He looks away as the other looks over him. He knows it’s obvious he’s been crying. Hell, he’d been crying barely moments before. He was lucky his tears had stopped now. He sniffled and rubbed at his red nose, knowing it was still drippy from crying so hard.
He let out a laugh as the men mentioned fish. He hadn’t thought of them to be honest. He’d just come here because it qws quiet and he could be alone. But was he really out here to be alone? Some part of him wanted someone to notice him to console him, just like now. He could already feel himself more at ease already. He rubbed his eyes as he smiled at the man. Such a kind person to go out ot his way to make him happy. That was something that Jongdae valued very much.
He smiled slightly, an eyebrow raising up as the other laid his head on his shoulder. He was always a guy for only a limited amount of skinship, yet when he felt that warmth of another person on his shoulder he couldn’t help but feel more relived. His heart started to bubble with sadness and happiness, all at the same time, starting to overflow like a boiling pot put to high. He sniffled and rubbed his nose as the man spoke, his voice vibrating into Jongdae’s body.
“One way or another, huh?” He said softly, recalling all the other ways he’d tried to rid himself of the grief. The bottle of vodka, the street fights, the sleeping around. All things he’d done to try and numb the pain in his chest. Some worked for a little bit, long enough to last a little while in the real world… Others barely any time at all. They only left him more broken. He thought of how Minseok would bandage him up and how Piper would kiss him. He sniffled and wiped his eyes, trying to block out the pain again. Focus upon reality. Minseok was dead and Piper was in America.
“You might be the last person to judge me, but many of the things I feel sad for are secrets I must bear on my own or suffer the chance of burdening others, or worse, endangering them.” He looks out to the water. It almost looks like it’s dancing or crying as the wind blows over it, making it ripple. The animals swim peacefully as children play across the pond, trying to catch frogs and fish. They were innocent. They knew nothing of the vampires and werewolves and ghosts that Jongdae almost encountered daily. “Tell me, if you know your secrets might make someone worry for you more, worry for their own lives, would you tell someone? Someone you care about and don’t wish to leave?"
He sighed and looked to the blue sky. He’d already said too much. Any more and he might endanger this stranger. Who knows what this man’s life was like right now. He might have a family, or a fiance. He might even have a child for all Jongdae could know. If he told him anymore, everything this man knew might fall apart around him.
He sighed once again and noted how blue the sky seemed today.
He understands the need to suffer in silence. Sometimes, it feels like people just won’t get it. Nobody knows what you went through better than you do. And that’s the human experience in a nutshell. Typically, that’s why he puts everything into his writing.
Still, when there are thousand bricks on your back, it doesn’t hurt to have someone take a couple off.
It’s an interesting question. Something that should be considered carefully. There’s weight to it, and the answer will be heavy, too.
To think, this started out as a normal, quiet day.
“That’s not quite fair, is it?” He sighs. “Everyone’s first instinct is to protect the things that they want, sure. You want to keep someone around, someone you like - but that doesn’t factor in to what is best for the other person. Or what the other person wants.”
He starts picking at blades of grass and ponders his own predicament. He’s only really close to one person, so he’s not the best springboard for interpersonal questions like this. But he’d want that person to know if there were something going on; something that would effectively put one or both of them in danger.
“They would deserve to know about it. Even if it ends up driving a wedge between you. If they love you, they’ll stay... That’s what love is, isn’t it? It’s a choice to be with someone, knowing that they’re exactly what you want and what you need. And when bad things happen, you fight to get through it together.” That sounds dumb. “It sounds stupid and too romantic to be realistic, but it’s the closest I think I can get to what it is.”
The man next to him is somehow both relaxed and stiff at the same time. There’s something about secrets that always puts people on edge. He’s curious, to be honest, to hear what his companion has to hide. But he’s not going to press on it because it’s not his business, after all. Still...
“Sounds like the plot of one of those action movies, though. You part of the mob or something?”