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Karkat: Asshole didn’t even once think about how I might have felt and when I brought it up, no man, we’re not talking about Karkat’s feelings. We only care about my feelings. I might have told you you can talk to me, but if I don’t get to cover my damn anus first, it’s not going to happen! Because it’s all about me!
Karkat: On the one fucking month I can’t handle anything. But how could he know that? He’s too busy caring about his own self and covering his own ass.
Karkat: God and even Avi has managed to put himself aside for a damn second and let me talk. Why did I think Dave would be the one to do that first.
Karkat: He just kicks me out when he doesn’t get his way. Why am I surprised? I shouldn’t be. I’ve been through this before.
Karkat: It was never going to be about me. Even when I needed it.
Karkat: And I guess Strider was right. In the end he was using me, because when it wasn’t about him it wasn’t happening. I couldn’t say a damn word without him focusing on the fact I wasn’t accepting the “explanation” he was giving. I didn’t want to think about it! Because it hurt my feelings!
Karkat: Congratulations, Strider, you nailed that one months ago. Bet you thought it was Avi I’d be the one crying about. Surprise!
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Karkat: I really don't understand how Deja Vu works.
Karkat: And yeah I guess that's like the conundrum of the human race
Karkat: or well one of them
Karkat: But seriously. What causes it? And why do some people have it?
Karkat: Why do I always have to so fucking much?
Karkat: Why does Dave?
Karkat: Better yet!
Karkat: Why are we having it more and more at the same time the longer we're with each other?
Karkat: Fucking hell, the day I met him was one whole damn sequence of endless Deja Vu!
Karkat: Except I was also hungover as absolute hell so I thought it was that until it kept happening in the following days.
Karkat: I'd understand it better if I got it once in a while and on my own.
Karkat: But it's like he triggers it.
Karkat: Or things about him trigger it.
Karkat: Or, fuck! Sometimes I seem to know things before he tells me them, which makes no sense at all.
Karkat: Like, what the fuck universe. What is this?
Karkat: Are you trying to tell me something?
Karkat: How did I know that entire fucking song like that despite having no fucking clue who Third Eye Blind is?
Karkat: I've never heard any of their other songs.
Karkat: I couldn't find a movie where I'd possibly heard it before.
Karkat: I don't understand.
Karkat: I swear sometimes it's like someone else is in my body and I'm just watching from the sidelines and feeling their emotions in the form of Deja Vu as they remember things they did but I never have.
Karkat: Which is stupid.
Karkat: Especially with the Dave factor, because a lot of the stuff we do is his first time doing it as much as it is mine.
Karkat: I don't know.
Karkat: I don't get it.
Karkat: It really bothers me some days and some days I couldn't give less of a fuck.
Karkat: Today is more of the former rather than the latter.
Karkat: Circumstances surrounding the favor currently unknown.
Karkat: I should probably bring it up with Dave even to see if he had anything, but we weren't together today and it's not like it's anything new.
Karkat: I don't even really want to talk about it, because all it does is make me feel freaky.
Karkat: Like I'm not even really human and this is the world telling me I don't belong in the place I'm trying to fit into.
Karkat: Which is stupid. Aliens don't exist yet.
Karkat: Or like.
Karkat: Don't
Karkat: Haven't
Karkat: Whatever. Not here.
Karkat: ...
Karkat: Last night.
Karkat: Some of the shit DJ was looking up.
Karkat: No, I don't even know what any of that was.
Karkat: I shouldn't dwell on that when I can't even begin to comprehend some of the bullcrap the internet likes to weave out of nothing but ignorance and insecurity.
Karkat: I mean look at the shit people throw around on Tumblr.
Karkat: Google is a thousand times worse because it's basically free fucking rein on everything.
Karkat: Ok I need to just stop.
Karkat: None of this matters, I'm just getting wound up over it because I'm trying to distract myself from work and school.
Karkat: Which is such fucking bad adulting, and yet here I am.
Karkat: I guess I could also be drinking, but I don't want to sink that low.
Karkat: Not on a Monday.
Karkat: Thursday might be a different story.
Karkat: ... Or maybe even Wednesday.
Karkat: We'll see. I don't know.
Karkat: I'm done talking on this thing.
Karkat: My therapist is going to be so fucking confused.
Karkat: I'm sorry I'm such a hot fucking mess.
Karkat: Surprise, ten years hasn't done much of anything.
Karkat: I haven't changed.
Karkat: Which is why I'm back.
Karkat: Ok I'm legitimately talking to myself this is done.
