#;cloud

Cloud hates that he feels so wary, that his thoughts feel so fucking mixed up and jumbled around. He was doing so good, wasn't he? He was slowly learning to trust Seph, that he wasn't going to suddenly turn into some horrific monster and try to kill Cloud and his friends. But then came Jenova. Then came the illusions, the voices, the nightmares. It's made Cloud start to question reality again, especially as it took the form of Seph to fight him now.

He winces, hand pressing against the wound on his side. Cloud takes in a slow breath, hesitating, but if Seph wanted to hurt him, wouldn't he have done so by now? Wouldn't he have just finished Cloud off after he took the blow?

Deathless || Accepting

"...Yeah. I know."

Because Cloud's gone through the same thing. How many times can you kill people before you start going numb? It's just the plight of being a SOLDIER, of being someone the world has to rely on, of facing the same demons again and again in some hopeless bid to protect the planet because that's what your long dead lover would've wanted. He absently pulls at a loose string on the blanket, his brow furrowing. It shouldn't have happened to Sephiroth, though, not to someone so damn young.

"It's pretty fucked up, isn't it? What ShinRa did to people like us?" Cloud doesn't talk about it much. Sometimes the memories still feel fuzzy, like looking through a fogged up, broken mirror. He remembers the mako, the way Hojo loomed over him in the lab, the way Zack tried to talk him down when Cloud was convinced they were going to die. He sighs. Yeah, fucked up.

Just give him a chance! How? It feels impossible, it feels stupid, like they're all walking into some kind of giant fucking trap. But why would Aerith do that? She wouldn't do that, right? It's hard to think anything bad of her, and there is that part of Cloud who so desperately wants to believe that taking care of this kid is the right thing to do. It's just...doing it. When he looks at Sephiroth, all he sees is all the pain and sorrow and suffering that's happened.

How does he move past that? How does he stop being scared of a damn kid?

Cloud sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Tifa's right. This is different than the remnants. Sephiroth's definitely not anything like that. It's just weird. It's weird and he doesn't like it and he wishes that this wasn't happening. If he could go the rest of his life without thinking about Sephiroth, it still wouldn't be enough.

Orphan black || Accepting

"...Easier said than done."

It's all Cloud really offers, squinting as he looks out the window. Jenova's return has spooked him more than he cares to admit. It brings back a rush of emotions and memories that he would rather forget, yet they come needling back no matter what. It especially makes him think of Aerith, that grief settling in his gut like a rock. It never really goes away, just gets easier to carry. Even if she is happy where she's at, well...

It still feels wrong, doesn't it? She should be here. But he can't really linger on that thought for long. At the end of the day, she's still dead and Jenova's still here somehow. Cloud likes to compare it to a cockroach. Stubbornly resilient. Sephiroth has been poking into his dreams again. What the hell is he supposed to do about that?

"Well, take as long as you need. It's no problem."

Besides, Cloud knows the feeling well enough. Hell, he still struggles with it to this day. Though after everything with the geostigma, he's slowly learning that it's okay to not rely on himself. Tifa is always prodding him, making sure he's fine. He knows he should be grateful for that because a lot of people just don't have that.

So he sighs and shrugs, looking out the window of the church. He's never been good with conversations like this, after all. "In the meantime...I'll get you what you need. Clothes and stuff. Uh, as far as everything else..." The whole...Jenova being able to control his mind thing-- "If you need to talk about it, we can. I know what that's like, and...it's...yeah. Just, you know, I'm here."

"What? No I'm not."

Though that does seem to be entirely the case. There is some part of Cloud that bristles at the thought of being wrong, though he can't say what the reason for that is. When he tries to think of it, it seems to hurt his head more than anything else. So maybe he was quick to judge Aerith and her ability to take care of herself. He's swiftly learned that she's more than capable of holding her own.

The wind is knocked out of Cloud as his back hits the ground, seeing stars dance in front of his eyes. He's always been able to hold his own against Sephiroth, but some days are simply just more difficult than others. Even after so many years, he can still feel the pull, even faintly, the need to just give in. He grits his teeth, moving to stand back up, but is swiftly yanked onto his toes.

Sephiroth, or rather Jenova, looked more horrific than ever, more monster than man. Cloud half wonders what happens whenever he kills the creature, though he doesn't have much time to ponder it when lips are suddenly on his, biting and sharp. Cloud yelps and struggles for a moment, feeling the bitter, metallic tang of it. He knows these tactics by now, something trying to appeal to his base desires to get him to give up.

And yet it's just so nice...

NO. He's stronger than he used to be. Cloud quickly jerks back and pushes Sephiroth off, coughing and sputtering as he wipes his mouth off. "Fuck you," he chokes out, though by the time he looks up, they're already gone. He wheezes a little, placing a hand on his sore and bruised ribs.