I will make a public apology instead of bothering that person more, if they see this they see this, if they don't then not
You won't find this post on my blog, but I don't want to erase what I have done and act like it never happened so I am putting it here. I deleted the post and cropped the screenshot to protect the person this interaction took place with, because I don't want anyone who sees this to harass them or reach out to them, they probably do not want to see me or anything from me ever again. (I've had people jump in and harass those I have wronged in the past and I don't want it to happen again).
So, there's a lot of problems with this, firstly, I think the person I reblogged from does self-ship with Meursault, and I accused them of doing the thing described in the post. Which, obviously, they aren't doing, aren't thinking they're doing, none of that.
I should have thought more before saying what I said, then I would understand why it is a fucked up thing to say, especially to them, and would come to the conclusions on my own.
I equated Book Meursault with Limbus Meursault. That wasn't right to do. We don't have any examples of Limbus Meursault being bigoted, they are distinct characters and blaming someone for justifying/liking the actions of Book Meursault when they have not justified them at all is wrong.
Additionally, as that person pointed out, and as I didn't know at the time, many Limbus characters are racist/bigoted/abusive in some way in their source which is removed from Limbus. Originally, I assumed that removing those aspects from Limbus would be ignoring and erasing them from the book, which is flawed thinking from me, and not a reason to project Book Meursault's actions onto Limbus Meursault and not a reason to blame someone. Also, I think the way I phrased it made it sound like I want Meursault to be bigoted, which I do not, for obvious reasons, I just thought that if he wasn't it would be bigoted on Project Moon's part which is not my place to decide whether it would be bigoted or not. I don't know the first thing about racism and I should not have spoken over people who do, myself being white.
Also, there are literal racists in Project Moon already, and ignoring that was bad on my part as well.
I didn't want to blame or accuse that person of anything, but I see that I have, and I think any way I could phrase what I said in that reblog would be blaming, because it's just not a good thing to say in the first place, it's an inherently blaming thing to say - this isn't to remove blame for me, but to state that I wasn't right to say it in the first place. To further explain but not excuse, when I saw the post I moreso started questioning my own opinions about Meursault and thinking I was morally fucked up for liking him, and wanted to make sure whether I was or not. I projected my own insecurities onto them and accused them of something I was afraid of doing, which is fucking horrible to do, and I think is also racist of me in this case.
I'm sorry for doing this and for being this way. I will change. I have done something I had full control over and it's fully in my power to stop acting this way and being this way.
This is not asking for forgiveness from anyone, it's not my place to ask for forgiveness. I'm doing this to hopefully mitigate the harm that I've done and acknowledge what I have done, and also to maybe show I want to and will change. I'm thinking about it and about why I thought what I did was acceptable. I'm not going to act like that again, I will be better. I'm sorry.
Again, if you find out who that person was, PLEASE do not contact them on behalf of me or mention me to them, I do not think they want to ever hear that. They've gone through enough already, and they shouldn't have to suffer at all nor more.
