I'M AT SOUP

Hello, all!

As listed on the top of this blog, this is the writing archive/commission blog for @taedius / @lance-of-fury . I’m going to be moving commissions here, for ease of keeping everything together- and they’re open now!

Check out my commission page for more details.

Examples of my writing can be found HERE.

Want to support, but don’t want a commission? Donate to my ko-fi here.

I also have a paypal.me for the very generous.

Slots are not limited!

You can contact me on tumblr IM, on my twitter, or on Discord at taedius#9120.

Original text post by @incorrectzukka

Twitter | Instagram

Hello, all!

As listed on the top of this blog, this is the writing archive/commission blog for @taedius / @lance-of-fury . I’m going to be moving commissions here, for ease of keeping everything together- and they’re open now!

Check out my commission page for more details.

Examples of my writing can be found HERE.

Want to support, but don’t want a commissiob? Donate to my ko-fi here.

I also have a paypal.me for the very generous.

Slots are not limited!

You can contact me on tumblr IM, or on Discord at taedius#9120.

Be forcibly restrained and poisoned:

Suffocate:

Break her legs:

Possibly die for a minute (or, at the very least, become comatose):

Use a wheelchair:

Be sent away for healing:

Have a complete mental/emotional breakdown:

Go through physical therapy:

And become repeatedly triggered via PTSD:

And still fans are like:

Video Transcription from user @/lelegenevieve on TikTok: “If you’ve been supporting the Black Lives Matter movement or are looking for ways to support, please stop scrolling and signal boost this video. I’ve been coding—pretty tirelessly—everyday for my website pb-resources.com. It’s an education tool and resource I’ve been using to compile information to fight police brutality and white supremacy. There are calls to action, educational tools, and different places to donate. Today I added this section that allows you to input your information and send automated emails; and everything is filled out for you. It was also really important that for me to adds way to support the Black trans community. And in a few days, the website will be generating ad revenue and 100% of the proceeds will be donated; so all you have to do is visit the site to support BLM. Lastly, I’ve been asking you guys to follow me on Instagram (@/alexisdenisew) so I can hit 10k and get the swipe up update and I’m almost there. So if you haven’t already, go follow.”

If anyone with experience with audio transcription formatting would like to repost this with a better transcript, please do, my experience is limited.

callout posts in 2015: this user is stealing bones from cemeteries for witch rituals!

callout posts in 2016: this user Actually A Nazi

callout posts in 2017: this user watches an anime I don’t like

callout posts in 2018: i went through this user’s youtube like history and found a video from JonTron that they liked in 2012, proving that they’re a bad person

callout posts in 2019: this user plays E-Rated Video Games, which are meant for children, which seems pretty sus to me idk :/

But then! Dig a little deeper, and it’s all “yeah, there are two moons, but they aren’t really moons, they’re the corpse of the god who tricked all the other gods into creating the world, and mortals just interpret them as moons”, and “an entire race created technology that runs on souls, and they accidentally erased themselves from existence while trying to become gods, well at least that’s our best guess” and “some dudes replaced their hearts with plants and you can pickpocket the plant-heart right out of their chest” and “here’s a weapon that sometimes turns your enemies into pastries”. 

The Hist are alien ‘trees’ that crash landed on Nirn after their planet was destroyed. They exist outside of time as we know it really and drink memory as if it were water. They are only nerfed by the fact they don’t have hands, a fact they fixed by tricking lizards into eating them, permanently altering their biology so that they resembled the man races and uplifting them into a sentient race of their own that is dependant on them to procreate.

This one time a monkey got SO MAD at god he and his human friends danced so hard it broke time for 1,000 years (which to everyone else felt like one night) and at the end they had deleted god and replaced him with a new, furry approved version.

If you wish upon a star, it might just come to earth and kill you. The constellations themselves are actually living, breathing beings and they fucking hate us bro, they are sick of our shit.

The first emperor used his giant mecha to take over the continent. The second TES game deals with a bunch of warring factions and you gift only one of them the mecha at the end. Canonically the game ended with time itself breaking and every faction paradoxically having the mecha at the same time. Not multiple mecha, the same single one. Afterwards all factions were at peace with one another.

One of the most powerful living wizards created multiple female clones of himself to have sex with. He’s also friends with the last dwarf, who was fucking around in another dimension when all the other dwarves vanished.

If you’re a TES NPC and you suspect that you are a video game character that shouldn’t have consciousness, you blip out of existence instantly. This may or may not be what happened to the dwarves. If you somehow reconcile that contradiction you become a god.

The emperor last used his giant mecha to conquer the elves. The elves surrendered in an hour, but the mecha fucked up time so hard that the battle lasted thousands of years. It’s still happening, right now, in a pocket dimension of time. The elves to this day still have to send their best mages to that pocket dimension to fight the emperor’s god-mecha, to stop their capital from being retroactively destroyed.

All the dragons you see in skyrim are drakes, or male dragons. Female dragons, called jills, basically act as temporal repairmen, fixing time when it gets all wonky by singing to it. They have a rivalry with the Hist, who also “fix” time when it gets wonky to make sure that things are fated to go their way.

Shout out to her for being so nice that Iroh legit went “listen, shit is gonna go down tomorrow and I don’t want you here for it, how bout you take the day off”

They really just went and DID THAT