A Collection of Experiences, Featuring Cute Wife

Hope this helps.

Bigger community than I would have made for myself, I’m happy to be here, there are really good people who compliment my life right now perfectly. Reevaluating old friendships is hard. It’s hard to scale-down a friendship that had lasted so long, ups and downs and sideways movements. As long as we can readjust, we can be friends for a long time. But also, sometimes things that aren’t good for you and can’t change with you, end. Hard to decide how much to push back, usually I bend down and become small to keep the peace. But now? 2026 Taryn? Idk, she kind of knows what she wants now.

A toast to a life that feels good. You got this, warrior. You can be whatever you want.

Feeling a little better since booking an interview with Third Place Books. That’d be so cool. Also, #1 in the league. Sah.

Ever since moving here, and losing my distilling job, I’ve felt stagnated and like it’s difficult to enjoy where I am. I imagined other things that I’m more in control of. Not my house, would even be ok if I actually liked my neighbors, do not like bartending but it’s what’s keeping the income steady enough, leaving me with time on the weekdays that I’m spending trying not to spiral into depression. I had 2 bad episodes in the past 2 weeks. Trying to figure out what scary decision I’m avoiding or maybe I’m just trying to make a scary decision to reignite my adventure spark. Listen, all I think I know is that I feel unhealthily stagnated, and I am not spending my time trying to discover how far I can push myself if I keep trying hard things. I am not enjoying the life I have now. Because something inside says “this isn’t it. This isn’t where we stop trying and accept what we have. There’s more. There’s at least different for sure. Could my depression be alleviated by meds? Or would that just alleviate the tension the need in my life is demanding I pay attention to. Need for… control. And the other side of that coin is, acceptance. That’s my struggle that I find so all-consuming. That struggle within and all the symptoms of it, are what’s blotting out the joy I know I can feel. But it’s not a return to joy, as in a 23-year-old version of it. This journey to joy is the amalgamation of all 29 years. It looks and feels different because it is, by it’s nature. Honestly I’m rooting for you. And so is everyone that loves you. Which is a lot of people. Get on board.

Even though I know how to do this, how do I avoid storms in the future? I know you do not intentionally ride into a storm, but there are signs, warnings.

She realized the older she gets, the more difficult and essential the concentration on what’s important in that ever-fluctuating moment. Lose it, and things will slowly fall apart until you’re able to realize and halt that dissolution. Mindfulness is not as pointless as it seems. Beach walks count.

You cannot stay

Right?

Self-care is completing all the tasks for myself that I don’t especially want to do. But there is also a gentle, soft side. A side where I do yoga and forgive myself and give myself hugs and walk myself to the beach. Quality time.

It’s like reading a stream of consciousness journal but the signal keeps falling out so all you’re understanding is these vague out-of-left-field fragments.

I made it up the mountain. Just like I said I wanted to do. Go Team Taryn. You fucking rock. Don’t be (blue), or (bury) your feelings, darling. Not anymore.

New home. Alone with my husband. Sure we don’t own it. But I’m sure we’ll be happy together. In our little space. Everything placed intentionally. So near the beach and the city. Makes me excited for the future again. Goodbye Monroe house where everything happened. Let’s move forward. Let’s bring Xander. My 30s are coming soon and I feel good about where I am.

Get out of the house more, find a way to fill it up.