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Summary: You left, and Baekhyun tries to come to terms with his feelings. You’re in Jeju, nursing a broken heart. How will you both adjust to the absence of each other after such an intense connection?
Pairing: idol!baekhyun x fem!reader
Content: yearning, pining, swearing, specialguest!Jongdae, y/n has been a very good girl and deserves a treat! Minors DNI!
Status: Ongoing
Author’s Note: 5.2k words for you, my loves! I hope you never get tired of me saying how much I appreciate all of you who read along with me… It’s an absolute delight every time I post a new chapter, and I’m so grateful to be able to share it with you! I want to open-mouth kiss every one of you!! THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Please let me know what you think of this chapter <3
The song: Grey Rain by HAECHAN
The playlist ❤️🔥🎧
Kim Jongdae, although younger than Baekhyun by only four months, always seemed to exude an experienced wisdom, as though he had been on earth for many lifetimes, and was never judgmental when it came to these sorts of things. More than a friend or coworker, he was a vital member of Baekhyun's chosen family. Sure, Baekhyun could call his actual brother, but the closeness that he and Jongdae had cultivated for over a decade and the trust they had built through all of the tribulations they had experienced up to the present made it an easy decision to seek his counsel.
"What's up hyung?", Jongdae asked.
"Well, you're going to think I'm crazy, but… I met someone. About a week ago. And now my head is all fucked up."
"Met someone as in hooked up or?"
"Yes, but it's complicated. I've never had such an intense connection or attraction to anyone like this before. And the timing couldn't be worse, you know, with everything I have going on."
"I was wondering why you went radio silent for a week," Jongdae laughed. "I figured you were just super busy. Which you were, apparently." He wasn't even trying to hide the amusement in his voice. "But hyung, I don't remember you ever talking about anyone like this before. What is it about this person that has affected you so much?"
The dam he had built up over the last week splintered and cracked open, and he spilled his guts to Jongdae, the other man listening with uh-huhs and ahhhs as Baekhyun voiced his concerns and the details of his predicament. He felt a bit awkward at first, explaining how he had come to meet you, and (without going into too much detail) describing your intense week of passion, chemistry, and those irreplaceable hours you had spent together. It felt great to finally tell someone.
"The only way I can try to describe her is that she's like a precious jewel. The kind that you've been searching for, but usually you just end up settling for a pretty stone. Each one is beautiful and charming in their own way, but not exactly what you've been looking for," he said as Jongdae listened. "But y/n is that rare and priceless jewel that would be a shocking discovery for anyone. A sparkling jewel with many facets, and color so rare that you couldnt put a price on it. It would be foolish to leave a treasure like that behind, right?"
"Hyung," Jongdae said. " You just answered your own questions. You've already decided what you're going to do."
"No I haven't," he said. "Why do you think I called you? I'm serious. I need advice."
"Hyuuung! You just described her in poetry. You love her. You don't need my advice." His voice was a tinkling bell, light and playful.
Jongdae wasn't getting it. The stakes were sky-high and he was in desperate need of someone to tell him if he was crazy for getting involved with a fan. You were right, what you said in your letter though. The word "fan" just felt wrong and not applicable anymore.
"Yes I DO. And I have not made any decisions yet, which is why I called you," he said. Baekhyun was getting frustrated now, but he wasn't sure if it was with Jongdae or himself.
"Yes, you have. You just want someone to tell you that you're choosing correctly. And to be honest, there is no right or wrong answer here, hyung. Whatever decision you make about her, I will support you. There will be consequences either way, but that's the way life is. I chose what I wanted because my life is my own and I don't want to live with regret. There were consequences, yes, but we dealt with them together, and luckily we survived it. Not only survived, but we are really happy and soon, we'll finally get to celebrate our love with friends and family."
Baekhyun smiled as he thought about what it would be like to bring you as his date to Jongdae's wedding. What a field day the press would have with that. Some of the fandom would probably disown him. It was a nice daydream, but he quickly brushed it aside.
"Seeing you go through that hard time in your life is what scares me, Jongdae-yah. I want to protect y/n from the sad, scary, even dangerous things that could happen if we are found out. She would be torn to shreds by the media and netizens as a foreigner. Can you imagine the fuckery they would unleash on her? And I'm in the middle of establishing the company. It's not just me I have to consider. You and Minseokie hyung could be affected, too. And the rest of the staff. And the guys. AND," he said, his voice rising along with his blood pressure, "there's the small issue of us living on different continents. Aishhh," he sighed, his fingers rubbing across his forehead as if to iron the uncertainty out of his mind.
"I think you're forgetting something crucial here," Jongdae said after a pause. "Have you asked y/n about all of this? Because this isn't just your decision. Give her the chance to make the call with you. It's not like it's a marriage proposal, but if you decide you want to keep seeing her, it IS a partnership and she has the right to choose if she wants to risk it with you too."
"Fuck, you're right," he sighed. He did need to include you in the decision… the decision for what? A long-distance relationship based on less than a week together if he subtracted the days he was on his business trip?
"But you see how crazy this is, right?! We have only known each other for a week! When I take a step back and look at it without my emotions clouding my judgment, it feels insane to even consider committing to a relationship with someone who lives oceans away. What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"Hyung. Like I said before, you already know what you want. All of the 'what ifs' are just that… 'what ifs'. It's good that you're considering all the angles, but try not to worry about what hasn't happened yet, or may not even happen! Take it one step at a time. What would be the first thing you'd do to get yourself closer to what you really desire? Make a list, make a plan, and eat the elephant one bite at a time, yeah?"
"Mmmm," he replied. He knew it was a smart move to call Jongdae.
He sat there on the edge of the bed as images of you flickered through his mind- the first time you smiled at him, your arms wrapped around his waist as you scurried behind him to the kitchen, that sticky kiss after you made him breakfast. Sitting on his couch with your nose in a book. The look in your eyes as he made love to you over and over.
"Baekhyun-ah, you still there?"
"Yeah, sorry. Uh, Jongdaeyah… I gotta go. And thank you."
"You're welcome," he chuckled. "Good luck!"
"Haha, thanks. Goodnight."
"'Night!"
******************************
Twenty hours, you thought. It had been twenty long hours since you watched the silhouette of Baekhyun shrink in the distance as the car pulled out of the parking garage.
Once you had arrived in Jeju and picked up your rental car, you had not wasted any time in locating and checking into the house you had rented for the next week, craving solitude after having been subjected to crowded airports all day. It had been a very emotional and exhausting journey to Jeju.
Yesterday's skies had mirrored your emotions, but the gray gloom hadn't detracted from the absolute beauty and charm of the island, and you were looking forward to exploring today. It was a brand new day, and by the looks of it, the weather had vastly improved overnight. You yawned and stretched, reaching for your phone to check the weather to find a text from Baekhyun on your lock screen.
The title you asked me for? In your letter…
Treasure. You are my treasure.
Your heart leapt into your throat at the sight of the text on your screen, the text you had been waiting for last night until your eyelids had grown heavy and you couldn't fight off sleep any longer; your emotions bubbled to the surface. Missing him was something you would have to get used to, along with the stretches of no contact that would undoubtedly last longer than twenty hours in the future.
You wiped your eyes on your sleeve after immediately sending a message back, so grateful for the bolster of reassurance that he really did care, and had received the letter. You found it curious that he hadn't said more about it, though. You had really exposed your raw emotions and your heart in that letter, and although you had resolved not to expect anything of him, you had to admit that you craved a bit more. More what?
You waited for a response, pulse racing, only to be disappointed when he didn't reply right away. You couldn't expect the same responsiveness now that he was to be focused on work. You were well aware that he needed to catch up on the things that had piled up over the last week.
It had only been a few minutes since you sent your reply, so you willed yourself to calm the fuck down and check your other messages and notifications. You swiped through them, not really registering the notifications you were clearing out. Your mind wandered back to Baekhyun as you blindly switched from app to app, looking but not seeing.
He had never called you his treasure before, and it came as a bit of a surprise. What did it mean exactly? Treasure was such a specific word. It was so sweet, so romantic, and yet you wished you could have heard him say it to your face rather than in a text.
Selfish bitch. You chuckled. You really needed to go touch some Jeju grass today. You turned over and laid there, in awe of the space you'd be living in for the next six days.
The house had existed for a few hundred years, and had been skillfully restored rather than renovated, the original building materials and layout preserved, although it had been fully updated with all of the modern amenities one could need. It was constructed of ancient beams of wood and plaster, and of basalt, a dark volcanic rock commonly used in construction on islands such as Jeju. The primitive style of the old hanok residence, with its variety of areas made for comfort, meditation, fitness, and play would be the ideal location for you to really rest and focus on yourself.
Today would be your first real day of experiencing the island, as you were too drained yesterday to do anything besides venture out to the closest convenience store for snacks and drinks. Last night, you had sat in your bed consuming a questionable combination of foods that perhaps shouldn't have been eaten together while watching YouTube videos. You caught up on new uploads from your favorite channels , and had also begun researching food and travel vlogs. There were so many great ones out there already, and it felt intimidating to even consider the undertaking of having to film and edit your own videos.
The bed was so comfy as you laid there, mindlessly scrolling on your phone when your thoughts once again returned to him. Why wasn't he waiting by his phone like you were, desperate for some sort of contact? You know why. Don't be stupid.
Your stomach gurgled, interrupting you from spiraling more.
Need coffee.
Your brain and stomach were fully awake now, and so demanding. With a huff, you swung your legs to the side of the bed and stood, stretching away the stiffness of sleep. The host had provided slippers and a robe, adding to the coziness and welcoming nature of the house; it would be so easy to just stay inside the whole day, tucked away in your little den of solitude. This would be the perfect getaway for two, with so many nooks and places to cuddle, drink, fuck, eat, relax, swim, nap, and repeat. Why did your body respond so immediately at the thought of being trapped inside for a week with Baekhyun? The freestanding tub was practically begging for two occupants.
As you dressed and got yourself ready for a day out, you planned to check some items off your long list of places to visit on the western side of the island, close to the village you were staying in. The main destinations you wanted to hit today were a cute cafe (which in your opinion was the most important as it would caffeinate you, and the sooner the better), Osulloc Tea Farm and Innisfree flagship store which were conveniently located right next to each other, and a dinner spot that was well known for its seafood ramyeon. Anything else you could squeeze in would be a bonus. Maybe you could find some cute Jeju souvenirs for your best friend and family today, too.
***************************
Some of the native grasses had started browning and going to seed, the leaves had begun to change colors, and the ocean beckoned you to come get some healing energy as soon as possible. It was the perfect environment for the hole in your chest to begin its process of knitting back together. The sunshine and sea breeze were lifting your spirits a bit, too.
The Osulloc tea fields stretched before you, the windmills dotting the landscape in sharp contrast with the deep, lush green of neatly manicured rows of tea shrubs. You had ordered the basket brunch at the Innisfree Jeju House cafe- a sampler of rice balls, green onion pancakes, fruits, and other nibbles, as well as a green tea Swiss roll cake, a vanilla ube latte, and a sparkling hallabong citrus drink (the signature fruit grown on the island). Soft chatter and sounds coming from the espresso machine mingled in the air around you as you sat and enjoyed your lunch, taking in the gorgeous view outside while posting some of your favorite photos from Jeju so far.
OMG proof of life! I've been waiting to see what you're up to!
That looks so nice! I wish I was there with you!
She's alive!!
Had you really forgotten to post on your socials for that long? You didn't realize people were so invested in your travels and waiting on you for updates. Maybe Baekhyun was right about the YouTube thing.
You had already started filming some footage of your day, trying your best to get eye-catching, artsy shots. You felt a bit weird about wearing the clip-on microphone Baekhyun had given you in public, but no one seemed to care and you figured these aesthetic locations probably attracted many vloggers and influencers anyway.
You almost spat out your drink as a new message came through from Baekhyun. But it wasn't a text to you. It was a bubble message. He hadn't bubbled in quite some time, and come to think of it, not since the day you and he met. You had almost forgotten about bubble and how it used to make your day to get those mass direct messages from him. It felt like a lifetime ago.
Annyeong!!?
Erideul! My loves!!! Did you miss me?! ㅜㅜ
He sent a photo of the view from the Naksan wall trail. From the hike you went on together.
~~healing view!!
Another photo, this time of the light fountains on Banpo Bridge. You weren't ready for the ache in your chest.
Han River walk at night! Isn't it so pretty??
you didn't even know I was there, right?! I'm good at hiding ㅎㅎ
I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. I've been so busy!
Did you sleep well?
He was on his phone right now. You waited thirty seconds so as to not seem too needy before you texted him.
“Nice bubble photos! Miss you 😭”
He didn't respond. But he wasn't bubbling anymore either. Maybe he had a few minutes to interact with the fans and now he's in a meeting with notifications silenced? It took a lot of restraint not to send a hundred more messages.
As expected, Eris on various socials were already dissecting the photos, playing detective to try and figure out what day his photos had been taken according to the weather. It felt strange to have the inside scoop on his personal life, and to have been present when these photos were taken, yet to feel so far away from him, and not just physically.
*****************************
Your afternoon had been successful, having made it to all of the places you wanted to visit. You had decided to do the free soap making workshop at Innisfree, using your time there wisely by making the soap for your best friend. It meant one less souvenir you had to buy, and it smelled amazing. She would love it.
The afternoon was spent wandering the shops along the coastline and grabbing some fun footage of yourself hopping across the multicolored pilings along the seaside. While you waited for the coveted rooftop table at Noraba Ramyeon, you tried to take some "b reel" footage for your first vlog video, hoping you had taken enough aesthetic shots to really showcase this part of the island.
The seafood ramyeon was incredibly fresh and beautifully presented, and the view was to die for. Normally, it would have been the most perfect way to end the day, but that was before the heartbreak. Because no matter how much fun you were having, you wished you could share it with Baekhyun. He would love this. You had said it so many times today. Was it always this exhausting to try and not be hopelessly in love with someone?
You sent him a photo of your bowl.
Ramyeon isn't the same without my Baek ㅜㅜ
***************************
Last night, you had attempted to start editing your first vlog, only to fail miserably. You definitely needed to do more research on editing and the best software program for beginners. After calling it a night, you had planned your next day of adventures, and waited for a reply from Baekhyun that never came.
This morning, you had found another really great cafe for breakfast, carrying on your new tradition of uploading photos to your socials while you ate.
ㅎㅎ it was such a good day!! Miss u too ㅜㅜ
The jumpscare made you gasp out loud, causing the guests of the cafe to turn towards you and stare.
FUCK!
It felt like ages since you had received a text from Baekhyun and now you couldn't remember how to respond like a normal human.
The dots began jumping up and down. He was writing more. You decided to play it cool by reacting to his last message with a heart.
My mouth is watering!! That ramyeon looks so good~~
Did you love it??
"Oh my god!", you said aloud, drawing attention to yourself once again.
Y/n, I have a surprise for you ㅎㅎ
What the fuck?
A surprise?? 😮 tell me!!
Yes the ramyeon was so delicious… You would love it!
You waited as his dots continued to jump. You sipped your coffee, about to launch off the chair in anticipation.
Well, I know of a chef there who specializes in Jeju black pork! It's a famous dish 😊
He didn't know that you had already planned on eating black pork this week. What was he up to?
So I called to see if they could prepare a special meal for you to film for your vlog! If you don't already have plans tomorrow night, he would be happy to have you at 7:00pm. My treat ㅎㅎ
Here you were, sulking for the last few days while he worked his ass off, and somehow had managed to plan something special just for you. God, I'm such a brat!
Baek?! I can't believe you did that for me 😭 that is so thoughtful of you!
THANK YOU 🥹
Although you may have to wait awhile on the vlog. I suck at editing 😑
But yay! I'm so excited
ㅎㅎ That's ok! You will learn!! ❤️
Ok, I will let the chef know you're coming! The restaurant is called The Flying Hog, and your reservation is for 7:00pm.
I have to go now ㅠㅠ
Sorry if I don't respond right away, but I'm trying to get work done 😭
No worries, I understand! You're the boss now!
Thank you so much, Baek. I MISS YOU!
You set the phone down with a *clack* on the table, the noise louder than you had expected.
You couldn't help it. You covered your face and kicked your feet, well aware that you were drawing more unwanted attention to yourself, but that was the least of your worries right now. Not only had he been thinking about you, he had also planned something so thoughtful for you in his absence. Baekhyun's generosity continued to follow you, even after you had been completely spoiled and looked after by him last week.
If anything, this one gesture made you crave him even more than before. It was such an interesting kind of ache. What was the definition for admiration mixed with longing? What about happiness and desperation? It was all new territory you were discovering, and you had to remind yourself that the journey you were on was certainly character-building. Patience and gratitude would be paramount now.
After leaving the cafe to properly freak out in the car, you headed back to the house for some leisure time before dinner.
Baekhyun had gifted you this amazing opportunity to film some unique and exclusive content for your (as of now nonexistent) YouTube channel, and you were not about to squander the opportunity. He had revived the spark in you, and you took the afternoon to devise a plan for tomorrow night's dinner. The house became a haven for your creativity with its magazine-worthy views at every turn, the indoor plants and even the scent of the house pouring its life-force into you. The dreamy sheer draperies billowing in the breeze from the open window added an ethereal quality to the mood, and you found that for the first time since you had left him, you felt peaceful.
Your equipment was scattered out on the kitchen table, and as you sipped your coffee, you took stock of everything you would need for dinner at The Flying Hog. Your camera would need to be charged, and you needed to make sure you had a tripod, spare battery, storage, and the mic Baekhyun had given you. What else am I forgetting? What the hell am I going to wear?
Tomorrow, you would need to go shopping.
*****************************
Good morning, angel!
I'm nervous for tonight!
But excited! I think I have everything prepared
I wish you could be here with me… you always make me feel stronger
Anyways, hope you're having a good day! Miss you, Baek!
****************************
The Flying Hog was located in Seogwipo, a city in the south-central part of Jeju, and quite the drive. You were glad you had done your research on the restaurant, because it was much fancier and more expensive than the other places you would usually visit. Luckily, you had found a gorgeous black satin shirt dress at a boutique earlier in the day, as well as a pair of strappy heels to make you feel appropriately dressed for the setting. The dress was cut on a bias, allowing the material to drape and slink over your curves as you walked. The side slits hit perfectly above your knees, and the cuffs of the long sleeves along with the collar added a sophistication otherwise missing from anything in your wardrobe. You chose to do something different with your makeup, opting for a soft smoky eye and red lipstick, a bold choice that made you feel empowered and confident for tonight.
You were struck by the whimsical decor of the restaurant as you opened the door and entered; Baekhyun had chosen the restaurant for you perfectly. The white, modern lanterns cast a soft, ambient glow over the tables which were set at regular intervals along playful, almost circus tent-shaped, banquette seating. The floor had been set in a pattern of rectangular tiles of black and white marble that gleamed and reflected the orbs above them. The sun had set, the colors of the sky over the ocean were picture perfect, framed by wide, floor to ceiling windows. Votive candles in cut crystal cups on every table brought life and motion to the room. It was so romantic. You looked around and realized it was mostly couples at the tables, making soft eyes and holding hands, and you did your best not to let it dampen your spirits. You were here for a different reason.
A cute, petite woman in a pantsuit walked over from the podium. She had perfect bangs, her hair drawn back into a neat ponytail.
"Miss Y/n? Hello, I'm Sunny! Welcome to The Flying Hog! Will you please follow me?"
"Yes, nice to meet you! Thank you!"
She lead you to your table at the far corner of the restaurant, the cozy chef's table which was situated close to the kitchen, but with a picturesque view of the ocean below.
"Wow, this is stunning!", you said as you took your seat.
"It's our pleasure to serve you this evening. Tonight's meal is a prix fixe menu with a variety of the chef's most popular dishes. Here is the wine menu. Would you like a few minutes to take a look?"
"Yes, that would be great! I also need to set up a few things for my vlog," you said, praying she knew what you were talking about.
"Ahh, yes! Make yourself comfortable, and the server will be with you shortly to take your drink order," said Sunny.
"Great, thank you so much."
Baekhyun really had taken care of everything, and it took your anxiety level down several notches as you set your equipment up, clipped your mic on, and filmed a few shots of the table setting, the menu, the view, and yourself, sitting in your seat near the window. You had already done your research on the restaurant as well as the head chef, and had even outlined somewhat of a script to follow, comprised of how you wanted the camera to be set up, the shots you knew you wanted to get, and a list of settings to check as soon as you were seated. You jotted down some notes for things to talk about in your vlog voice over as a server came to take your order.
Just as the waiter stepped away, a male figure talking to Sunny near the entrance caught your eye. Damn that guy is handsome you thought as you took in his figure. He pushed his hair back off his face, and you noted that his sleeves were rolled up to his forearms, a thin tennis bracelet around his wrist catching the light. To your shock, Sunny held out a hand in your direction and his eyes followed, landing on yours. Your hand flew to your mouth, muffling an involuntary gasp.
WHAT?!
Your soul had left your body.
He bowed to the hostess before turning back towards you and began walking in your direction as you mouthed "what the fuck". You sat there in shock, heart in your throat, watching him move as if in slow motion, beaming a soul-snatching smile. You didn't know if you wanted to scream or cry or just melt into the floor. Instead, you stayed glued to your chair, gobsmacked. It was hard to breathe, and your body trembled as you tried to make sense of what you were seeing.
How was he here? Why was he here? And why did he look like that? It was too hard to process.
He strode towards you dressed in chunky black boots, fitted denim jeans that flared out over the boots just so, a white collared button up shirt with a black tie, and thick, black rimmed glasses.
The glasses were unnecessary. RUDE even. How the fuck did he know your ultimate weakness was him in glasses? And he has the audacity to show up, looking like the hot nerd of your dreams…
The Baekhyun you had grown accustomed to in real life usually dressed casually (although his "casual" clothing was still high end designer labels), the puppy boyfriend version. THIS Baekhyun was a fucking punch to the gut, his aura preceding him as he sped up the closer he got to you.
Somehow you willed yourself to stand up on wobbly knees as it seemed this was in fact not a hallucination.
He stopped short, inches from you and scooped you up into an all-consuming embrace.
His laugh! Oh my god his laugh…
"What— HOW???"
His head found its place in the crook of your neck and he inhaled sharply before setting you down on your feet again.
"You're here," you said. Your voice betrayed you with the smallest quiver.
"Yeah, I am. Hi pretty," he said in your ear. Soft giggles echoed in his chest against you as he kissed your cheek. Your head automatically rested against his chest as if it lived there.
“Surprise!”, he sang.
"Is this real?" You held onto him tightly, unwilling to let go just yet. His scent enveloped you and confirmed that yes, it was real. He was really in your arms and his hands rubbed comfortingly along your back.
You didn't know what was going on, but right now you just needed to look into his eyes. Really look. You pulled back just far enough to be able to see his face.
"I'm here," he said, barely loud enough for anyone else to hear. He flashed his heart-stopper of a smile at you, leaving you lost for words once again."You look so beautiful." He squeezed your waist.
You could only smile and laugh, happy tears be damned.
"May I join you for dinner?", he asked.
"Only if you tell me what the hell is going on," you said, taking a seat and pulling him down with you onto the banquette seating. "I need you to sit next to me, so I can touch you and make sure you're really, actually here and I'm not just delusional."
"I'll explain everything in just a minute," he said, lacing his fingers through yours and planting a kiss on the top of your hand before flagging down a server. To your surprise, you could feel that he was shaking slightly as well.
He ordered some wine as you sat there, dumbfounded at his beauty and his scent and the feeling of the side of his body touching yours.
He turned to you with soft eyes, brushed your cheek and the world melted away.
He took a deep breath, smiled, and began.
Next ~ (part 15)
Tag list (please lmk if you would like to be added!): @miabbh, @byunaylinee @100hyunswife, @raspage @littleflowercrown13 @ohbubbletea @chinchilasninjas @yjwpout @iywxzo @lysslovers
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it is I tumblr user princemick. maybe some of you remember last year, when I did a research paper for my 3rd yr about the connection between art and the things sports fans create. if you dont know it, here's a link to some of the posts:
sports.art.tag
now I'm graduating and expanding on that research for this year and this is a next step in that. this year I'm focusing more on validating that connection but especially validating being a fan to those that dont understand it.
so, I've created another form! I'm going to ask a few questions about WHY and HOW you are a fan. but also about culture and being a fan and the community that follows that.
It would be SO!! appreciated to have 5 mins of your time to fill out a big ol poll basically !!! thank you in advance!!
I'm doing my graduation research paper as a continuation on the idea of the relationship between art and sports especially the art that is c
and please do reblog and spread it around to any and all of your sports loving friends, parents, family any and all are welcome!