~*follow for more soft gangrene*~

One important rule for avoiding coming across as lecturing and/or patronizing is to not give unsolicited advice. When in doubt, ask first if they'd even like your advice and/or input in the first place, as you risk coming across as patronizing and condescending when giving unsolicited advice.

Word choice also makes a difference in preventing coming across as lecturing and/or patronizing. Opt for using collaborative language that paints the idea that you are sharing your own experiences to be helpful, rather than opting for language that comes across as instructive and prescriptive. Some examples are saying "in my personal experience . ." "what has worked for me in these types of situations situations . .".

It's also a good idea to use phrases that acknowledge their experiences to signal that you view them as equally competent and capable as yourself, such as "I'm sure you've already thought of this but / You probably already know this but " etc.

And importantly, make sure to leave room for disagreements, and acknowledge the fact that your feelings and experiences, although possibly helpful to this person's situation, are not universal. Just because something has worked for you doesn't mean it's the end all be all of the most correct way to handle similar situations.

It might be integral to someone's learning experience to work through something on their own. They might need to learn firsthand why something needs to be done a certain way rather than be shown the way to do it. Remember that in a lot of cases we learned more from failure than we do from success.

Sometimes that can be really frustrating to watch, but it's important to acknowledge that everyone's learning needs are different.

Jaheira, the High-Harper 🌸

bc specifically the line that keeps getting brought up is when she says:

but she's not just calmly discussing her opinion on human/xenos relationships. the lines before it are:

She's at the end of her rope, isolated in an unfamiliar and dangerous environment, coming to a person with power over her (the Lord Captain) to report that along with being regular harassed, someone has now sexually harassed her, with very little idea how the Lord Captain will receive this. and then you can harass her! or you can tell her shut up and deal with it. or you can say Thank you for trusting me with this, I'll make sure it doesn't happen again, and she's surprised by this response. Yrliet's only defender is Yrliet. She's backed into a corner. Of course she's coming out swinging.

So I think that pointing to this line in particular as evidence of her not liking sex with humans versus being really upset by harassment, including sexual harassment is a weird one.

Honestly I feel that if this scene were to happen to Cassia, it could go beat for beat but with her comparing a commoner/worker to a beast and it wouldn't undermine her allosexuality. And similarly, I think this scene could be cut from Yrliet's storyline, and she would still read as asexual to me.

And like, allo-for-aeldari Yrliet is a not uncanon interpretation. I don't think she ever comes out and says 'I do not enjoy having sex with other aeldari'.

But I think it is uncharitable + flattens her character to say 'well, Yrliet just views humans as animals so that's why she won't fuck my Lord Captain!' -- because she also spirit bonds with you, and trusts you, and will romance you; and on the flip side doesn't enjoy even chaste touch, and continues to not want physical intimacy even when you're in a monogamous romantic relationship. To strip it down to well it's just bc you're human, Yrliet would be totally down to fuck an eldar, ignores the larger context of that line in particular + the whole rest of her romance or friendship.

attack on @divorcedwife !!!

I have a fairly regular issue that needs surgical intervention about 1-2 times a year. The surgeries themselves are small but invasive. I've been dealing with a pile of medical bills from a past issue that's about to get bigger due to two necessary surgeries coming up, both of them basically advanced excisions.

Also, I'll most likely need to switch the way I get my HRT to a more self-directed method in the next few weeks, and the upfront costs to switch are rough for me. I could've sorta tanked that in a normal year, but not now. All this combined is hitting at the absolute worst time possible.

I've said before that I took up a second job to shore up some of my bills, but that was a part-time gig that's no longer available. And again, no hard feelings if you simply can't or won't for any reason, but especially if you're helping those of us that are doing far, far worse than I am.

Much love 💜