Attractive Disaster

Edward glanced at the woman beside him before his lips unfurled into a small, embarrassed smile at her exclamation, pointing to himself. “Me? Well, I hope you’re ready for these sick moves.”

Tabitha didn’t pay much attention to his dancing(if that’s even what it could’ve been called), but as soon as she caught a glimpse of Edward, her swaying came to a halt. “Oh... Oh no, sweetie, no.” Attempting to hold in laughter, a slight snort escaped her as she clasped her hands. “Bless your heart.” 

Okay, I’ll admit it.

“They are, I guess?” Tabby canted her head to the side at the sight of them. “Believe it or not, I have no idea how to do origami. Usually I’m excellent with my hands, but...” She trailed off with a light ‘hm’ and the shrug of her shoulders.

“I’m offended by that accusation especially as I stand before you in this awesome Captain America masquerade mask,” he grinned, noting her dainty wiggling fingers before adding, “You on the other hand are winning with looking both awesome and smoking hot.”

“Hmm-- Yeah-- I know I am.” She chided at the compliment. “Oh, if he was here, I wouldn’t be speaking to you right now.” Tabitha chuckled softly. “Oh, yes please. I’m a sucker for good champagne.”

I don’t even know what this is that I’m eating but it’s delicious.

“Well, the tiny food makes me feel normal.” Tabby chirped with soft laughter. “Don’t try so hard to be hip, by the way. It’s so not cool.” Raising a dainty, gloved hand to wiggle her fingers at him, she offered a smile. 

“Yeah?” A small smirk graced his lips as he listened to her continue speaking. “This definitely isn’t my scene, but I figured meh, it might be entertaining when the inevitable affair is brought up and crusty housewives, as you brilliantly put it, starting ripping out each other’s hair.”

“Seems like it--” She agreed, duly noting his casual clothing. “Well, shit... I went all out. I mean, that’s only because I had a reason to buy this dress I’ve been eyeing for weeks, and I’m trying to get a piece of ass by the end of the night. Maybe get a few numbers.” Tabby shrugged nonchalantly, having no shame as usual. “Tabitha, by the way. You can call me Tabby.”

“Hey, I’ve been trying to enjoy the party, babe. But it’s impossible when the blonde terminator is on the look out.”

Babe... Babe? Tabitha wrinkled her nose at the word and downed the drink in her hand. “Well, you should only be afraid if you did something-- never piss a woman off.” A moment of silence. “...What exactly did you do?”

“She’s tiny and blonde and very serious about this masquerade and her swans. If she catches me tonight she will probably end my life. Please help.”

“Woah, woah, woah...Woah, there... Slow down, I haven’t had nearly enough to drink to listen to you whine. Try again later, bub.” A beat passed. “Oh, come on-- enjoy the party!”

“Do you know if there’s any hard alcohol anywhere? All I keep finding is weird tasting wine.”

“Today might be your lucky day, kid.” Tabby grinned crookedly with little to no effort. “I’ve got some cognac in my trunk. It’s for emergencies-- and this is an emergency. I mean, just look at this place.” Tabitha placed a hand on her hip and grimaced. “Too many politicians and crusty housewives if you ask me.”

“God, I am having the worst case of chub rub right now. Literally my thighs are on fire. And all in the name of beauty, which I’m not sure is even worth it anymore. I should’ve showed up in a jumpsuit like that girl over there, she’s got brains.”

“You and me both, sister.” Tabitha rolled her eyes, snatching a champagne flute from a passing waiter with a tray poised to the palm of their hand. A few sips prior to speaking again, she stared at the woman. “...At least you didn’t decide to wear leather gloves.” Tabitha took a dig at herself. “But I’m actually not that sweaty or hot under my dress... I’m not wearing any underwear.” She whispered that last bit into the glass, taking a gulp-- though it’d been loud enough of a hoarse exhale of words that a few people near the two turned their heads.

I swear it all manages to be so deceiving.

“Yikes...Feelin’ alright, or is it still going right through you?”

“Howdy there,” he waved back before pausing, “I don’t know why I said that. I’m not from the South. But uh, hey while I’m just butting into your life. I would recommend ten out of ten this fantastic beverage by the name of Irn Bru for the hangover but it’s literally illegal to import into this country. Don’t get me started on it. But, those weird sounding herbal teas are good for it too. Something I found out after I realised I hadn’t, y’know, been grocery shopping in like, fifty years and that was all I had lurking in the cupboard after a night out.”

“...I was just going to get rid of it with a mimosa.” Tabby raised a brow, snorting at the man as he rambled. “Huh. Well, thanks for the input.” Tabitha tucked the envelopes of bills under her arm, adjusting her silk robe. “I’d rather drink to get over a hangover because that way, everyone wins-- sort of.” For a moment,, Tabby felt that her words could have been deemed as pathetic or pitiful. She quickly shook the feeling and offered him a crooked grin.

“I’m– excuse me?” Edward furrowed his eyebrows together before chuckling quietly, unsure whether or not to take offense. “How’re you doing… shorty?”

“Hey, man... I may be short, but I’m one crazy bitch with the strength of a wrestler. Ask anyone.”  A beat passed. “Aight, nerd. Go on ‘n answer me first. Or, are you one of those awkwardly tall and socially awkward guys?”