hahah that's certainly an interesting occurrence

if enough of my tears fall, watering the proverbial earth from which he will be birthed, will he come back to me?

if I am contrite, weak, cowed, repentant, needy enough before the unblinking gaze of Gan, will he come back to me?

if I suffer enough for his loss, will he come back to me?

It’s easy for Me to hear the din of My conscious mind. I have a loud and insistent conscious mind. It wants what it wants, and it doesn’t take well to argument. And when what it wants is counterproductive to self, it is loud in its self-abuse -- as if that makes any sense.

But I’m tired of that cycle. It’s counterproductive at best and self-destructive at worst. It’s easy, but apparently easy is not synonymous with good.

Gan’s voice isn’t easy to listen to. It tells Me to do things I might not want to do, and the worst part is, it’s quiet about it. It’s not forceful or persuasive. It’s not tempting or pretty. And it doesn’t repeat itself -- it says what it has to say and then lets Me decide. (Because otherwise, what is free will for?)

But here’s the thing. I want to listen to it. I want to, despite how difficult it is, despite how much My conscious, flesh-driven mind might protest. Because above all, I am far-seeing, and what I see is good -- if I would only listen. Because above all, I am tired of suffering, and I know what I must do.

As always, I am the catalyst, and all that I seek is within.

Me: *immediately sneezes*

We never found any other systems we really clicked with in that way

Xibalba as a whole is a bit fractured right now, as what usually happens between big changes. The Bifrost is broken. The only ones left on this side of it are Me (duh), Garth, and Dead Man Rust. Anthony and Guardian were here for a while, but I think they’re on the other side of the split now. (Now that I think about it, they’re probably going to be the ones to fix it.)