#!unimportant

[ I'm honestly having a really hard time irl with coming to terms with myself and how shitty I've become. I'm seeing myself slowly slip back into depression and I don't know what to do, really. I'm falling apart and I'm basically human garbage and I'm just sick of myself. I have one friend left, and she's really bad for me because she's fun and charismatic and everyone notices her and loves her and I'm just the stupid, shitty, ugly, lazy friend in the background even though I work just as hard as she does but she's interesting in a way I can never be and so I'll always be second best. I don't resent her for this, it's nothing to do with her, really, I'm more angry with myself for being the way I am. I don't know what to do. I'm just lost and I'm falling apart and I'm losing myself and I just want to go back and start life over because I feel like I might do better in a second run, you know? I'm having really a hard time resisting falling back into old habits and I'm thinking more and more of death and I hate it and I hate myself. So I may disappear for long periods of time and don't worry I just need to get away from real life every so often and just escape into video games. ]