunder crashed for the first time that night. His foot stepped into the same puddle that had drenched the grey girl, his own grey clothes now a sickly mess in the storming weather. The running man tripped and fell onto the side-walk. He stumbled forward into a crawl until he could bring himself to his feet again.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Jack ignored the thunder, ignored the sound of a desperate runner tripping outside the bar. He focused on his job, on his breathing. He focused on watching his shaking ambidextrous hands still do what they were being paid to do. He could not ignore though that his cheeks had flushed to the same pale colour as his snow-toned tattoos. Someone sat down at the bar and made a joke about Jacksonās unease. He told the bartender to lighten up, that the night was still young and there was nothing to be concerned about.Ā
Ā Jack wanted to smile at the reassuring words and offer his services to the kind customer, but when he looked up he found that no one was there again. He was alone again. And not just alone where he stood. The bar was deserted now. Jackson found he was the only person standing amid the warm lights and scattered drinks. He was the only person occupying a place normally so crowded that he had to make a concious effort not to get sick of the amount of people which easily fuelled his anxiety. Now he couldnāt be sure what felt worse.
Ā Ā Ā Ā āMom?!ā Emmaās voice ripped through the stillness of the bar, her frantic scream echoing amidst the abandoned tables. Silvered eyes shot toward the front door of Winterland. Jack was waiting for someone to walk in, anyone to explain why he had heard such an eerie shout that sounded like a relic from his past. Jack saw nothing. He only heard more that was this time an impatient groan, āJackson! When will I get to see you again?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Jack pulled in a long breath and walked out from behind his counter. He paced toward the door, the storm knocking against the bar louder with each step he took toward the words of his past, and he opened the entry. Wind pushed the rain into Jacksonās face, wetting his shirt until it became a grey colour that he did not recognize. There was no one in the streets any longer, and the source of the voice that had called to him seemed to disappear as well, āEmma?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āWhen will they pull Mom out? When will they find her? They have to bring her home to us! When can we go home?!ā It hurt to blink away the string of questions Jackson could do nothing for except to avoid. It pained him to hear his sisterās pain again. It⦠āJack?! Jaaaaaaack?!ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Emma was calling to Jackson now from somewhere unseen as if he had been the one standing on the ice and he had been the one she longed to reach after innumerable hairline fractures began multiplying throughout the surface of the cracking ice. Jack spun in circles across the sidewalk, searching wildly for his sister to make sure she was okay, to see her face again and know that she was safe. He found himself in the middle of the road, alone seemingly within the entire city. His lips were mouthing the word no, words of fear, words of absolute loss as he felt himself drop into the ocean like nothing more than a sinking quarter.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The rain had soaked through all of Jackās clothes. Everything he wore clung to his shivering body the same way his arms wrapped themselves around his chest for protection. A clap of thunder sounded across the heavens and Jack turned around to face where it had come from as if that meant it wouldnāt sneak up on him next time. Across the way, Jack saw his mother standing, her shoulders rigid and her fingers sprawled out into the air by her sides. Beneath her, Jack saw the crack of deceiving ice spiral from her feet.Ā If only you had done something different last time.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Running toward Mrs. Overland, Jack reached out for his mother much the same way Emma had and again he heard his sister screaming, screaming for both him and his mother, but he couldnāt see his sister anymore. Jack hadnāt been allowed to see his sister in a long time. His mom shook her head, mouthing the words āGet back, Jacksonā. Jack couldnāt hear his mother speak anymore. He hadnāt been able to hear her voice since he was much younger.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā The rock of the road shifted beneath Jackās desperate steps and upon stepping into the very same puddle of misfortune, Jack too slipped and caught his fall with scraped hands. The ground continued to shift and Jack seemed to really slip into the ocean, a mere coin tumbling into a darkness far greater than anything he could perceive. This disfigured perception caused Jack to see nothing and everything possible in the darkness of the waters all at once. He pushed himself to turn, pulling his lips shut tight to hold his breath, and blinked into the saltwater both scared to look for what he could not see and scared to close his eyes and accept the void.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā The pervasive environment pushed against Jackās face, tricking him into thinking something was touching him. Was it perhaps his mother? Had she fallen in too? Maybe she didnāt. Maybe she was still up there and maybe she could stay there, stay with Emma. She had to find Emma⦠Someone had to make sure Emma was okay. Someone had to make sure they were both okay. He couldnāt lose them again. He could lose them and himself. Why was everything always lost?
Jack couldnāt hold his breath any longer. His lips parted to scream and the sound was suffocated by the rushing water. Jack felt his lungs fill with all of the things he wished he could have said, all of the things he wished he could have let escape himself. There was so much left to say to them. Choking on the water, on the darkness, on the drowning, Jackson felt the night seep into his swelling veins. He couldnāt tell if he was crying. Perhaps he was too scared to cry. Maybe the ocean was crying for himself. He knew his mother would be crying. He knew Emma would be crying. He could hear her crying now. He could hear their sobs. He could hear⦠He could hear his motherās voice again. She was scared too.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Perhaps he didnāt drowned in the lake like his mother had, but he had been drowning every day since and every day since he had been drowning alone.
Ā Ā Ā Ā He was so scared of being alone.
** Grey clothes represent isolation. Silver eyes represent protection. Sorry itās long. Thereās a reason I submitted it instead of sending it to you via askā¦
Loneliness⦠Emptiness⦠the perpetual ache that made his chest feel hallow and full to the brim all at the same time. He couldnāt breathe and yet he was panting fiercelyā clawing desperately for any relief to the mad world behind his fluttering eyelids. He could taste salt on his tongue and feel the heaving pressure of water filling his lungs until he could nearly burst andā
He was awake, fully aware of his surroundings. And⦠Heād known it was a dream. Heād felt it since the beginning - wherever the beginning was - , but it didnāt stop him from struggling. He struggled, because what he saw was not a terrible figment of his imagination but a memory he wished desperately to repress but time and time again, only proved to surface and each time after, even more fiercely.Ā
His cheeks felt damp and stained with shed tears, but if heād known better, they could have very well been residue from the water that which he crashed into. His throat hurt immensely and he prayed to the stars heād not aroused any neighbors. His limbs, chest, his everything ached from the battle he felt within himself and the struggle he caused within his mangled beddings; trembling. He was sunk like a dime in a wellā not worth the ten cents he was accounted for.
Jackson Overland-Frost was a coward. A terrible coward that only ran farther away with the things that pressed upon him. Leaning forward with hands perpetually shaking, the heels of them pressed and rubbed into his worry worn eye sockets in a meek attempt at pressing away the lasting images flashing before his vision. His breath lacked control and, dear celestials no, he swore he wasnāt near the brink of tears again.Ā
Jack could hear them. Oh stars, he could hear the ghosts of his past yelling for him, pleading to him and asking of him for so many things he promised to fulfill⦠but there he was. Useless. Irresponsible. A little broken, gray mouse hiding away from any animal savagery that presented itself. With a slim back pressed as tight against the adjacent wall as he could manage, curled and closed in on himself, the young man was to simply hide away from all the broken promises he made until day break.Ā
He was alone. And heād never felt it more than how he did in that moment.
// This is so terribly long. Iām so sorry if this cluttered or made a nuisanceĀ of anyoneās dash!