If you ever knew me, I deeply apologize for being inadequate, and for others, causing trouble, drama and pain. Even if you left on your own accord I don't blame you or harbor any resentment. I've done some really stupid things driven by personal issues that I'm still struggling to understand and solve with not just long standing mental health ones but also likely neurological ones. I also just have historically bad social skills in general.
My memory and communication ability have seen a large drop in the last several years with a peculiar acceleration after a pair of weird, severe internal episodes 3-4 years ago that I'm still confused about and still have no medical explanation for. I had mental breakdowns during them where my thoughts and what I believed was intuition went to some really wild and dark places. I don't want to name anyone but this led to me doing things like burning bridges with a few people horrendously (plus vague posting about it) and ghosting/withdrawing socially from nearly everyone else when they did nothing wrong. I am still trying to unpack everything but it's very difficult with my functional issues. I hope everyone is doing well or at least better and that I can find help and be social with people again without ruining things and being terrified of ruining things.
It's been a while and I don't know if I will resume using this account normally but it's been killing me inside to stay totally quiet and leave the mess as it is forever even if I can't articulate things as well as I would like to. Lack of closure just sucks. I'll be glad if anyone I know or knew actually sees this. I might post again about this at some indeterminate time on the future.
