better places

taekwoon first spots him, again, over a campfire steadily growing smaller where it sits in the sand. it was set up for its light, but it’s way past midnight and people are huddled up with blankets and spring jackets around it to stay warm rather than to see properly.

“you’re late,” jaehwan grins and hands him a beer; a cigarette too, when he manages to fish the pack up from his jacket.

“i was sleeping, i wasn’t gonna go, really..,” taekwoon mumbles, not that he thinks it makes any difference to jaehwan.

“we’re not staying much longer, you can come back to my place if you want, though.”

taekwoon hums in reply as he takes a swig from the bottle, shutting his eyes for a second. it’s cold but the sun is just rising above the horizon again, casting weak rays over the beach and the heavy, slow waves of the sea. when he looks back up from his beer, reaching into his pocket to find a lighter, hongbin is sitting right across from him; the side of his face illuminated by the fire and his hair shining dark in contrast of the bleak sand and 4 am sky. he’s hunched over on a sunbed chair with a cigarette in his hand, chewing on his bottom lip while listening to the person next to him speak and twirling a can of beer standing on his thigh with his free hand.

he looks just like what taekwoon probably imagined he would do by now, when they parted ways in middle school.

“--taekwoon?”

taekwoon blinks and snaps out of it, turning to jaehwan and just catching a glimpse of hongbin’s eyes falling on him, “sorry, yeah?”

“light,” jaehwan mouths quietly, hand on the small of taekwoon’s back and rolling a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

a brief moment of taekwoon glancing between jaehwan, the fire, the lighter in his hand, and back up at jaehwan before reaching up to light his cigarette. jaehwan grins as he puts the cigarette between his lips, and taekwoon would too, was he not preoccupied with wondering what it was that brought hongbin out here.

5 am and taekwoon’s on his third beer; the bottles growing warmer with the rays of sun, and the sand under his now bare feet isn’t as cold as he remembers it to have been when he first toed his shoes off. jaehwan’s plans on leaving soon seem to have been postponed, and taekwoon doesn’t really mind - he was too tired before, dozing off in his single room off campus apartment with a book nearly falling out of his hands every time his head drooped and his eyes fell shut, but an hour or two of sleep and a handful of smokes and beers later he feels like yesterday just started. never mind that it’s very much sunday and taekwoon still has a bunch of assignments he never really finished.

the crowd had shrunk and the fire was about to go out, no one cared to go and dig out the extra firewood from the trunk of wonsik’s car, and jaehwan pulled taekwoon along to the skirts of the water as they shared another cigarette.

“you’d think the water would be warmer by now, but,” jaehwan says with a shrug, walking a few steps ahead of taekwoon with his bare feet sinking into the sand. “i guess it’s probably not this cold during the day.”

“yeah,” taekwoon agrees, absentminded and eyes trained on his feet as sleepy waves pulls grains of sand over his toes.

“do you know hongbin, by the way,” jaehwan says next, glancing back at taekwoon and reaching him the cigarette.

taekwoon chews on the inside of his cheek, tries to spot something of ill will in jaehwan’s eyes but can’t find any.

“we were classmates in middle school.”

“ahh--,” jaehwan chimes, as if he just remembered something. “--just thought he was looking at you an awful lot before they left.”

“i haven’t really talked to him since i moved, but it’s been years, so..,” taekwoon trails off, thinking, and pulls a drag from the cigarette while jaehwan slows down a little and shoves his hands into the pockets of his shorts. none of them are that drunk; taekwoon never really got there and jaehwan’s shallow intoxication had worn off a while after taekwoon arrived.

“he looks like a heartbreaker,” jaehwan grins, walking backwards and facing taekwoon as they pass the cigarette between them again.

taekwoon feels his head grow thicker, sinking back into sleepiness bit by bit.

“yeah, maybe.”

_______________

the other college, the one a couple of streets down from taekwoon’s apartment, is the one hongbin goes to; the college taekwoon couldn’t get into but that hongbin was evidently smart enough for. it’s the same one wonsik and sanghyuk attends too, so that would explain how hongbin had shown up at their a-month-into-the-new-semester beach hangout.

“hey,” hongbin’s voice comes from behind him one friday when he’s done with classes and walking leisurely through the aisles at the large supermarket.

taekwoon pulls his earbud out and eyes hongbin from head to toe while he manages a “hey” in response.

“i saw you the other week, at the beach, i just wanted to--“ a small smile on his lips, creases under his eyes and a hand coming up to push his dark hair out of his face. “--i never said hi, i don't know if you saw me then but.. hi.”

“hi,” taekwoon echoes, eyes looking back into hongbin’s and his mouth feeling stuffed as he pronounces the short word. “i did see you, back then.”

“oh,” hongbin purses his lips and it’s painfully awkward; taekwoon moves his basket from one hand to the other and picks at his sleeve. “it’s nice to see you again.”

it sounds genuine but taekwoon’s head is spinning in all directions, leading him off track, and all he can think about is how hongbin was his first best friend and his first love.

“you too,” he manages a few seconds too late, hongbin chewing on his bottom lip and looking troubled, but smiling again when taekwoon replies.

“i gotta go but, i’ll see you around, i hope?”

taekwoon nods and tries a small smile, wanting to say he hopes so too, but there’s that thick feeling in his mouth again and he only watches as hongbin heads for the cashiers; his hair a black, silky mess and his white t-shirt a little too tight.

_______________

catching up isn’t what taekwoon would call it; he hasn’t been saying too much and he’s not even sure he wants hongbin to know how he spent the past couple of years, but it’s something other than awkward small talk, and taekwoon is just sober enough to be grateful that it isn’t. there’s a warning sign fleeting through his mind when hongbin coaxes him up from jaehwan’s couch by the wrists, giggling over the music playing and saying something about a cigarette, another drink. taekwoon wills the uneasy feeling away and replaces it with a pleasant buzz spreading in his spine and legs as he lets hongbin pull him with.

jaehwan is on the balcony when they make it through the door, putting his cigarette out just as hongbin lights taekwoon’s, and he tilts his head at taekwoon with a curious smile before he walks past him. he ruffles taekwoon’s hair in the process, saying a quiet ‘heartbreaker’ as he passes by, quiet enough so that hongbin doesn’t hear, and taekwoon would roll his eyes if he wasn’t convinced he would lose his balance if he did.

“i was worried this would feel really weird,” hongbin says, tone thoughtful and voice unsteady from alcohol. “sorry if it was awkward or something, when i talked to you at the store.”

“it’s fine,” taekwoon replies, leaning against the railing. he’s not sure it really is, but he’s nowhere sober enough to start a discussion like that.

“aside from that we’re drinking vodka and not soda, this feels kind of just like when we were kids,” hongbin says quietly, head rested in his palm and his eyes fixed on something far away that taekwoon can’t pinpoint.

“kind of?,” he repeats with a smile. it kind of does, he thinks, but he’s guessing hongbin doesn’t have the same perspective on this as he does.

“i mean, there’s a bunch of things, other than the vodka, you know..,” hongbin glances at him, flicks ashes off his cigarette. “but i think, when i saw you at the beach, i kinda.. imagined it’d be way more weird, if we ran into each other again. weirder than this.”

“yeah,” taekwoon shrugs, trailing off and counting in his head how many times hongbin had said ‘weird’ that night. “me too.”

he feels nervous when hongbin looks at him - feels like his hair is too long or that it’s out of place, and that maybe his t-shirt is too big on his torso, that it’s a bad color, too dark. hongbin hadn’t changed much, and taekwoon thinks he himself might have changed more than hongbin would like. not that taekwoon had any idea what hongbin would or wouldn’t prefer.

then; “you look good,” hongbin’s eyes kind and, taekwoon notices, blown dark from too many drinks and not enough light to see.

“so do you,” taekwoon replies almost automatically, feeling his mouth grow that anxiety filled kind of thick again; hongbin only watches him in response, smile still on his lips before he turns back to the view and takes a drag from his cigarette.

on the tip of taekwoon’s tongue is the confession he held back for years; it’s bitter and fluttering, wanting out, but while taekwoon is drunk enough to let it slip out was he not careful enough, he’s also sober enough to force it back down. besides, taekwoon thinks, he’s not sure what the point of telling hongbin would be.

_______________

another night; both taekwoon and hongbin a little more drunk, wonsik as well, jaehwan getting there while they sit in taekwoon’s apartment this time, the air stuffy even with the windows open wide in an attempt to get some of the cool evening air inside. wonsik just won five consecutive games of mario kart double dash and taekwoon opens the balcony door after he shuts the console off, sinking down on the floor with his back to the door as he lights up a cigarette and throws his pack to wonsik.

“winner gets one smoke,” he explains under his breath, rolling his eyes with a smile when wonsik fishes up three cigarettes from the carton in his hand.

“you owe me two,” he grins. “probably.”

a minute later, mid-drag from wonsik’s cigarette; jaehwan announces that he’s going out to see sanghyuk and falls into a debate with wonsik whether he can tag along or not. taekwoon shuts his eyes and lets his head roll back against the door, his mind spinning just a little. he’s allowed a few seconds for himself before there’s the small push of air of someone standing next to him; then, the warmth of a body sliding down to sit next to his own, a bare arm pressing against his.

“are you doing anything tomorrow?,” hongbin asks, reaching taekwoon a cold beer when he peers down at him.

“not really,” he cracks the can open, thinking that hongbin must have dared to go into his messy kitchen and dig this out of the fridge.

“is it okay if i crash here?”

taekwoon takes a sip and sighs, leaning his head back again after he swallows and thinks for the thousandth time, probably, that he wishes he could will away the cold weight sinking in his stomach and how he wants to touch hongbin’s hair and kiss him. how he wants to talk to him and tell him what he didn’t say when they were thirteen; he wants to think he still doesn’t see a point in telling hongbin that, but there’s an itch in the back of his head and a fluttering in his stomach that says otherwise.

“it’s alright if you don’t want me to,” hongbin adds a few moments of silence later, when taekwoon is putting his cigarette out and tossing it up over the balcony railing. “promise.”

hongbin reaches him another cigarette later, when taekwoon has shrugged and mumbled an “it’s fine”, but taekwoon declines in favor of getting up and seeing jaehwan and wonsik out.

taekwoon sinks back down next to hongbin after the others leave, letting his head drop to hongbin’s shoulder while hongbin smokes and flicks ashes onto the balcony floor.

“you tired already?,” he asks softly, and taekwoon shuts his eyes as hongbin speaks.

“a little,” he admits - only half aware that he even opened his mouth, but not dwelling on it when hongbin reaches up to carefully card his fingers through taekwoon’s fringe. he doesn’t mention that he hasn’t slept well in what feels like years.

there’s something that feels strangely habitual when hongbin wraps an arm around his shoulders and holds him closer, but taekwoon uses the little clear-headedness he has left to remind himself that they’re just drunk: that hongbin is drunk and that a warm body next to your own always feels good when you’re drunk.

the sun sets and taekwoon misses it, with his mind elsewhere and his head leaned on hongbin’s pulled up knees, wondering distantly what hongbin is thinking about but not asking. he’s about to doze off like that when hongbin moves a little, his hand falling from taekwoon’s hair, and taekwoon opens his eyes to watch hongbin puts his cigarette out. taekwoon takes the opportunity to straighten up a little, stretching his legs out and scratching a mosquito bite on the back of his neck while he reaches for his beer.

“if you’re up for it, i wanna challenge you on double dash,” hongbin says when he’s back inside, sitting in front of taekwoon and leaning against the back of one of the armchairs. “just the two of us.”

“sure,” taekwoon shrugs, eyeing hongbin’s smile before taking a sip from the can.

“winner gets to be the little spoon?”

taekwoon pauses mid-sip at that, only for the fraction of a second, remembering how they would make bets like this in middle school and how taekwoon’s stomach would flip every time hongbin doubled over on the floor in defeat with a laughed groan. he looks back at hongbin to find him with pursed lips hiding a smile as he drinks from his beer.

“i’ve gotten better, i swear.”

he had, taekwoon realized; the two of them a little more wasted and maybe not as engrossed in the game as they were earlier, but hongbin had gotten better and as opposed to when they were in middle school, he only smiles a content smile as they’re putting the controllers down. as they share one last cigarette on the balcony, the start menu music plays solemnly in the background, drowned out by late night drivers down in the street and some stray, chilly winds blowing between the apartment buildings. hongbin’s face is lit up from below, orange tinted streetlights and something like neon, a source of light taekwoon can’t remember where it might come from.

hongbin shuts his eyes and rolls his head back after he hands taekwoon the cigarette, his neck letting out a low crack followed by a light laugh from hongbin. he rubs at his left eye with the heel of his hand, and taekwoon distracts himself with a deep drag of smoke while hongbin comes back to lean against the railing, reaching out to play with taekwoon’s fingers on his free hand. with cold fingertips he bends taekwoon’s joints and pushes lightly at his knuckles, as if he’s trying to figure out every bone and sinew.

“i haven’t been the small spoon in forever,” he hums, glancing up at taekwoon.

“me neither,” taekwoon chuckles, hongbin returning it with a wide smile as he tickles the palm of taekwoon’s hand with his blunt nails.

“you look like you make an even better big spoon now,” he adds, giving taekwoon an evaluating look and another laugh when taekwoon purses his lips. it’s both from being startled and from feeling embarrassed, but taekwoon hopes hongbin only notices the first.

in bed; it’s grown cold in the apartment from the balcony door being left open, and hongbin makes a big deal out of wrapping them up in the blanket properly, nuzzling close to taekwoon as their cocoon grows warmer.

“did you forget what being the little spoon means,” taekwoon asks quietly, nose buried in hongbin’s hair, but he’s not complaining.

hongbin chuckles, his breath hot against taekwoon’s bare shoulder, and taekwoon chews down on the side of his tongue, something cold sinking in his stomach. he feels jittery and suddenly not tired at all; his senses heightened and every gentle touch of hongbin’s fingertips to his back having something in his head run amok and his skin prickling.

“of course i didn’t,” hongbin replies, late enough for taekwoon to all but forget what he asked. “i just wanna lie like this, only for a little while.”

“sure,” taekwoon mumbles, sure hongbin isn’t really listening with the way he seems preoccupied with tracing the bumps in taekwoon’s spine.

for a while, taekwoon thinks that if he was tired, he would be able to fall asleep like this; never mind the way he felt a little awkward with hongbin’s skin almost sticking to his own every time they shifted, or how he felt devoid of air to breathe where he had his face pushed into hongbin’s messy hair. with a sigh, hongbin wraps his arm a little tighter around taekwoon’s middle, and taekwoon can feel hongbin’s forehead touching the side of his own neck, nose tip pressed against his clavicle and mouth letting out another slow, soundless sigh. something in the back of taekwoon’s head has him think, hope, that hongbin can’t feel how fast his heart is beating.

“hongbin,” he whispers, curling his index and middle fingers as he gently strokes the back of hongbin’s neck in an attempt to get his attention.

another moment of silence before hongbin hums, a low “yeah” and another warm breath on taekwoon’s skin.

taekwoon, imagining what he could possibly say, because he doesn’t want hongbin to turn away from him just yet; and hongbin, moving with a tired noise and suddenly looking up at taekwoon in the dark, hair falling into his eyes and his mouth slanted as he chews on his cheek, “what is it?”.

the twisting, warm feeling in taekwoon’s chest somehow manages to calm taekwoon down, his nerves less jumpy and his head clearer. he’s about to ask hongbin if it’s okay, if taekwoon can kiss him, but the words won’t come out and he’s left tilting his head down a little, the tip of his nose touching hongbin’s as they look at each other in the dark. just as taekwoon’s clear head is starting to grow anxious again, hongbin lets out a small breath - a held back laugh - and taekwoon leans in the last inch in time with hongbin’s hand coming up to the back of his neck.

it lasts only for a few seconds, but taekwoon is only able to figure that out because he realizes he’s been holding his breath the entire kiss. hongbin is still chuckling the first time they pull apart, his breath warm and hitting taekwoon’s lips in little puffs; taekwoon feels like he’s floating, body warm under the comfort of the blanket and fingers tracing absently down hongbin’s smooth back.

“i wanted to kiss you before but i didn’t know if i could,” hongbin whispers, and at loss of anything to say taekwoon moves back in.

hongbin pushes closer and taekwoon can feel his smile fading when they deepen the kiss this time, taekwoon feeling like the warmth in the pit of his stomach flames up to a full blown fire. he feels helpless and small in the light of it, but the sensation falters with every slow stroke of hongbin’s lips against his own, and by the time they break apart taekwoon feels like he’s about to burst. still, the confession is sticking in his mouth like glue again and it’s just as bitter as before, for reasons taekwoon can’t seem to pinpoint.

another whisper from hongbin, “i’m sleepy”, and a smile taekwoon can just make out the edges off in the dark.

“sorry, we-- we can sleep,” taekwoon mumbles in reply, his voice sounding foreign, but hongbin smiles wider and presses another quick kiss to taekwoon’s parted lips as he runs his hand down taekwoon’s back.

“don’t worry about it,” he reassures him before he’s turning over; one hand wrapping around taekwoon’s wrist to keep his arm close around himself.

back with his nose in hongbin’s hair, taekwoon tries in vain to still his racing heart, embarrassed that hongbin can probably feel it with his back pressed close to taekwoon’s chest. he takes a long, slow breath and shuts his eyes, curling his body a little and draping his left leg over hongbin’s shins.

“goodnight, hyung,” hongbin says, quietly while running the pad of his thumb over taekwoon’s knuckles.

taekwoon can only hum in response, nuzzling closer to hongbin with a tired sigh and trying to fall asleep. he’s too anxious to figure out something to say about it in the morning, so he doesn’t say anything at all.

_______________

it takes taekwoon a week or two to realize; after spending a few too long moments watching hongbin topple over wonsik with laughter, and noticing on more than one occasion how hongbin will leave his hand on wonsik’s forearm to stroke the inside of his wrist with the pads of his fingers. taekwoon chews away at his bottom lip until it splits and he can taste iron in his mouth, but he keeps quiet, telling himself he wasn’t expecting anything. or at least that he shouldn’t have been, because hongbin didn’t owe him anything.

during fall break, hongbin convinces taekwoon to come along to the beach one last time, before it becomes too cold to stay out all night. it’s tuesday and everything is closed, so they gather what they can find and sit around a slowly growing fire with half a bottle of vodka from jaehwan’s place and a few beers taekwoon and sanghyuk managed to dig out from their fridges.

it’s too cold, taekwoon thinks, to be drinking beer by the sea at midnight in september, but the vodka warms him up well enough for him to stick around. hongbin is sitting between him and wonsik on the largest log by the fire, his right arm wound loosely around wonsik’s waist and his head dropped carefully onto taekwoon’s shoulder as he smokes a cigarette, passing it to wonsik after half of it has burned out.

“what’s up with you?,” jaehwan asks - half concerned and half drunk - after the vodka is gone, having dragged taekwoon and sanghyuk with him to walk along the shoreline with bare feet in cold water.

“nothing,” taekwoon shrugs, glancing with an amused smile at sanghyuk who is complaining about his toes freezing, then back at jaehwan. “nothing, really, i’m just tired.”

jaehwan eyes him for another second but lets it be, hooks his left arm with taekwoon’s and keeps walking. they turn back after reaching the wharf they dive from in the summer, and taekwoon thinks that the campfire looks much lonelier and colder from a distance. he can just make out hongbin straddling the log and wonsik passing him a can of beer against the light of the fire, and as there’s a cold sting in his stomach, he realizes he almost forgot about hongbin for a moment, in the midst of sanghyuk wishing he brought extra socks and jaehwan taking drags from taekwoon’s cigarette.

“are they dating or something?,” sanghyuk hisses before they get too close, popping his head back to look at taekwoon over jaehwan’s shoulders.

“aren’t you the one who sees them literally every day?,” jaehwan jabs sanghyuk in the waist with a laugh as taekwoon shrugs at the question.

“i dunno,” sanghyuk raises his eyebrows and brings his cigarette up to his lips. “hongbin talks about taekwoon hyung a lot, so i was just, you know, asking.”

taekwoon forces the stirring in his chest down and purses his lips, shaking his head as they approach the other two and sinking down in one of the old sunbeds.

“probably,” he adds with a glance back at sanghyuk, who plops down behind hongbin on the log after picking up an unopened can of beer.

sanghyuk shoots hongbin and wonsik a quick eye, then looks back at taekwoon with pursed lips and nodding to himself as if to say “yeah, maybe”. he throws a can over to taekwoon, who catches it before he even registers it being in the air; his head too preoccupied with how wonsik linked his and hongbin’s fingers together by his side as they shared a cigarette.

the steady cold in taekwoon’s stomach eventually has him numb to the feeling, and when he’s walking home alone in the slight drizzle that started around 3 am, he tells himself his hands aren’t cold without hongbin to hold them.

_______________

“by the way, about that time at your place,” hongbin tilts his head as he speaks, quietly; the two of them cowering from the cold rain in a bus stop. “i kinda realized i never apologized.”

he’s saying it in the tone taekwoon knows he uses when he’s embarrassed about something and is afraid someone is going to be upset with him; the same tone he’s been using since they were twelve when they stole fruit together from the grocery store down the street from their school and their parents yelled at them.

“you don’t have to apologize,” taekwoon says softly, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets and tucks his chin into the collar of his jacket. “it’s fine.”

hongbin stays quiet for a bit, shifting his footing a little and, taekwoon hears, playing with the lighter in his pocket. the muffled sound dies out after a while before hongbin lights the cigarette he kept between his fingers for the past 10-or-so minutes, and taekwoon is left watching hongbin pick at his cuticles while the rain smatters on unforgivingly against the plastic roof above them.

the confession grows in taekwoon’s mouth, more bitter than ever and feeding the freezing cold lump in his stomach; the two expanding until taekwoon feels like his chest is going to burst. hongbin exhales a plume of smoke and lets his head drop back against the wall with a gentle thud.

“i don’t wanna be weird with you, you know,” he says after some excruciating seconds of silence between them, glancing at taekwoon who watches him with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “that was a while ago but.. yeah.”

he smiles a little at that, and taekwoon smiles back. they’re not going to be weird.

when hongbin’s phone rings and hongbin picks it up with a forced “hey babe” followed by a chuckle, taekwoon tucks the confession away as far back in his mind as he can, along with the persistent memories of hongbin giggling against taekwoon’s lips and his warm back against taekwoon’s chest. hongbin’s signaling for taekwoon to follow him, to go meet up with wonsik, and taekwoon takes a slow, steady breath.

-- taekwoon really doesn’t have time, for the water sipping through the padding of his shoes and in further to soak his socks; he casts a hurried glance down at his feet as he walks and imagines how nice it’d feel with a steaming hot bath. kicking his left foot aimlessly to the side between his next two steps, he tells himself it rids him of some of the discomfort. the hurry he’s in is vaguely unreal and made up, there’s still a while until his bus leaves, but taekwoon is longing for his goal and he checks his phone every 40 seconds in hopes to find new messages from hongbin. it’s been 20 minutes since the latest one.

the screen is cold to the touch, and new, microscopic stains of rain water appear on it every time taekwoon swipes his thumb up or down, the pads of his fingers leaving new marks with every tap to the surface.

for a while, when he’s seated by a window and resting his aching head against it, he forgets where he’s going. the engine murmurs below him and the seat vibrates; his eyes fall shut and he sucks in one slow breath after the other, smelling flowers and spring and other people soaked with rain. he’s tired and wishes he’d slept more, that there had been more time for him to sleep, but then hongbin resurfaces in his mind and he gets lost in a slow trail of thoughts of the other’s apartment; the plain, spacious bedroom and the cluttered living room table and the warm kitchen floor.

the bus takes a sharp turn left - a reminder to taekwoon that there are only a few stops left, just a handful, few enough for him to force his eyes open and keep them on the side of the road, the trees they’re rushing past and the ditches and side streets. he feels as if his heart had stopped for those minutes his eyes were closed, and just sprung back to life, eager to keep him alive and to spread familiar warmth in his chest. taekwoon kept it to himself how itchy his fingers grew when he thought about how close hongbin was, wrists feeling wrong and off but his stomach fluttering and his teeth tugging on his lips as if on their own accord.

the stairways smell like detergent and dirt, the carpet by the door soggy with rain and what used to be dust, but hongbin’s apartment hints of lemon tea and that elderflower incense, the one jaehwan got him in japan and that hongbin had gone out of his way to find for himself ever since. it’s been two years, maybe three; taekwoon can’t remember if it was spring or autumn rain back then.

“you’re early,” hongbin chimes from the couch, glancing up from his book when taekwoon has managed to toe his wet running shoes off.

“i couldn’t sleep,” taekwoon explains quietly. “my room was cold.”

“nightmares?”

taekwoon shrugs, pauses for a second in the middle of the room, unsure if hongbin minds.

“i’m glad you’re here early, don’t worry about it,” hongbin’s voice is soft and forgiving, as if he could read taekwoon’s mind. it wouldn’t surprise taekwoon much if that was exactly what he did. “there’s tea, if you want. you look cold.”

taekwoon shrugs again, chews on his lip, but he is cold. the tea warms him up soon enough, and hongbin abandons his book to go fetch a blanket from his bed; tucking his body in next to taekwoon’s on the couch and pulling it over them.

“i’ve been working all night,” hongbin yawns, leaning his head against taekwoon’s shoulder.

he already told taekwoon that, but taekwoon chalks it down to sleepiness and searches for hongbin’s hand under the thin blanket, whispering an apology when he pokes at the other’s skin with a nail, and keeps his eyes running over the leaves of the small yucca plant in the window. they look sickly in the dimmed lights, swaying a little when a breeze makes its way through the upper windows left ajar.

“what time is it,” hongbin mumbles when taekwoon sets his empty cup down on the table, curling closer and pushing his hand holding taekwoon’s over to halfheartedly wrap his forearm over taekwoon’s stomach.

“last time i checked it was eleven,” taekwoon sniffs hongbin’s hair, the motions of hongbin’s arm pushing his shirt up an inch on his stomach. “i have no idea, really.”

“do you wanna go to sleep?,” hongbin murmurs next, all but attempting to merge with taekwoon’s body; and taekwoon doesn’t mind, because hongbin is warm. “i haven’t slept in two days,” he adds.

when hongbin dozes off in taekwoon’s arms later, it’s 1 pm and the thunder is just getting started. the summers back before they turned twenty simmer in taekwoon’s head, the days they would spend together, not sleeping; when hongbin would end up giggling and hanging onto taekwoon’s shoulder as they forgot what was funny in the first place; when they’d lie in the grass and describe in what ways their limbs felt out of place and foreign, how the hallucinations in the corners of their sight would grow darker and more real. hongbin would be the one with nightmares when they finally slept, whining between his heavy breathing and clawing at taekwoon’s arms, and when they got up the next morning, taekwoon kept quiet about the scratches. they didn’t bother him.

hongbin was in love with jaehwan back then; in love with his laughter and his sand blonde hair and his driver’s license and with going to the beach with him at night, nights he didn't spend with taekwoon.

“you’re not sleeping,” hongbin notes one time when he stirs awake by taekwoon’s side, startled by a noise outside or the washing machine beeping in the other room, taekwoon wasn’t sure. “i thought you were tired.”

“i am,” taekwoon reassures him, thinking briefly about the sleeping pills he got prescribed the other week but had yet to open the box of.

he smoothes hongbin’s hair down with a slow stroke of his hand, tucking a stray strand in behind his cold ear.

“wanna talk about it?”

hongbin’s body stiffens a little when he crawls a few inches further up on the bed to nuzzle his face into taekwoon’s neck, his own neck resting against taekwoon’s shoulder; the skin is warm and clammy and taekwoon admits to himself that it was a feeling he’d been wanting for days.

“maybe later.”

with that, hongbin seems content enough, and he tangles his legs in between taekwoon’s before his body grows heavier again.

“excuse me..”

hakyeon looks to his left at the person next to him in line, the other’s gaze uncertain as it falls on him and their shoulders pulled up.

“yeah?”

“what, um.. what would you recommend getting?,” the other asks, looking up at the shops drink menu above the counter and then back at hakyeon.

“recommend?,” hakyeon echoes and smiles with a raise of his eyebrows.

“yeah, i’ve never, um. i’ve never been here before.”

“depends,” hakyeon hums, fully turning to the other and taking a step backwards when the line moves forward. “what do you want? something to smack you back to reality, something so sweet your mouth turns to jelly, something bitter, something in-between all that..?”

“uh,” the other deadpans, taking an unsure step towards hakyeon and staring at him blankly for a couple of seconds. “what are you having?”

“ah, i didn’t really decide yet, but.. an iced double shot strawberry latte, probably.”

“double what?”

“double shot? espresso?,” hakyeon takes another step in time with the line moving and tilts his head at the other as he eyes him from head to toe. he’s wearing nikes, plain jeans and a gray hoodie, with the hood pulled up and half his face hidden by a messy mop of brownish red hair, and the only thing hakyeon can really try and read something from in his face is how puffy his eyes look. “you look like you need a double shot too, a cappuccino maybe.”

“cappuccino,” the other repeats. “i thought you meant like, a gun or something.”

“double shot. maybe some sugar with that,” hakyeon purses his lips after finishing the sentence, watching as a content look settles on the other’s face. “but that’s just my guess.”

“i’ll get it,” the other declares, nodding once and straightening his back a little.

cute, hakyeon thinks to himself.

“i hope you like it,” hakyeon says to the other as he passes him after getting his own drink.

“i will,” the other smiles back at him, eyes a little uncertain but mouth wide.

hakyeon has almost forgotten about the encounter by the next time he sees the other, but the pulled up shoulders and the same gray hoodie catches his eye and before he knows it he’s sinking down next to him on a bench outside the city mall with a “hey”.

“the-- the cappuccino,” the other starts, eyes wide with recognition and a small smile growing on his face. “it was really good.”

“i was just about to ask,” hakyeon smiles back, fiddling with his phone in his pocket. “i’m glad.”

“i’m, i’m sanghyuk by the way,” the other announces, gaze flickering between hakyeon’s face, hands, and the ground. “thank you.”

“don’t worry about it,” hakyeon’s face heats up a little at the obvious shyness of the other, but he pushes any thoughts of it aside. “i’m hakyeon.”

“you work down at the museum, don’t you? i saw you down there the other day.”

“yeah,” hakyeon tilts his head. “i do, sometimes. it’s only part-time.”

“hm.”

hakyeon only notices the ice cream cone in sanghyuk’s hand after he spots a melting drop of ice cream slowly running down from the corner of sanghyuk’s mouth.

“you’ve got ice cream,” he points out with his index finger in the air. “right there.”

“oh,” sanghyuk grows pink and licks it away in one try. “want some?”

hakyeon freezes up a little, parting his lips but staying quiet for a moment before he asks, “ice cream?”

“yeah, as thanks,” sanghyuk shrugs. “for helping me the other day.”

he reaches the cone up to hakyeon with a smile, the hood of his shirt falling back soundlessly to pool around his neck and shoulders. hakyeon hesitates for another moment before leaning in and taking a small bite of the ice cream, licking his lips and feeling his face heat up.

“you’re weird,” he says quietly. “but thank you.”

sanghyuk licks at the ice cream once, twice, looking like he’s deep in thought before he speaks up again.

“would you believe me if i said i’m an alien and i have no idea what i’m doing?”

hakyeon blinks in confusion.

“not really.”

sanghyuk grins, “thought so.”

whether sanghyuk is an alien or not - hakyeon wouldn’t know how to tell - hakyeon sits patiently as the other asks questions, questions that seem to pour from a never ending source and that are at times so ridiculous hakyeon can’t help but tilt his head in wonder and watch the curious glint in sanghyuk’s eyes.

(“what were those two at the bus stop doing?”

“the couple?”

sanghyuk nods, “yeah.”

“saying goodbye, kissing.. i wasn’t really paying attention, sorry.”

“are you gonna kiss me when we say goodbye?,” sanghyuk steps on the outside of his feet with his eyes on the ground in front of him, his shoulder bumping against hakyeon now and then, when he loses his balance. one part of hakyeon is happy that sanghyuk doesn’t have a chance to catch him startle at the question, and one part is just the slightest disappointed.

“do you want me to?”

“i’m guessing it’s something nice,” sanghyuk says with a tone hakyeon recognizes, that one you get when there’s a spark of interest in the back of your head. “so if you don’t mind..”

they’re quiet for a few more meters, sanghyuk waiting patiently for hakyeon to reply and hakyeon fiddling with a coin he found in the bottom of his pocket, dragging his nail over the ribbed edges.

“hey-- hey it’s me, wonsik, i just.. i don’t know, i’m outside and it’s raining and.. i dunno i don’t, can’t remember where i am right now.. anyway.

anyway, i thought of calling you earlier, but i forgot.. maybe i should have since you’re not picking up now, haha, um. i can’t remember where you are right now, or where i think you are? i hope you’re warm, i hope you’re.. i hope you’re having a nice time. i’ll call you later, or tomorrow, i don’t know, uh.. shit, i missed another bus.. i’ll call you, okay.”

/ //

“it’s me, hi, i know i never called you back, i forgot, sorry-- i hope you’re okay. i missed your text earlier, i was running late for work. i saw your pictures from yesterday, the mountains look really nice-- i know i already said this, but if i can i’d love to come with you next year. it’s quiet here, like, aside from the city and all that, there’s no you, and i only listen to music with my headphones on..

call me? later tonight, maybe in the morning if you’re up, i.. i miss you a lot.”

/ //

“--sik-- you know what, fuck you and your stupid voice mail, idiot..

sorry, i-- sorry, haha, i keep forgetting you actually never changed that. and what’re you doing telling me to call you in the morning and not picking up when i do.. i miss your voice, it sounds so weird over the phone, i-- i guess it still would have if you’d picked up, but.. anyway, call me later if you want? hopefully i’ll have some reception over here. by the way, i miss your food so much, i’ve no idea why, haha. i was thinking about that weird vanilla french toast you make when i had breakfast, and i miss it so bad.. i don’t remember what time i get back, but maybe you could make me some when i come home.. i keep getting off track but, yeah, call me. i miss you so much.”

/ //

“..shit, i was gonna sing you something, but-- i got off track, haha.

it’s ‘later’ now, i guess, but you’re not picking up.. we’re still basically in the same time zone, right? or i think we should be.. but your reception is-- right, whatever. i was gonna ask you to listen to this with your headphones on while i sang this thing but, it’s whatever, i’ll.. i’ll sing it to you when you get back here, okay?

i keep feeling like, like i’m talking to a wall, but i know i’m not, you’re gonna listen to this.. whenever.. if it this friday you’re coming back, or saturday? i’m getting this all mixed up, wait..

jaehwan asked me to tell you that you can, quote, suck his dick. by the way. something about his favorite sweater or something, that you brought it with you maybe, i dunno, i wasn’t listening, really.

call me? please call me, i was showering last time, i promise i won’t until you call again, haha. i love you.”

/ //

“--ing voice mail, shit, how many times am i gonna--“

“hakyeon?”

“..wonsik?”

“yeah, i’m.. i’m here.”

wonsik reaches for his headphones but changes his mind, sits back against the headboard and pulls his knees up to his chest as he presses his phone closer to his ear.

“you’re there.”

4:33 am

sanghyuk reaches his hand out, thinking he’s going to collide with taekwoon’s body, latch onto him and pull himself closer, but the spot next to him is empty. cold. he exhales, smacks his mouth to himself and scrunches his nose up at the thick feeling, and turns his head on the pillow. taekwoon’s spot is indeed empty, blanket pushed together into a long lump next to sanghyuk.

“hyung,” sanghyuk mutters, mostly to himself, mostly to check if his voice will bear. it barely does.

he shuts his eyes again and shifts a little to curl up on his side, thinking about how dimly lit the room had been and if the glass on taekwoon’s nightstand had been filled or empty. when his body settles in the sheets, it becomes quiet enough for him to hear the scribbling noises across the room, and he singles out a sigh coming from taekwoon. another minute passes and sanghyuk is too tired to get up, wants to be lulled back to sleep by the sounds of taekwoon working, but he’s curious, curious and in dire need of a warm body to curl up against.

“what are you doing,” he mumbles a little louder this time, forcing his head up from his pillow and just about catching a glimpse of taekwoon’s figure sitting on the edge of their loft before he lets his head drop back down.

“waiting,” taekwoon says softly in response, and the gentle tone of his voice stirs in sanghyuk’s chest, makes the ache for him to hold the older tingle all the way out in his fingers.

“is it gonna take long, hyung,” sanghyuk mumbles next, wrapping the comforter tighter around him as he wriggles where he lies, attempting to crawl closer to the foot end.

“maybe,” taekwoon replies, and while sanghyuk isn’t watching, he can hear that he’s turned to sanghyuk’s direction. “you can go back to sleep if you want.”

“nmmh,” sanghyuk sighs.

reaching the foot end, sanghyuk pushes up to sit on his knees as he rubs at one of his eyes, pulling in a deep breath of chilly morning air. taekwoon is hunched over his lap when sanghyuk opens his eyes, thin t-shirt revealing the little bumps of his spine and shoulder blades, and messy black hair sticking up in a tuft right above his neck. sanghyuk sets his naked feet down on the floor and drags the comforter with him as he scoots closer to taekwoon, careful not to knock his watercolors or glasses of dirty water over.

resting his forehead against taekwoon’s back, sanghyuk mumbles again. “what’re you waiting for, hyung.”

he feels the other straighten up a little, pausing when he notices sanghyuk leaning on him.

“sunrise,” he says quietly, one of his hands coming up to stroke sanghyuk’s hair.

“hm,” sanghyuk raises his head a little with the feeling, letting taekwoon run his fingers though sanghyuk’s hair and pull his head back a bit.

“do you want to sit here with me? i’ll be back in bed in a moment.”

“sit here,” sanghyuk tilts his head with taekwoon’s hand.

“just don’t push me down the stairs,” taekwoon whispers.

sanghyuk looks up at him with a tired smile, noting taekwoon’s puffy eye bags and the little crinkles on his cheeks from sheets and pillows. they lean in for a short kiss, sanghyuk shutting his eyes and melting into it for the few seconds it lasts before taekwoon pulls back.

“i’ll try not to.”

the wooden railing next to taekwoon is hard and sanghyuk low key wishes he would have brought a pillow from the bed, but he gets over the discomfort of the wood pressing into the back of his head eventually. pulling his knees up to his chest, he wraps the comforter around himself again and watches under heavy eyelids while taekwoon paints, hunching further and further over until he’s back in the position he was in when sanghyuk first woke up. there’s a smudge of paint on his forehead - light blue - and sanghyuk wonders for a minute how it got there, until taekwoon reaches up to push his hair out of his face. the smudge grows bigger and a streak of yellow orange joins the blue.

“you need to wash your face,” sanghyuk points out quietly.

“yeah,” taekwoon exhales, looking back at sanghyuk with pursed lips before he reaches out to pick up another brush from the floor.

sanghyuk glances to his right, between the wood bars and out over the rest of the apartment. everything is covered in a warm light, still soft and barely there, but sanghyuk gazes out the kitchen windows to see the sun creeping above the horizon, blurring treetops and the roofs of neighbor buildings. moments later, the sun hits sanghyuk’s face, and he shuts his eyes with a sigh and keeps his face resting between two of the railing bars while he allows the rays to warm up his skin.

10:02 am

sanghyuk stretches his legs out and clutches the pillow in his arms tighter, burrowing his face in it as he tries to locate his surroundings. he’s back in bed, he establishes when he curls his toes into the sheets, and when he rolls over on his side, he realizes that taekwoon is too. it’s grown too warm for blankets, he notices, and he lets go of the pillow to rub at his eyes while he kicks the clammy blanket off his body.

“hyung,” he mumbles, peering over at the other buried in pillows. the t-shirt has been discarded and sanghyuk thinks he can see it bunched up on the floor when he glances down at taekwoon’s feet.

a croaked “yeah?” comes from taekwoon’s direction, and sanghyuk stifles a giggle and pushes one of his legs in between taekwoon’s.

“hi,” sanghyuk whispers after lifting a pillow covering taekwoon’s face, the other cracking an eye open with a curious look.

in reply, taekwoon only winds his arm around sanghyuk’s waist and pulls him close, letting sanghyuk nuzzle into his neck as he combs his fingers through sanghyuk’s hair and takes a deep, slow breath. taekwoon’s body is warm but not too much, sanghyuk prefers it to being tangled up in smothering sheets, and he presses a few lazy kisses to what he can reach of taekwoon’s neck and shoulder, earning a ticklish squirm from the older.

“do you wanna get up?,” sanghyuk asks into taekwoon’s hair.

hakyeon loves his thighs (loves) and jaehwan doesn’t at all mind the attention hakyeon pays to them, kissing and nipping at them while jaehwan goes from squirmy and ticklish to squirmy and turned on, hands in hakyeon’s hair and toes curling and uncurling into the sheets.

“you’re so noisy,” hakyeon chuckles, biting his bottom lip when he climbs back up to face jaehwan, hands roaming the insides of his thighs and coming to a stop right below where they meet his hips, fingertips squeezing at him a little and having jaehwan’s breath hitch.

“and you’re a tease,” jaehwan exhales, corners of his mouth threatening to curl up in a smile for a second before hakyeon interrupts him with grinding their hips together.

“how can i not be?,” he asks softly, pressing his lips against jaehwan’s in little kisses as he hitches one of jaehwan’s legs up a little.

if jaehwan had any track of time earlier, he’d lost it now - somewhere in between hakyeon kissing his stomach and working his fingers into him so slowly jaehwan forgot to breathe. hakyeon fucks him slow too, set on his knees below jaehwan and stroking his thighs where they hook over hakyeon’s own, fingers digging into his skin and having jaehwan whine and tug at the sheets.

“hyung--,” jaehwan frowns and cuts himself off with one of hakyeon’s thrusts, arching his back off the mattress and whining in the back of his throat.

“sorry,” hakyeon smiles slyly and jaehwan can’t help himself, pushes up to lean on one hand as he wraps the other around the back of hakyeon’s neck to pull him down enough so he can crash their mouths together.

it’s a bit cute how hakyeon’s moans sound lighter than jaehwan’s when they break apart for a second, but that’s the last thing on jaehwan’s mind when hakyeon squeezes his thighs harder with the next thrust, smiling against jaehwan’s lips.

_

“that tickles,” jaehwan whispers barely audibly into taekwoon’s hair, curling his fingers into the back of the other’s t-shirt.

“i know,” taekwoon replies just as quietly, amused tone just barely evident in his voice before he nips at jaehwan’s earlobe again.

he slides his left hand into jaehwan’s opened jeans just as he nibbles gently on a spot right below jaehwan’s ear, and jaehwan keens, bucks his hips forward into taekwoon’s touch and pulls at the fabric in his hands. the room is so badly lit jaehwan can barely catch a glimpse of the content little smile on taekwoon’s face when he pulls back to switch sides, but the little he sees is enough for his face to heat up all over again and his stomach to flip.

“you’re cute,” taekwoon whispers, right next to his ear, and he reaches up with his other hand to tug jaehwan’s briefs out of the way so he can wrap his fingers around him.

jaehwan can only gasp in response, bury his face in taekwoon’s shoulder and press closer as the other starts stroking him experimentally, shifting his body pressed to jaehwan’s to make room between them. it’s the little nips and kisses to his ears that has jaehwan’s head spinning, feeling taekwoon’s breath on his neck as his hand works on jaehwan’s dick, and if it weren’t for how they were stuffed into a bathroom stall after a concert jaehwan wouldn’t have spent all this focus on trying to keep it down.

he feels taekwoon’s erection press against his thigh when he bucks his hips forward and the noise it triggers from taekwoon is so soft and small, an exhaled moan right into jaehwan’s ear, and he presses forward both to hear it again and to try to get more friction from taekwoon’s hand. fingers tighten around him and taekwoon muffles his next moan with kissing jaehwan’s jaw, rutting absently against his thigh.

jaehwan reaches up to wrap an arm around taekwoon’s neck when he gets close, mouth pressed against taekwoon’s neck and hips rolling up to meet each stroke of taekwoon’s hand, and only when he’s gasping and whining does taekwoon’s lips leave his ears in favor of kissing the noises out of him.

_

wonsik’s chest presses against jaehwan’s back, keeps him slumped over and down against the mattress while wonsik grinds his hips into jaehwan’s ass, his mouth spilling the smallest noises where it’s pressed against jaehwan’s neck. jaehwan feels too warm for this, his t-shirt clinging to his skin and the sheets clammy in his hands, and his chest heaves with each breath he manages to pull in, wonsik coaxing gasp after gasp from him with each roll of his hips.

“i’m gonna die,” jaehwan chuckles when wonsik kisses his neck, leaning up a little and putting some space between their bodies.

“me too,” wonsik smiles, giving jaehwan a quick kiss on the lips before he sits up on his knees, pushing jaehwan’s t-shirt up a little and sliding his hands down to jaehwan’s ass, squeezing at the cheeks through his briefs.

“you’re so slow,” jaehwan whines when wonsik grinds his hips against him again, holding him by the hips to keep him up when jaehwan arches his back and buries his face in the sheets. “at least get those off..”

wonsik only hums in reply and climbs backwards on his knees, leaning down and pressing open mouthed kisses to jaehwan’s back as he hooks his fingers in the elastics of jaehwan’s briefs to tug them down to his thighs. jaehwan can only shut his eyes and try to keep his noises in while wonsik spreads his hands over his ass and squeezes it again, having jaehwan whine and curl his toes as shivers of pleasure shoot up along his back and down through his thighs.

“your butt is so cute,” wonsik mumbles with an amused tone, coming back up to kiss the top of jaehwan’s spine and grind his erection against jaehwan’s ass again, the friction of wonsik’s briefs making jaehwan frown and reach up to grab a hold of wonsik’s hair.

“if you think i’m so cute why don’t you fuck me?,” he turns his head back to ask, smile playing faintly on his lips when his gaze meets wonsik’s.

“fine,” wonsik whispers with a roll of his eyes so forced jaehwan has to laugh, tugging the other in closer to kiss him just as wonsik gives his ass another squeeze.

_

hongbin’s hair slips between his fingers when he tries to tug his head up, too dizzy from arousal to really make out if it’s because hongbin’s hair is too silky or if it’s because his grip wasn’t hard enough. below him, hongbin chuckles, mouth hot and wet as he presses sloppy kisses right above his hipbones and up towards his ribs, tongue lapping as his skin and the tip of hongbin’s nose nuzzling against him.

jaehwan is also a little too dizzy from arousal to be annoyed that he’s been teased for what feels like ages, so he revels in how slowly hongbin’s fingers stretch him as he kisses his stomach, two digits scissoring and twisting until he’s so out of it he can’t feel anything but them.

“mm, i love you,” hongbin mumbles with a smile when he tears his attention from jaehwan’s skin for a second, moving up and nosing at his jaw, pressing kisses to his cheeks.

“i-- fuck--,” hongbin pushes a third finger in, cold and slick and going deep. “i love you too,” jaehwan sighs and turns his head a little to kiss the corner of hongbin’s mouth, fingers tightening a little in his hair. hongbin smiles and kisses him in response.

the younger goes down again and presses another dozen or so kisses to jaehwan’s stomach - teeth nipping just a little right below his belly button and having him whine, his fingers tugging at hongbin’s hair again and urging him to go lower, but hongbin just chuckles, shifting on his knees and twisting his wrist to push his fingers in from another angle. jaehwan curses under his breath and lifts his hips off the mattress with a whine, hongbin soothing him with a broad lick between his ribs and a couple of kisses to his chest.

“you should come like this, you look amazing,” he says with a bite of his lips, catching jaehwan’s glance for a second before he ducks his head down again.

“at least fucking blow me,” jaehwan exhales - gasps - and digs his fingertips into hongbin’s shoulder, squirming with how hot his mouth is as it leaves a trail of kisses down back to his hips. hongbin giggles.

“i’ll think about it.”

_

sanghyuk’s teeth pull a little at his bottom lip before their mouths meet again, jaehwan letting sanghyuk swallow down every noise he makes as he fucks him, one of his arms hooked under jaehwan’s knee and the other wrapped around the back of his neck. sanghyuk is messy but thorough, pushing in deep and having jaehwan roll his head back in pleasure, eyebrows knit together and mouth hanging open as he gasps.

“wait,” sanghyuk mumbles, lips teasingly catching onto jaehwan’s bottom one for a moment before he pulls back a little, untangling his arms from jaehwan’s body and sitting back on his heels.

jaehwan squirms a little when hands slide up the insides of his thighs, one of them wrapping around his cock as the other slides further up on his chest. while sanghyuk starts up a slower pace, stroking jaehwan carefully in time with it, he reaches his other hand up to jaehwan’s face, holding his chin and leaning in for a quick kiss.

“faster,” jaehwan mumbles against his lips, sanghyuk humming in reply and snapping his hips forward, picking up his pace a little and chewing on his bottom lip as he watches jaehwan shut his eyes and stifle a moan.

when sanghyuk pushes two of his fingers past jaehwan’s lips, only the tips at first, jaehwan gives him a short glance before running his tongue over them and wrapping his lips around them with a muffled noise as sanghyuk thrusts into him. sliding his fingers into jaehwan’s mouth to just above the knuckle, sanghyuk curls them a little and smiles gingerly at him, tilting jaehwan’s head back just a bit with his fingers in his mouth as he keeps fucking him. jaehwan can’t help the moans bubbling up in his throat with how filled up he feels, or how he whimpers and squirms with every time sanghyuk tightens his fingers around the head of his dick, and sanghyuk just smiles slyly, leaning in a little and pressing a tiny kiss to the corner of jaehwan’s mouth.

“hyukkie, wake up.”

sanghyuk twists and turns between his sheets, the gentle voice disturbing him just when he was about to fall back asleep. it goes quiet for a moment, but a few seconds later the voice is back, soft and cooing and accompanied by a warm hand sliding in under the blanket and taking a careful hold of his shoulder.

“we need to get going soon. there’s coffee in the kitchen if you want some.”

hakyeon’s weight makes the mattress shift a little and sanghyuk reluctantly rolls over on his side and peers up at him, the room bright and making him squint.

“can’t you bring it to bed, at least,” he mumbles and rubs at his eye, letting his hand fall down to rest on hakyeon’s thigh as he attempts to look up at him again.

“you’d just knock it over,” hakyeon hums, sliding his hand down sanghyuk’s bicep with a smile.

he looks fresh as spring sun, face clear and hair pushed to the side, his neck disappearing into the neck lining of his gray hoodie.

“would not,” sanghyuk retorts with a smile, deciding to finally try to sit up in bed.

“you’re not fooling anyone,” hakyeon grins and ruffles his hair.

sanghyuk grumbles something intelligible in reply and leans up to press his lips against hakyeon’s jaw, nuzzling into his hair and pulling in breaths of hakyeon’s scent while hakyeon puts one hand down between them on the mattress and leans into sanghyuk’s body.

“you know you can’t bribe me into letting you stay in bed,” hakyeon whispers when sanghyuk pulls back for a second, eyes bright and smiling at him.

“i’m getting up,” sanghyuk replies quietly, pausing when hakyeon moves in to give him a short kiss on the lips. “soon,” he adds with a small smile, wrapping a hand around the back of hakyeon’s neck and pulling him in for another.

/

in the car home from a radio show after their first win of this comeback, taekwoon has climbed to the very back of the car and sits between sanghyuk and the window, elbow resting on the inside of the car door and his head leaned against the window surface. sanghyuk has almost dozed off on his shoulder, the other’s body heat both a comfort from the february chills and a nice source of warmth to nuzzle up against.

a quiet “it’s snowing” from taekwoon has sanghyuk look up and out the window, watching as big snowflakes sail towards the ground outside the car.

“weird,” he mumbles and straightens up a little, glancing around the car to find the other members fast asleep in their seats.

“yeah,” taekwoon agrees.

they watch the snow together for a minute, sanghyuk leaning closer to the window when they stop at a red light for a moment. it’s taekwoon that turns his head first, the tip of his nose tickling at sanghyuk’s cheek before he turns as well and meets his eyes, visibly tired (and still a little puffy from crying hours earlier, but sanghyuk won’t mention that).

“are the others sleeping,” taekwoon asks quietly, pursing his lips and not tearing his eyes away from sanghyuk’s.

“yep,” sanghyuk smiles.

his hand reaches up to cup taekwoon’s face by habit when the other kisses him, despite the awkward angle and how unsteady they are in their seats when the car turns around a corner. it’s over fast and he can just about make out the darker shade on the other’s face when they go back to watching the snow, but the warmth stays on his lips until they’re well back home and he has time to kiss taekwoon again.

/

“take another one, that looked bad.”

jaehwan squirms where he’s lying next to sanghyuk on the futon, leaning his chin in his palms as he makes a discontent face at the front faced camera on sanghyuk’s phone.

“can you hold it a bit higher?”

“why should i?,” sanghyuk grins and looks at the other, snapping a picture as he does and catching jaehwan’s frown.

“i look cuter,” jaehwan explains with a smile and a raise of his eyebrows, as if it was something sanghyuk ought to know already.

“sure, whatever,” sanghyuk rolls his eyes and looks back at the phone as he snaps another couple of pictures, raising it up a bit higher and earning a kiss on the cheek from jaehwan as thanks.

“it turned out blurry,” sanghyuk says with a pout when he flips through the gallery, pausing on a shaky picture where he can barely make out jaehwan pressing his lips to his cheek.

jaehwan only hums in reply and leans back into sanghyuk’s shoulder, pressing a few short kisses to sanghyuk’s jaw and moving up to his cheek. sanghyuk giggles under his breath and tries not to squirm despite how much it tickles, and he backs out of the gallery to camera mode just as jaehwan’s lips reach the corner of sanghyuk’s mouth. after taking a picture, sanghyuk turns his head a little to meet jaehwan’s lips, the two of them struggling to keep their laughter in.

“do you have to take pictures?,” jaehwan asks against sanghyuk’s mouth between kisses, and sanghyuk shrugs before he puts the phone down to wrap a hand around the back of jaehwan’s neck, parting his lips and deepening the kiss.

“you look good when you kiss,” he admits after they break apart in favor of jaehwan pushing sanghyuk over on his back and straddling him.

“really?,” jaehwan chuckles and nips playfully at sanghyuk’s bottom lip.

“yeah,” sanghyuk mumbles with a tiny smile. “you have no idea.”

/

it’s 3 am when sanghyuk gets out of bed for water and notices wonsik still on the couch with his laptop, his hood pulled up and his shoulders hunched where he sits cross-legged and types quietly.

“are you going to bed soon?,” he asks tiredly as he pads over to the couch to sit down next to the other, nuzzling into his side and hooking their arms together.

“yeah..,” wonsik mumbles, reaching up and rubbing at his eye with the heel of his hand. “yeah, soon.”

“now?,” sanghyuk tries, wrapping his hand around wonsik’s wrist and stroking the skin with his thumb.

wonsik hums quietly, only tearing his eyes away from the screen when sanghyuk tugs a little at his hoodie.

“hm?”

“you can sleep with me if you want,” sanghyuk suggests with a yawn, leaning his head heavier on wonsik’s shoulder and shutting his eyes, thinking about going back to bed and the two of them wrapping up in his still warm blankets.

“you always elbow me in your sleep,” wonsik chuckles, carefully untangling himself from sanghyuk to he close his laptop and lean over to put it on the table.

“i promise i won’t now,” sanghyuk pouts. “or, i’ll try not to, at least.”

wonsik is still smiling as he stretches his back a little where he’s sitting, folding his legs back out and scratching his thigh.

“i’ll be there in a minute,” he promises with a quick kiss to sanghyuk’s cheek, and sanghyuk laughs sleepily in response, grabbing wonsik by the wrist when he’s getting up from the couch to coax him down for another.

“promise,” he smiles as he presses kisses to wonsik’s cheeks, having climbed up to stand on his knees on the couch to reach up properly.

“as long as there’s room for me,” wonsik reassures him with a ruffle of his hair, giving him another chaste kiss on the lips before he’s off to the bathroom.

/

“wanna save time?,” hongbin pops his head into the shower with his toothbrush hanging from his mouth. “i need to leave soon.”

“only if you scrub my back,” sanghyuk grins with a glance at the older, massaging shampoo into his hair where he’s leaning against the tiled wall.

“deal,” hongbin smiles - somehow without drooling toothpaste onto the floor - and his head disappears for a few seconds.

sanghyuk barely has time to rinse his hair out properly before hongbin steps into the shower with him, carefully pressing against sanghyuk’s back as he reaches for the shower gel.

“what are you in such a hurry for?,” sanghyuk asks and looks back at the other leaning his chin on sanghyuk’s shoulder, eyes shut as the water runs through his hair.

“that magazine shoot,” hongbin mumbles and tilts his head, pulling back from sanghyuk when he hears him pop the bottle cap open. “i overslept a little.”

humming in reply, sanghyuk turns and motions for hongbin to turn around as well, slowly rubbing shower gel over his shoulders and back. hongbin groans in the back of his throat and rolls his head forward, having sanghyuk chuckle to himself and give hongbin’s shoulders an extra squeeze.

“did anyone make coffee yet?,” sanghyuk asks when he moves on to shampooing hongbin’s hair.

“yeah, or wonsik hyung was about to when i went in here, so..,” hongbin ends the sentence with a sigh, leaning his head back into sanghyuk’s hands. “god, i wanna go back to bed..”

“you can when you get home,” sanghyuk mumbles quietly, rubbing his thumb down the back of hongbin’s neck.

“i know,” hongbin sighs again and lets sanghyuk coax him backwards a little, back in under the shower spray to rinse his hair.

“you can go if you’re in a hurry,” sanghyuk says as he pulls his fingers through hongbin’s fringe. “just scrub my back next time.”

hongbin squints a little as he looks up at sanghyuk, wiping water out of his face with a still sleepy smile.

“thank you,” he leans up a little, standing on his toes, and presses a wet kiss to sanghyuk’s mouth, still smiling when he pulls back a little.

“we should get up..”

“you think?”

jaehwan’s question is left hanging as wonsik laughs tiredly and nuzzles his face back into jaehwan’s neck, wrapping his arms back around his torso. the last time they checked the time - or rather, when wonsik casted a quick glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand - it was 9:46, and he doesn’t have a single guess on what it could be now.

“i want coffee though,” wonsik manages in between slow breaths, mouth moving lazily against jaehwan’s skin as he tilts his head up a little.

“mm, i know,” jaehwan whispers, pushing at wonsik’s frame gently and rolling them over. “me too.”

“shouldn’t we get up then,” wonsik asks before jaehwan’s mouth finds its way to wonsik’s neck, pressing distracting little kisses down the column of his throat and out towards his shoulder. there’s a noise of amusement, a stifled laugh, in jaehwan’s breaths, and wonsik shuts his eyes and buries his nose in jaehwan’s messy, blonde hair.

“soon,” jaehwan replies long seconds later, leaning on his right elbow as he picks at wonsik’s hair with his left hand, his chin resting heavy in his palm and his lips pursing as his eyes trail over wonsik’s face. “you’re cute.”

“you are,” wonsik retorts with a noise that could very well be an embarrassed giggle, leaning up clumsily and wrapping a hand around the back of jaehwan’s neck to pull him in for a kiss.

jaehwan is still smiling when they break apart, just slightly out of breath, and wonsik’s chest boils with that familiar fluttering, the fluttering he’s so used to but that still manages to make his cheeks flush and his fingers tremble a little.