#@samuel

Selena heard her own voice before she fully registered the decision to speak, the word leaving her mouth as she stepped closer. The moment stretched in a way she recognized, not heavy, just present. She was aware of the quiet shift inside her, the way recognition had arrived without urgency or fear.

She noted the steadiness in herself, how little she wanted from the moment beyond acknowledging it. Saying hello felt less like reopening anything and more like marking a point in time she had already moved past. She stayed because she was no longer rushing, not because she expected the moment to offer her something new.

“Hey...didn't expect to run into you here," she said and offered a soft, not-so-confident smile. " I almost walked back out, but that felt worse than saying hello.”

Anyways, so in resume, there’s a guy I really like and most people at school know because we are very touchy and loving, like we literally grab hands when walking and he passes his arm through my shoulders when standing by my side. We are practically in a relationship at this point but both shy as fuckkkkk so we had not said anything about our feelings to each other until yesterday. But it didn’t went as well as i thought it would go so now im sad but also happy but also wanting to break the roof of how mad i am. 

The thing, his friend came to me and said “Look, you have always warned me when i might risk something and I appreciate you for that so I’ll try to help you too. I’m not saying I’m sure but I think Samuel is using you to get over this girl called Maria José. He liked her a lot and she got a bf so who knows, just be careful.”

Let me tell you, your girl panicked and was ready to go and kill him. But I realized that was stupid bcs we support communication in this house so instead I asked my wingman and his best friend about this girl. He said that yes Samuel liked her a lot but that since I came around he stopped completely mentioning her and that in general he didn’t find it likely because Samuel is not like that and that if he was, his mom would end him. 

I wasn’t happy with that answer so went and straightly asked the guy. 

We sat on a green grass spot because as you might guess, I was not happy with knowing all this and wanted at least to know what was happening, the convo went something like this. Me: Who’s Maria José? Him: Oh you find out Me: I did Him: She’s a pretty girl, as you are, tall Me, interrupting him: I know how she looks, she’s in my athleticism team. Are you playing with me? Him: Do you think i am? Genuinely? Me: No. Do you still like her? Him, silent for a second: I do, not much because the moments we talked was when she went in my bus, she doesn’t go there anymore so we barely talk. Do you like me? Me: I do. Do you like me? Him, GIVING ME THE MOST PRECIOUS GENUINE SMILE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY FREAKING LIFE UGHHHHHHHHH FUCK IT: I do, a lot, way more than her. What do you wanna do? Me: I’m not dating you right now, not until you’re 100% sure about me. I’m sorry to ask you this but I’m a number person and i work with numbers, in a percentage how’s the difference of your feelings for me and for her.  Him: 90% you 10% her Me: Thanks for being honest Him: I used to talk with her when you were not here you know, please don’t get mad Me: I’m not mad, you can have girl friends and i can have guy friends, I’m not asking you to completely stop talking to them, I just want to be sure that you only have eyes for me if we date.  Him, trying to hug me but i backed off: not even hugs? You didn’t say no to hugs today Me: I didn’t know about María José in that moment, you have lost some privileges until we date I’m sorry Him, gently grabbing my hand for a short time: It’s fine, I get it and we’ll work this.

While we have this convo we were already walking to the buses but something interrupted us, he said he would call me later because we both had to go and I just left to the bus. While I was going there his best friend intercepted me and was like “Don’t you worry, you’re 99% in, that 1% will be gone by Monday I fucking swear”, i nodded and left to the bus in which i wanted to cry but i didn’t bcs #WeDontCryBecauseOfMen

Arrived home, was absolutely wrecked for 5 hours and then I got the POV of my best friend that was with him before I asked him about the other girl and with my wingman and his best friend. 

my best friend:

his best friend said Samuel would be talking with me on Monday because we had to get this clear now that we both want to date at least in a future, but that I really shouldn’t worry because since day one he had known sooner or later we would date. He said the first day Samuel mentioned me he was like “I met this girl named xxxx xxxxxx and she’s very smart, the first girl that actually knows what she’s talking about when mentioning x topic”. 

Which is a lie because trust me, all my girl classmates have their very strong points on politics but whatever. 

Then Samuel called me, we talked normally until I told him that if he thought I was mad that that was wrong bcs i was not mad, just shocked. He said that he gets it and that we would talk on Monday because he preferred to get this clear face to face. Things went to another and we started talking about when we met, the convo went like this.

Me: Why did you talk to me in the first place Him: Don’t get mad Me: Why would i be mad Him: I got close to you because I thought you were pretty so basically whatever we have now only started because I was trying to flirt with you.  Me: Do you still find me pretty? Him: Prettier and also smart as hell, is hot the way you basically toy with me when I even mention chemistry or literature, in general any class Me: Good answer 

We hanged up, and now I’m more calm, my guy best friend from my old school says i shouldn’t worry bcs guys say they like girls just a little bit when they only wanted for their physics and that he was sure that he wanted me for more than that.