#;raphneth

i've always seen it as less a 'confession' and more a mutual 'realization'. like, they're out one night--maybe on a patrol, maybe on a trail that curves around the farmhouse--just talking and burning energy as they usually do. at some point they make eye contact. both go quiet for what they realize is a bit too long, snap back to the present, and just know in their gut that the other came to the same conclusion they did. there's a few seconds of tension and uncertainty before they awkwardly head back home, say their good nights and part ways.

gwyn initiated their first kiss. i've pictured it being at the farmhouse lake during the summer when fireflies would have been out and about. she asks raph "can i kiss you?" and raph accepts, though not without the rush of panicked realization he has no idea what he's doing. it's tentative and clumsy, but no less tender and kind.

despite being the more hot-headed and confrontational of the two, raph is the fastest to apologize once he's had space to cool off and come down from one of his more heightened states.

gwyn goes where she wants when she wants. she's made a habit of showing up in pierce's* apartment and helping herself to the shitty drinks in his fridge, if not for the sake of asserting dominance and nothing else. and even after spending more time on 3rd earth, her sleeping schedule's never fully fallen into a routine. she's the person who texts "can i come over?" and when you say yes, says "good because i'm in your driveway". time of day rarely matters. *pierce is one of @/plantdonut's ocs; he was a friend (and a past crush) of min-ji's who got tangled up with the purple dragons and was responsible for putting her in a lot of crossfire. he also previously used the turtles' friendship and concern for min-ji to lure them into a trap. he's since become a bit of a mole among the purple dragons. ...this was all before gwyn arrived on earth, but she's heard enough to decide she Doesn't Like Him™ and wants him scared.

it's a very firm headcanon of mine that, for all his bark, raph would be truly and deeply devastated if he ever actually HURT someone. and even more so if it was during an anger-fueled blackout. this isn't to say he couldn't or wouldn't do it, more that, after the red faded away, it'd haunt him forever. and if he was in a clear headspace, i don't think he'd choose to go for the jugular or want to "have" to. gwyn? not so much. she could count the people she whole-heartedly trusts on her fingers, and if you threaten? any of them? you're already dead to her. important to note that killing isn't her first choice--if breaking your hand is all she has to do to get you to back off, it stops there. but if it becomes evident you're just gonna keep coming back? you're better six feet under. in six pieces, and six locations.

gwyn's spent the last several years only valuing her life because if she dies, ash dies; she hasn't been living or fighting to live for herself, she's been living and fighting to live FOR ash. after the twins' story arc, she goes through a long period where she struggles to find her own identity among all the masks she's worn and people she's been in order to survive, and a part of that is learning to value her life in that it's hers. raph also goes through a long period where he feels he doesn't have "a role" in the family, and, to 'make up' for that, he leans HARD into the role of a shield and protector. because that's what he does--his family KNOWS he does this. it's often a source of his more heated arguments with gwyn, too, given that ash died shielding her from a blow. she doesn't like loved ones taking hits for her, but taking hits is what he does.

raph is, without a doubt, the more responsible of the two. this is in part because--despite all his circumstances--he was still raised in a loving home with a kind father. all of the turtles were, in various ways, forced to 'grow up fast' in order to survive due to their limited resources. raph's impulsiveness does sometimes beat his responsible side to the punch but, should push come to shove, he knows when to step up. gwyn, however, was neglected by her parents--given enough care that she wouldn't outright die--and outcast by the community. most of her days were spent in the forest, exploring, climbing, or befriending wildlife. ash was her main source of socialization, and after fleeing liáfsini her main concern was her own survival. due to this, she tends to act in ways she believes will most benefit her in the moment. she doesn't always see "the big picture" or consider how her actions will effect those around her (but she is slowly unlearning this manner of thinking). the one exception to this would be when it comes to caring for plant or animal life. rest assured that if she pet-sits, your pet is gonna be loved, pampered, and they're gonna like her more than you. i'm kidding. probably.

neither of them do this. closest thing they'd do would be more... jump in front of the other. or reflexively pull the other behind them.

again this is gonna be very stream-of-consciousness yammering, so i apologize if it's hard to follow or gets repetitive or if my word choices could have been better and my thoughts more refined. i just wanna flail my hands a little without feeling pressured to make it Nice.

i know i've repeated this thought a lot when i have talked about them, but i love so much that it's two heavily guarded people--both who have learned for one reason or another that the world is cold, and you need to protect yourself and what you hold dear from it--learning together that vulnerability isn't weakness. and also, like... learning to value themselves, too?

this isn't to say i don't think raph--specifically--values himself. it's more, i think as the series goes on up to the point where gwyn's entered the picture (so, post season 4) he's kind of in this ... limbo... where he feels almost like he doesn't have a "place" or a "valuable role" or anything he can really point to and say is his. as tots, he thought HE would be "top turtle" (his words), but over time he was happy to step aside, so to speak, and follow leo's direction. they all got a bit of a harsh wake up call when don got double-mutated to all the things they rely on him for. and, while i think he'd really hesitate to say it out loud, i'm sure he knows he's the third strongest fighter from a technical standpoint. i continue to emphasize that i feel his bitterness toward mikey's battle nexus win comes more from the fact he let mikey exploit a weakness of his and lost agency to his anger, rather than the fact he lost to mikey. truthfully, i feel like raph's more than proud of mikey--if not glad that he's capable taking care of himself, and even more than that when he wants to. i wouldn't say raph's "settled" to being the protector/shield as a role, more so he's maybe leaning into it. it's not a silent role, either--his family is aware he has a tendency to block or take hits for them, don has verbalized this as early as season 1. it's something he does, it's something he contributes. he's strong enough to do.

this kind of lack and loss of identity can also be found in gwyn, but amplified. gwyn's molded herself into so many different behaviors, personalities, and she's worn so many masks in order to get by and survive that she's lost connection with herself. if she's not constantly searching for a way to get ash back in a living, breathing body, who is she? what does she like? hobbies? how does she really feel about things when she's not trying to get on someone's good side?

it's both an interesting common ground AND an interesting contrast when it comes to raph, because no matter what raph is always going to unapologetically be himself. he may be struggling to find (where he perceives) he needs to 'fit into' the family unit, but he knows who he is. you can take him or leave him; he knows what he likes, what he doesn't, and he'll let you know, too.

raph is a person who can identify strength. i've mentioned in my enneagram posts that he can sniff out who holds the most power or control in a room, and, likewise, i'd be willing to bet that he's quick to pick up on an individual's strength-areas. things they're good at, what they gravitate to, skills they have that could easily flourish if given the right attention. he can and will, easily, be your biggest hype-man--we see him gas up don several times. he wants to see those he cares about discover where they're strong, and he wants to give them that empowerment and confidence in themselves. i've gestured at this when i talked about his brotp with min-ji, how he cares for her well-being unconditionally. all this to say, raph's likely picked up on gwyn's missing sense of self. as they grow closer--and ESPECIALLY as gwyn/ash's arc comes to a close and they get to start embracing a quieter life--raph would absolutely start helping gwyn take better notice of what things make her happy. not happy for an ulterior reason--things that genuinely make HER. happy. raph doesn't like being lied to--he can be a walking lie-detector--and i can see that gently coming into use if gwyn starts to say she likes something because she thinks it'd appease someone they're around, and him finding subtle ways to be like "...y'sure?". not to like... manipulate her or anything, but more to steer her to being more genuine and authentic with how she feels about something? if that makes sense??? getting to be a part of her... finding herself... being confident and happy and finally feeling connected to her own soul?

and then we have his side of things, where he's presently leaning hard into the shield and protector role. gwyn... doesn't like that.

ash died throwing herself in front of gwyn. she got stabbed shielding gwyn's body with her own. gwyn does NOT want people taking hits meant for her--especially if they're someone she's grown close to. raph's done this for her once already, and they got in an argument over it that only ended when gwyn said "they won't lose you because of me" and "you're more than a glorified meat shield".

since gwyn's best friends with mikey, she's NO DOUBT picked up on how much mikey looks up to raph, and how raph's his best bud. since she's learned how to read people like books, i'm sure she's noticed the silent appreciation and respect don and leo have for him, too, when he goes out of his way to do things for them, or when he just seems to know to spend time with them, or how attentive he is. she loves enabling mikey's braggart moments when it comes to his championship, but don't think YOU'RE off the hook, raphael. she sees all those 'small' things you do, and she will find ways to praise you for them in the presence of others and uplift you. you're trying to play down the work you put into rebuilding mikey's battle nexus trophy since the original was destroyed with the second lair? oh, bet--she's gonna make sure the others know the trouble you went to in order to make it as authentic as possible. you are SEEN.

gwyn definitely thinks SHE needs to earn any love she gets--love for her must be earned because she's essentially a curse. if she wants to be treated like anything but that, she has to prove herself. perhaps, hypocritically, she knows this isn't the case for others. where raph thinks he might need to fill a role or contribute somehow to the family unit and not be "dead weight", gwyn would push back and tell him that he doesn't need to do any of that bullshite. he's already doing so much by just being there and by being who he is. she can't comprehend applying this to herself because she was BORN a curse, but raph is already adored by his family--he doesn't NEED to do anything--his presence in the room is a pillar of strength and his family feels empowered by the simple fact that he's standing at their side. she sees that--easily. she's felt it, herself. the sense of security he grants those around him who know he'll stand beside them without flinching for no other reason than he loves them.

which, again, is an extremely difficult concept for her to wrap her head around when it comes to herself. befriending mikey was a huge step toward even opening her mind to this idea, as he would emphasize that he and his brothers want gwyn and ash around for no other reason than the privilege of knowing them. if mikey hadn't given her the space and patience and kindness to come around to accepting that it was possible for someone to stay by her side--expecting nothing in return--for no other reason than they wanted her around, then it'd be even harder for her to believe that raph would extend that to her as well. because, again, she and raph are both heavily guarded people--and they no doubt clocked that in each other immediately.

another common-ground point i feel like they have is that sense of being """the problem child""" or an '"""inferior sibling""" (gwyn is the 'parasitic twin', and it's not lost on me that raph's rebuttal when he starts getting angry about losing is sometimes "you think you're better than me?"). they're both used to, and often willing, to play the part of a scapegoat. we've seen raph do it in-series, and gwyn has absolutely taken the fall for ash as kids, so ash could continue to keep what little of the community's good graces she had. they both get what it feels like to be "the family screw up". there's a lack of judgment and silent understanding there. they also have similar ways of processing their emotions when they get heightened, but gwyn's more tapped into her emotional state and is better at identifying WHICH strong emotion she's feeling and figuring out how to "best" manage it in order to navigate the situation and her surroundings. it'd give her insight into what raph experiences when he feels strongly--allowing her to be patient with him and vigilant of what he responds to--and she over time extends this knowledge and these tools to him to help him with his temper. and where gwyn won't hesitate to hurt someone if it means protecting someone she loves or to protect herself, i think... i think she'd realize pretty fast that despite all his barking, raph's bite isn't like hers. she can hurt, compartmentalize or rationalize, and walk away. if raph hurt someone--and ESPECIALLY if he did it while in a heightened/anger-triggered state--it'd haunt him. even if it was someone she wanted to see pay for something they did, she'd hold raph back. not because it's the """right thing to do""", but because it's helping and, in a way, protecting him. when he comes back down, cools off, he's grateful for this.

there's, of course, the understanding of just how invaluable eachother's families are to them. they both come from perspectives where, for a LONG time, their family was all they had and all they expected to have. raph understands where gwyn's coming from when it comes to the lengths she'll go to get ash back--HE'S faced that before when don double-mutated. and likewise, gwyn gets to a point she wouldn't take any of the turtles choosing each other over her as like... a personal attack or an act of betrayal. she gets it, because she'd pick ash first, too. i think that's ...kind of a 'flaw' both the turtles and gwyn/ash share, is that they're always going to have a bias toward their family units. and gwyn and raph get that when it comes to each other. it doesn't mean an impossible choice like that would hurt any less, more so the sting afterward wouldn't come with resentment. it's another one of those unspoken understandings. their siblings are their worlds, and they can never turn their backs to them. and it's also because of that understanding that the other's sibling(s) becomes a part of that world, too. like... i've talked about what mikey means to gwyn. she also respects the everloving FUCK out of leo, and has a lot of admiration for don. and ash's lack of autonomy and agency alone is enough to make raph protective of her; as she comes out of her shell more, he comes to love her dry and strange sense of humor and also loves getting into random, petty banter with her. and, obviously, the weight of the sacrifice she made in the first place isn't lost on him. you KNOW he respects the hell out of the unshaken loyalty and love she showed to gwyn throughout their youth, even when it came at the cost of friendships, opportunities to learn, and participation in community celebrations.

and also just... the concept of these two people who're used to being "handled" so roughly finding tenderness and safety with each other. the fact that i don't think ANYONE aside from ash has told gwyn outright that they love her, and the day that raph says "i love you" to her is kind of world-shattering in a sense, because it goes against everything she was ever told or lead to believe or had come to believe about herself because of what she's done to stay alive. and she'd just... start crying... not because she's sad, more just because she's so... overwhelmed and feeling so much all at once that her body just. starts. crying. and of course he holds and anchors her through it.

i just

the fact so much of this only exists in my own skull is torture and torment and i want more time and energy to put it on paper so my random bouts of affection aggression make sense to more people than just myself and i feel slightly less annoying clawing at the walls, gnawing the floorboards, skittering about the leaves and burrowing in the dirt.

[ID: a digital drawing of raph and a taller, purple-haired girl (gwyn, an oc). they're sitting on the ground in 'opposite' directions, raph reclined so his back and head are resting in her lap and he's looking up at her, smiling. she's smiling back down at him, and they both appear relaxed and at ease with each other. /END ID]

1) in which TMNT universe does your pairing exist?

the 2003 iteration because that's the only sandbox i play in.

2) introduce us to your OTP.

the idiot turtle is raphael and the lady-himbo is gwyneth. raph is from 3rd earth, and gwyn is from liáfsini, which is a world of my own making/kind of a world-between-worlds or nexus situation.

3) how did they meet?

in the most blunt, nutshell and to-the-point way possible: gwyn and her twin-sister-trapped-in-a-weapon are on the run from this druid (darach) from liáfsini, and she happened to cross onto earth. one of darach's hench-critters mistook casey for gwyn, the boys got wrapped up in a fight, gwyn intervened because she was like hey i probably shouldn't let these guys get wasted, they beat the hench-critter and got a chance to talk after.

they didn't really get along at first on account of raph being protective of his family and suspicious, so he was asking questions, and gwyn being paranoid about their intentions and not liking that she was being asked so many questions. terrible job everyone. ...again, this is an extremely condensed version of events.

4) how is the relationship now?

again, i feel like i have to give a very condensed version because there are a lot of moving parts, here. but essentially they're doing great. gwyn and raph develop a high level of trust and respect for each other, which then leads into a slow-burn/careful cultivation of more romantic-leaning feelings. they don't have much of a 'pining period', it's much more small 'pebbles' being thrown at each other's windows.

eventually one night at the farmhouse they catch themselves staring at the other a bit too long and both them realize kind of at the same time "...--oh fuck", awkwardly go their separate ways for the evening, but in the morning when neither of them act differently around each other they silently agree "...okay, let's try this" and step into a relationship. how long it takes everyone around them to notice the shift is anyone's guess because neither of them are much for PDA.

5) what is each other's love language?

raph's love languages for 'giving' are acts of service and quality time. gwyn's for 'giving' are physical touch and acts of service.

raph's love languages for 'receiving' are words of affirmation and physical touch. gwyn's are words of affirmation and quality time.

quality time and acts of service are the two that tend to be the most prevalent in their relationship, giving or receiving.

their own, personal, 'love language' is taking naps together. neither of them are people who trust easy or like appearing 'vulnerable’, so the act of sleeping in the same space as one another is a big gesture for both of them. and raph’s snoring doesn’t bother gwyn that much; it actually almost tethers her to the present and makes it harder for her to slip into a night terror or experience sleep paralysis.

6) do they get married or have any kids?

no and no. i don't think the concept of marriage is important to either of them, even if they could probably do it in liáfsini. i can see them doing something to symbolize that they're together--like, the concept of rings but something different and tied to liáfsian culture--but actually going through with legal/official marriage or a ceremony? nah.

as for having kids, they can't biologically have kids of their own, and i don't see them actively looking to adopt, either. best chance of them having a kid is "what's with this sassy, lost child?" and accidentally wind up found-family adopting some snarky orphan on a mission or something idk.

7) what is your favorite thing about this pairing? (gush as much as you want!)