syrcaljirk

Every glasses-related poll honestly needs to be separated into diopter ranges like wrestling weight classes bc every timeeeeee these +1.25 bitches are in the notes like "OMG why would you wear glasses in the shower!! why would you wear glasses having sex!!" because without them i am functionally blind. you may as well turn the lights off at that point bc i am feeling my way to the pussy like Velma. those are my eyes, bitch

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

Wait hang on... was I traumatized as a teenager? *thinks about it for a bit* Well I can't remember anything traumatic so it's probably fine.

Gonna chill out the rest of May and then change my entire life in June. Possibly July if that doesn't work out. Certainly no later than September or October.

Meanwhile, no person ever: “You should think about giving up your insulin/antiretrovirals/beta blockers/anti-rejection drugs/prosthetic legs/daily multivitamin, because using those your whole life is bad for some reason”

Oh no, they do that too.

I have a kidney transplant. A woman once told me she didn’t believe in organ transplants and that people should just die when they’re meant to. 

Sounds like a great set-up for a murder

People who are fully healthy, fit and neurotypical seem to think they are that way because they’re doing something right that the rest of us haven’t thought of, and not just because they got lucky

People who are fully healthy, fit and neurotypical seem to think they are that way because they’re doing something right that the rest of us haven’t thought of, and not just because they got lucky

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i love the phrase "sex pervert" like. as opposed to what? abstinence pervert?

i think they're called catholics

Never getting over Charlie Kirk getting shot in the throat right after he uses it to downplay gun violence. Gotta be a top 3 assassination. Up there with Shinzo getting doohickey'd.

It's on some straight up Greek play shit. Man who uses his voice to justify violence and stir evil for years meets his end as that very violence tears out his throat. Poetic. Captured live from multiple angles. People stole his blood soaked merch to hock and his wife was giddy about sale numbers during his funeral.

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!

wait wait wait stew goblin wait