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(Over)Traumatized!Hokage Kakashi x Pregnant!Reader

(Kakashi's baby cr: Pinterest)

When the reality of fatherhood triggers his deepest fears of losing everything, Kakashi goes to extreme lengths to keep you safe, especially after you fall ill. But when the time comes, he is miles away from home. Will he finally be on time for once, or will history rewrite his greatest tragedy?

.✦ ݁˖ Proofread: Yes! | Word Count: 4.6k (wow) | Warnings: pregnancy (STAY WITH ME, HOLD ON), Fem!reader, descriptions of natural labor pain, heavy pregnancy anxiety, PTSD triggers, established relationship, heavy angst, emotional vulnerability. Readers are free to scroll past if this specific character interpretation does not align with their comfort levels. Characters' portrayals are inspired by canon, with adjustments for the sake of the narrative.

.✦ ݁˖ a/n: Just got my master's with honors, got sick, and am having imposter syndrome. What a time! Anyway, thank you all for reading my AUs!! I appreciate every single one of you! I see your requests in my inbox, and I'm taking care of them, I promise. Thank you for sending them! Also, anyone else whose first language is NOT English has their browsers full of "X word synonym" like I do? Comments, likes & reblogs are always welcome. Enjoy <3 (I truly believe that there is a TIME and PLACE for the preg trope and this is it. STAY WITH ME ON THIS ONE, YALL! One of my best AUs so far :'))

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Every sound. Every breeze. Everything was too overwhelming right now for Kakashi.

His palms, sweaty. His forehead, sweaty. His heart, almost jumping out of his chest.

Tsunade pushed her stool back. The small wheels scraped against the white linoleum floor. You gripped the edge of the examination cot, afraid of the unknown. The crinkly paper beneath your legs was almost completely ruined from how much you had been shifting around. You sat down after the soft green chakra finally faded from Tsunade's palms.

Kakashi hovered right by your knee. The heavy fabric of his Hokage robe brushed against your shins. He looked like he desperately wanted to pace the room, but he refused to step away from your side.

During the past few days you had been feeling funny, but you brushed it off as something minor. Maybe the flu? Maybe just a bad meal? The morning sickness had to be something you ate, right?

Right?

Tsunade stood up and grabbed a metal clipboard from the nearby counter. Kakashi was following her every move, as if in a matter of seconds, his world could crash down. He didn't ask any questions or try to rush the diagnosis. He just stood there, waiting.

Tsunade flipped a page and finally looked up at the two of you. Her strict posture relaxed into a completely unguarded smile.

"Congratulations! You two are officially expecting."

A pause.

A deep breath.

Is the room spinning, or is it just your and Kakashi's heads?

You let out a massive breath that sounded halfway between a laugh and a sob. Kakashi immediately reached out to you. His hand enveloped yours, squeezing it softly. You could see his chest heaving with a deep, shaky sigh. He was entirely overwhelmed in the best possible way.

Tsunade tapped her pen against her chin while checking the paper on the clipboard. "Chakra signatures are a bit tricky this early. I would bet my last ryo you are having a little girl, though."

A little girl.

Kakashi's baby girl.

His little, precious little princess.

Kakashi's hand tightened around yours again. His visible eye curved into a soft crescent shape as he raised your hand and pressed a lingering kiss to the back of it.

Tsunade began calculating the timeline for the pregnancy, listing out the physical changes you should expect. "We can expect her to be here in early May. Shizune will assist you with the scheduling of future appointments."

The reality of the next nine months settled heavily over the small clinic room. Kakashi tilted his head to look at you. You were glowing, but his hyper-vigilant mind immediately started categorizing every single threat in and out of the village. You were carrying his child. Now you were the most fragile thing in his entire universe.

The profound joy was quickly swallowed by an overwhelming terror. Kakashi had spent his entire life watching his comrades slip through his fingers. He had failed to protect Kushina when he was assigned to guard her. He had nearly lost Sakura in battle countless times.

And Rin.

Rin.

Panic.

The thought of history repeating itself made his blood run completely cold. Now, he was the one wearing the Hokage cloak instead of Minato. Instead of Kushina, you were the one carrying the entire weight of his legacy. Or, at least, the most important part of it.

He stared at your smiling face and silently vowed, once again, to burn the world down before he let anything happen to you.

But could he really keep this promise?

Or would he be late like Minato, the famous Yellow Flash, who was always fast to bring down enemies but too late for situations that actually mattered.

Fear.

Panic.

How many times would Kakashi feel these two emotions over the next nine months?

It started a week after you found out.

You would go to the market for fresh fruit, and Yamato would coincidentally be inspecting grapes two stalls down. You would take a slow walk near the training grounds, and he would somehow be patching up a wooden fence right along your path.

Weird.

At first, you thought it was just a funny coincidence. Then, it became an unquestionable pattern.

Why was Yamato always there? Why was Yamato always in a highly alert state whenever you came across him?

You thought it was very suspicious, and maybe, just maybe, something deep inside of you knew why he was always there. You knew Kakashi wasn’t going to let you be by yourself for too long while he worked on his Hokage responsibilities.

However, you were still not 100% aware of the conversation that had taken place behind the closed doors of the Hokage's office immediately after the clinic visit.

Kakashi had been staring blindly at a stack of trade agreements, his pen completely still. A single knock on the heavy wood was followed by a sharp "Come in." Yamato stepped into the room as soon as the door opened. He stood at attention on the other side of the oak desk, waiting for whatever conversation was about to happen. "Tenzo," Kakashi said. His voice sounded nothing like its usual lazy drawl. "I have an ongoing S-rank mission for you." Yamato braced himself, fully expecting a border dispute or a rogue ninja tracking mission. Whatever it was, he was ready. "I'm going to be a dad." There was not a single hesitation in his speech. Yamato had seen Kakashi speak in a very stern tone, but there was something entirely different in his words this time. "I fear being the Hokage won't allow me the time to be fully present at every second of her day. That is why you are going to shadow her," Kakashi ordered. He finally looked up, his visible eye dark and uncompromising. "Every time she steps out of the house. Every time I am stuck behind this desk. You are her secondary shadow. You must report back immediately if anything happens." Yamato blinked. It took him a second to process the request. He quickly congratulated the Sixth Hokage, but he saw the slight tremor in Kakashi's clenched jaw. The unspoken history of the Fourth Hokage and his pregnant wife hung heavily in the air between them. Yamato bowed his head immediately. "With my life, Lord Sixth." Kakashi was not finished yet. He bit his thumb and slammed his hand against the heavy oak desk. A small puff of smoke cleared immediately. It revealed the wrinkly familiar pug sitting right on top of the trade agreements. Pakkun looked between the Hokage and the now highly stressed ANBU captain. "Another tracking mission, boss?" He yawned. Kakashi leaned forward and rested his chin on his intertwined fingers. "You are on baby duty, Pakkun. You stay inside the house with her." Pakkun scratched behind his ear lazily, not really impressed by the "mission". “That means you sleep at the foot of her bed." Now THAT got Pakkun’s attention. Kakashi continued. "You smell danger before it even gets close to our front porch. If her chakra drops, you bite Yamato so he can take her to Tsunade." Yamato gulped loudly at the “minor” threat, but he didn't dare argue. Pakkun just sighed and mumbled something about his paws needing a massage. He immediately jumped off the desk and trotted away to find you.

From that day on, you had that squishy shadow following you from room to room. Yamato guarded the perimeter outside, but Pakkun was your absolute indoor protector.

He became your favorite couch buddy. Whenever you sat down to rest, Pakkun would hop up and lay his little chin right on your growing bump. He would fall asleep listening to the baby’s heartbeat, completely unbothered whenever your daughter decided to kick him directly in the snout.

Maybe this baby and “mommysitting” mission wasn’t too bad after all.

Yamato and Pakkun were not the only ones hovering. As your bump grew, the entire village seemed to silently agree to wrap you in a protective bubble.

Naruto and Sakura made it a weekly habit to randomly pop up wherever you were. Sakura would drop by the house with special prenatal vitamins she or Tsunade had personally mixed. Naruto would literally materialize out of thin air to carry your groceries, refusing to let you hold anything heavier than a single apple. Keeping the village AND his sensei’s wife protected became his not-so-official mission.

Gai and Lee were even more intense. They would appear at your front gate with ridiculous, and very highly questionable "Youthful Pregnancy Supplements." Sakura promptly confiscated those and threw them in the trash, to say the least.

“Are you two going crazy? Absolutely NOT!” She would yell at their faces.

Instead of letting them feed you, you compromised by letting them do all the yard work so you wouldn't have to lift a finger.

You took this time to learn how to care even deeper for others. It gave you a deep sense of purpose. You prepared fresh meals and drinks for whoever was helping you out. They always said there was no need, but you insisted so you wouldn't feel completely useless.

Everything felt incredibly safe. Until the sixth month hit.

The beautiful, glowing phase of pregnancy completely vanished. It was replaced by a terrifying exhaustion. Your baby was growing fast, and she was greedy, pulling heavily on your chakra reserves.

You started feeling dizzy just walking from the kitchen to the living room. The normal discomforts morphed into very sharp and sudden aches that left you breathless. The first two times it happened, Kakashi was there. He promptly rushed you to bed to rest while he asked Pakkun to find a medical ninja immediately. Shizune evaluated you, recommended intensive rest, and left some medicine to help ease the strain.

One evening, you were making tea when a sudden cramp seized your stomach. The ceramic mug slipped from your hands, shattering across the kitchen floor. Before the pieces even settled, Pakkun jumped up to the kitchen window and called Yamato, who was positioned just outside the back porch.

Yamato let himself in as if he also owned the house. His eyes scanned the room for a threat before landing on you, holding your stomach. He needed to act immediately. He grabbed the first coat in sight, draped it over your shoulders, and escorted you straight to the hospital while Pakkun stayed close to your heels.

These emergency trips became a frequent occurrence over the next two months. Yamato would rush you to the hospital at the slightest wince, and Kakashi would always arrive a few minutes later.

He was the Hokage. He couldn't just abandon a council meeting with the Daimyōs the second his ANBU guard or ninken sent a distress signal. He had to excuse himself, hand off his duties, and then sprint.

Was Kakashi too late?

Would there ever be a time he wouldn’t make it fast enough to see you still there? Waiting for him.

You would be sitting on a hospital cot with an IV drip of chakra supplements when the door would slide open. Kakashi would walk in, his chest heaving. His silver hair messy from sprinting across the rooftops, streets, and whatever free path he could find to reach you. The heavy guilt in his eye every time he arrived was absolutely heartbreaking.

It became a ritual. He would pull a chair right up against the mattress and bury his face in your neck, inhaling your scent just to prove to himself you were still there. He would press kiss after kiss to your knuckles, whispering apologies into your skin for not being there the exact second you felt pain.

You would always acknowledge his feelings, gently assuring him that everything was fine.

You were never mad.

You chose to share this life with him, and backing out was never an option. He was doing everything in his power to keep you safe, but his duties to the village were slowly pulling him away when you needed him most.

Kakashi’s anxiety finally reached its absolute peak in the first week of May.

May.

It’s almost time.

You were just a couple of days away from your due date. Kakashi had prepared everything. You two agreed on two options: either make it to the hospital or call someone to deliver the baby in your house. The second option was his preferred one, so he made sure you had everything you’d need months prior to your due date in case a home delivery would be chosen.

Kakashi still kept up with the ANBU squad, so when he announced that you were about to give birth and he was worried about any potential threats, his ex-squad was ready to take on anything in order to keep you and the baby safe.

Not everything would go according to plan. Of course it wouldn’t.

The village required its Hokage.

A mandatory summit in the Land of Lightning was called. It was an emergency dispute that could not be handled by proxies. Kakashi fought the council for three agonizing days, but he eventually had to pack his travel bag.

Before leaving, he sat by your side in our shared bed and pressed his forehead against yours. You stayed like that in the silence of your house for a few seconds, before he pressed a kiss close to your mouth. You held his face with your hands, as gentle as you could.

“Go. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine! After all, we’re both members of the Hatake clan, huh?” You said under a soft laugh. Kakashi’s smile was there, but very faint. “I promise I will come back as fast as I can. I’m leaving you two in great hands, but please, take care.” He said while kissing the palms of your hands. You nodded and mumbled an “I love you!” to which he immediately responded.

He left Yamato and Pakkun at your house with strict orders. He promised you again that he would rush back the second the final paper was signed.

Kakashi had only been gone for a single day when the illness hit you.

It wasn't that sharp and agonizing pain of a contraction that you read about and were expecting. It was a wave of nauseating sickness that sent you collapsing onto the living room sofa. You were sweating, your vision was blurry, and your stomach felt completely wrong.

Too wrong.

Were you supposed to feel like this?

You assumed it was just the baby draining your chakra again, a severe repeat of your sixth-month symptoms that you thought had finally gone away by now.

Pakkun paced nervously around the rug. He kept whining, his wet nose twitching violently as he sniffed the air around you.

"Yamato!” you gasped out, pressing a cold hand to your forehead. "Please get Sakura. Tell her there’s something wrong with the baby.”

Yamato disappeared instantly. Less than ten minutes later, the front door burst open. Sakura rushed in with her medical bag, her face entirely focused and professional, but with a deep worry that she was trying to cover.

“Please lie back," she instructed gently. Her hands glowed with green chakra as she hovered them over your heavy stomach. You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for the familiar relief of the medical ninjutsu to ease the nausea or work its magic to make you feel better.

But instead of relief, you felt a different pop.

A rush of warm fluid soaked completely through your clothes and onto the sofa cushions. The room went completely silent for what felt like hours, but everything went by faster than you could realize.

The moment you opened your eyes, you saw Sakura staring down at the couch. Her professional calm almost shattered into wide-eyed realization. "That is not a chakra drop," Sakura said. Her voice was breathless. "Your water just broke."

Pakkun let out a frantic bark. He finally smelled it. The sickness was not an illness. It was your body preparing for the inevitable. For the moment you waited patiently for 9 months.

It’s time.

"We need to move her to the room right now!" Sakura ordered. She immediately grabbed your arm to help you sit up, moving with practiced speed. "Yamato! Help me, but BE careful!"

"What about Kakashi?" you asked. Panic was finally clawing its way up your throat as a real, terrifying contraction seized your abdomen.

You were definitely NOT ready to do this on your own.

You needed your baby’s father.

You needed your man, your husband.

You needed your Kakashi.

Pakkun stood firmly by the front door. "I will handle the boss," the ninken growled. He barked sharply at Yamato. "Open the door!"

Yamato twisted the knob and threw the heavy wood open. Gai and Lee were standing right on the porch. They were holding massive baskets of raw vegetables and more suspicious supplement bottles. Sakura's head snapped toward the entrance. Her professional medical calm completely vanished.

"Are you two going crazy?!" Sakura yelled. "Didn't I already tell you to stop bringing this junk here?!"

Gai didn't even flinch at her yelling. His wide eyes locked onto you holding your stomach, trying to control your breathing, your face red and sweaty, and he instantly realized what was happening.

The memory of a quiet evening two months ago flashed through his mind.

It was your seventh month. Kakashi had visited the Memorial Stone long after the sun went down. The air was getting thicker with the evening fog and the sound of the cicadas. Gai had known exactly where to find his rival and best friend. “Kakashi,” Gai called out. His name was probably one of Gai’s favorite words. “I knew I’d find you here. How are the preparations for the arrival of the youth?” Kakashi was standing completely still in front of the polished dark monument. His shoulders were slumped heavily. He looked completely stripped of his Hokage title. Standing there was no longer Lord 6th, but the man terrified of losing his entire world, now staring blindly at the carved names of his old comrades. A minute went by. Kakashi took a deep breath, eye still focused on the stone in front of him. "Gai," Kakashi spoke in a low tone. "I keep having nightmares about the Kyuubi attack." Gai stopped walking and stood respectfully beside him. He knew exactly what that meant. The Nine-Tailed Fox that destroyed the village years ago. Kushina had gone into labor, resulting in the tragic deaths of Kakashi's sensei and his wife. "I am thinking about calling in the ANBU,” Kakashi admitted. He finally pulled his gaze away from Minato's name to look at Gai. "I need a completely secure perimeter when the time comes," Kakashi continued. "I cannot afford to be late. I cannot lose them. She's getting sicker and sicker each day.” He spoke as if he already knew something could go wrong, or as if his duties wouldn’t allow him to be present when the time came. He needed to be prepared for whatever scenario would play out. Gai had placed a reassuring hand on Kakashi's shoulder. He promised to be there when the storm finally hit.

The storm was officially here.

Gai snapped back to the present. He dropped his basket of vegetables right onto the wooden porch waisting no time. “LEE!!” Gai commanded with authority. "You will stay here and guard the area with your life!"

Lee saluted through his dramatic tears and gave Gai a thumbs up. "Yes, Gai sensei!"

Gai turned back toward the village. He struck a dramatic pose, his teeth literally sparkling. "The Power of Youth waits for no man!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. Had you not been in labor, that would’ve made you laugh loudly. But oh boy, the pain was almost unbearable at this point.

He leapt into the air, moving faster than the eye could track. He rushed straight toward the ANBU headquarters to summon the squad. His booming voice echoed across the entire village. "The bloom of youth is ready to sprout!"

Pakkun watched Gai disappear. "I am going to get the boss,” Pakkun barked sharply. The small pug channeled a massive amount of chakra into all four paws. He launched himself off the porch and vanished into the trees.

A few minutes after Gai’s booming announcement, the air around the house shifted completely. A dozen masked ANBU operatives dropped silently from the trees. They landed on the roof, the porch, and the surrounding area.

Lee wiped his dramatic tears and dropped into a defensive stance right by the front door. The perimeter was entirely locked down. Only a complete fool would dare to try anything funny.

Inside, Sakura and Yamato didn't waste a single second. Yamato carefully helped you stand up and guided you to the room. Sakura was right behind you, making sure to support your back.

Yamato set you down gently on the bed. Then, he immediately stepped outside the door to stand guard in the hallway. You were finally alone with Sakura, but the true nightmare of labor was just beginning.

The pain was no longer just a dull ache. It felt like a heavy iron band was wrapping around your lower back. The invisible band tightened violently with every contraction. It completely crushed the air out of your lungs.

"Shiiiiiit...It hurts so much, Sakura!" you let out, completely lost in how bad the pain was.

"Breathe with me," Sakura commanded gently. Her hands glowed with soothing green chakra against your skin. "In through your nose. Out through your mouth."

You tried to follow her voice, but a blinding spike of agony made you scream instead. Your hands tangled desperately into the clean bedsheets.

"I’m nnnhg...it hurts. I’m never doing this again."

Your entire body was shaking uncontrollably. You were drenched in a cold sweat. The sheer pressure building in your lower abdomen was overwhelming. It felt like your body was tearing itself apart from the inside out to make room.

Miles away in the Land of Lightning, Kakashi stood in the marble hallway. The council was on a brief fifteen minute recess. Kakashi was leaning heavily against a stone pillar, rubbing his tired eye.

Can this be any more boring?

Shikamaru stood right beside him. The advisor was holding a stack of trade agreements and complaining about the Raikage's demands. Right then, Pakkun made his way through the hallway and jumped into Kakashi’s arms, panting heavily.

Shikamaru jumped back.

A tiny trail of blood seeped from the ninken’s paw pads from channeling too much chakra. "Boss," Pakkun wheezed out. He looked up at Kakashi with urgency. "She’s ready. It's time."

Kakashi didn't ask a single question. He didn't even go back inside the meeting room to excuse himself. "Shikamaru! Handle the rest of the summit," Kakashi ordered. His voice was completely deprived of emotion.

"Wait, WHAT?" was the only thing the Nara heir could say before Kakashi vanished in a crackle of blue lightning.

Kakashi pushed his body far beyond its physical limits. He tore across the lands, entirely blind to the scenery blurring past him. His lungs were burning. His chakra reserves were dropping dangerously low. He was using everything in his power to ensure he would make it. He needed to make it!

Please let me make it in time.

Please let me be there for them.

Panic.

Fear.

He finally crossed the gates of Konoha as the sun began to set. He didn't slow down. There was no way he would slow down, even if he had to drag his exhausted body to your shared house.

A silver blur crashed violently onto the front of the house. Three ANBU operatives reacted instantly. Kunai flashed in the dim evening light. They surrounded the intruder before he could make another move. A cold blade was pressed directly against Kakashi's throat.

Kakashi stared at the masked operatives. "Stand down," he said, trying to catch his breath. "It is me." The ANBU ninjas lowered their weapons and bowed their heads in apology.

Kakashi didn't care about the near-attack. Actually, a deep wave of relief washed over him. The squad had followed his orders perfectly. They were protecting you. He would properly thank them later, but right now, he was running out of time.

He pushed past Lee, who gently bowed his head, and threw the front door open. This is when he heard the agonizing scream that echoed from the back hallway. It made Kakashi's heart physically stop in his chest.

Panic.

Fear.

He sprinted down the corridor. Yamato got out of the way without hesitation. He threw the door to the room open.

The room was dim and suffocatingly hot. You were leaning back against the pillows, your face completely flushed and drenched in sweat. Sakura turned her head to look at the door.

"Kakashi sensei!" she exclaimed, and you looked up.

Kakashi dropped to his knees right beside the mattress. The heavy fabric of his Hokage cloak pooled on the floor. "I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier," he said under his breath, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes.

You looked at him amidst your pain, grabbing some of the strength you barely had left, and touched his face with your hand. "My love, you are right on time."

You are right on time.

On time.

Kakashi had made it!

He grabbed your hand with both of his. His calloused fingers intertwined tightly with yours. The blurry image of his silver hair grounding you.

"I am right here," Kakashi whispered. He pressed his masked mouth against your knuckles. "I am not going anywhere. I am right here, my baby."

“Okay! You know it’s time so I need you to push!" Sakura yelled firmly.

Another contraction seized your body with terrifying force. The involuntary urge to bear down consumed you entirely. It was overpowering. Kakashi removed the hair stuck to your face and pushed it back. His attention was completely locked on you.

"Here comes another one. PUSH!" Sakura instructed again.

You gripped Kakashi's hand hard enough to break a normal man's bones. You squeezed your eyes shut and pushed with every single ounce of strength you had left. Sakura lifted her green eyes to look at you. They held a very serious look.

"Listen! The next one is THE one. She’s almost out, so I need you to give me your all, okay?"

Tears were now falling down your face, mixing with the sweat. You took a deep breath and nodded. It was now or never.

Kakashi tightened his grip around the hand that was holding his. A sign that he was ready whenever you were.

"Right! This is it. PUUUUUUUSH!”

And you did, like your life depended on it. Because it did. Because now, you were responsible for another life too, and you would bear the weight of any pain to make that little life feel nothing but love.

A strange sense of relief flooded your lower half. The crushing pressure finally broke. The room, once filled with your screams, was now full of hope and happiness. Then, it came.

A cry.

Your baby’s cry.

The cry of Kakashi's baby girl.

He let out a shaky breath. His eye immediately filled again with unblinking tears.

Sakura smiled. She carefully wrapped the tiny baby in a soft white cloth. She stepped forward and gently placed your daughter directly onto your chest. "Congratulations, it’s a healthy and pretty girl!"

Kakashi leaned forward until his forehead rested against your damp hair. He looked down at the perfect face of his child.

He reached out with a trembling finger and softly stroked her warm cheek. The terrifying nightmares of his past finally went quiet. He had successfully fulfilled his first duty as a father: being there from the beginning.

ᯓ★ˎˊ˗ Readers also liked: [NEJI] After you, I won't seek love again, because if I do, I'll be searching for pieces of you in everyone | 💌 Masterlist | Have a request? Drop it here!

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