your scent lingers on my bed...

life goes on with or without you ... and time ticks by, there’s no stopping anything. sometimes there are moments i wish i could stop forever and sometimes there are moments i can fast forward to keep going. but the reality of it is that we all keep on moving day by day. some days are hard and some days are easy. but we must keep moving. i guess because we are so limited on time i forgive constantly and spend the time i can have with you because i know when our run is up we won’t be able to turn around.

for a minute it felt as if he was with me these nights and i wondered if he sent you to comfort me. you felt awfully too familiar for comfort and i wonder where your mind was set to wander. did you fill the void you needed to let go of all the pent up emotions or did you get the human touches you were longing for? was it easy for you to prey on my weak heart? to make a dent so easily and then leave. tell me, what raced through your mind as you set your eyes on me? out of all the people in this world why did it have to be me? you could have hurt anyone else in this world, so why did you choose me? 

the night sky takes over as the sun turns into a deep slumber. you’re sitting in front of me as we have dinner, just us two. and if only you knew i admired the city life with you in front of me, sitting, smiling, looking at me. it felt as if that we were one together tonight with everyone else. you’d smile at me and say a few things as my heart raced and the butterflies would tickle my stomach. little did you know how much i loved the galaxies and the stars and yet you are here tonight sitting with me as i admire it. as i admire you just as much. your hands on my back as you comfort me through the night not knowing that i have become a turtle in a shell in front of you. watching those dimples appear on your face.. oh how i wish to see it for a little longer as i don’t know what happened but i do know that when i saw you my soul said you had something for me. i wish to see you again and again under the sun, the clouds, and the galaxies. please stay a little longer.

Lay your head against mine as we pretend that we are the only ones in this room tonight. Your arms around my body as you pull me closer. And I could feel the comfort in your arms as you pull me closer. You’d tell me to put on for the both of us to watch. Wrapped around your arms, I’ve never felt so comfortable, my heart isn’t racing, and I’m not nervous. The comfort of you having your body next to mine as we make jokes and talk. The noises we’d make for the entertainment of each other. And the things you would say to get a reaction out of me. You’d laugh and I would question you. But I couldn’t help but feel happy right here with you. As I toss and turn I hear your breath and you’re asleep still clutching on me. I’d fall asleep after you and wake up to your arms still around me. I’d turn to look at you and you’ve pulled me closer. Wrapping your arms and legs around me as if you didn’t want me to go anywhere. How long will this last? I take in every moment we have this time together as I know there will never be another moment with you. How could you possibly notice someone like me? How could you possibly be here with me, lying on the bed, pulling me closer? I know that after this weekend you’ll be gone and there won’t be any traces of you. But I don’t know what would hurt the most the fact that you’re gone or that I’ve fallen a fool for you. Has it been hard on you being here with us and she’s no longer with us? But she’s watching over you carefully, has the guilt fallen as your head is near mine and your arms have no intentions on moving onto another body? Or have you found the comfort in me as we look at each other with smiles. I’ll always remember these moments between us.

Why couldn’t you have loved me enough to stay? And why couldn’t I have been less of a coward to hold your hand so you didn’t go? What could I have done to make it different? The anger, sadness, and bitterness rests so deeply inside of me. When your name slips off the tongue of our mutuals something inside of me freezes. And for the longest time I thought I’d be okay without you because it would get easier. It doesn’t. I so badly long for your companionship, your texts, calls, and your video calls. I so badly long to tell you things and have your comfort and support. I so badly needed you. I thought it only gets easier from here but it doesn’t. It just hurts. Everything hurts. My heart hurts, my soul hurts, my head hurts, my eyes hurt from crying so much. It just hurts and you don’t understand.