time is just a

Anaïs is 36 today! Everything I said for our anniversary of course holds true, but naturally that occasion is a bit more about us and I want to talk a bit more about her.

After a really tough couple of years on a personal/household level (and don’t get me wrong, I know that in a macro sense things continue to get tougher), somehow we’ve emerged on the other side in better shape than we’ve ever been. But while we both changed jobs in ways that are really positive for us, Anaïs changed careers in a really profound way. She’s still a student therapist working her way towards being a registered psychotherapist (and already seeing the maximum number of clients you can at that step). To give you some idea, this is roughly like trying to start doing some of the toughest, most emotional, most rewarding work out there you can do, one-on-one with people who are often just straight up not having a good time, while at the same time opening your own small business. I would be relentlessly proud of her for it if she was handling it, like 1/6th as well. And all of that is while she’s still in school, and I have to say that experience is a lot more intense, edifying, and life changing than I think “in school” really covers. It’s definitely school, but it’s also…. really intense group therapy, partly? I don’t directly experience what school and seeing therapy clients is like for her (of course), but I have gotten to see up close the amazing growth Anaïs has had as a result of them, and I’m profoundly lucky I get to do so.

AND all of the above was also during a year where she got a belated (and pricey lol) ADHD diagnosis and I’ve also gotten to see what a profound difference the medication for that has made as well. It’s been a real banner Anaïs year, to tell you the truth. She’s gone through things I’m not sure I could hack and has reached 36 in far better shape than pretty much anyone else I know, and she’s still getting better, sometimes it seems like every day. Selfishly, as her partner, it’s just such a joy and an inspiration to live with and be close to her.

When I think about access, I think about love.

…We all deserve love. Love as an action verb. Love in full inclusion, in centrality, in not being forgotten. Being loved for our disabilities, our weirdness, not despite them.

Love in action is when we strategize to create cross-disability access spaces. When we refuse to abandon each other. When we, as disabled people, fight for the access needs of sibling crips. I’ve seen able-bodied organizers be confused by this. Why am I fighting so hard for fragrance-free space or a ramp, if it’s not something I personally need?

When disabled people get free, everyone gets free. More access makes everything accessible for everybody.

And once you’ve tasted that freedom space, it makes inaccessible spaces just seem very lacking in that kind of life-saving, life-affirming love. Real skinny. Real unsatisfying. And real full of, well, hate.

Why would you want to be part of that?

For my last post, I’ve put together the roundup to end all roundups: a user’s guide to Rilo Kiley here at OWOB. 20,154 words later, I have had a great time writing this week and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. If you need me, you can find me at my blog and twitter. Now for a few thank yous that are definitely in order:

Thank you to Hendrik for many things, including letting me take more than one rain check this past year when my schedule just wouldn’t allow me to really do Rilo Kiley week the way I would have wanted to; I’m glad he let me wait until the timing was right. OWOB runs smoothly because of his kindness and thoughtfulness, he has created a beautiful thing here.

Thank you to my good friends, especially Zach, Stef, and Ed, who made up my group of cheerleaders and guinea pigs during this project, listening when I was stressed and buying me a beer at lunch when I needed it.

Thank you to everyone who has responded and reached out and been generally so supportive and complimentary. It’s so appreciated, you have no idea.

Thank you to those of you who have felt inspired to write something themselves because of my writing on Rilo Kiley this week. Your words and your passion make me feel like a part of a community of people who have also been affected by this beautiful music.

Thank you x a billion to Rilo Kiley, who I wish would read this whole thing (seriously, if you want to tweet at Jenny Lewis (@jennylewis) and let her know about this power-in-numbers-style, it would make my life) just so they know how important they’ve been not just to me but to so many people. Thank you for the love you put into everything you make.

And finally, thank you to my husband, Ian, who I couldn’t have done this without. He is not only the best editor a writer could have but the best sounding board a person can have when they are feeling insecure about their ability. Thank you for this and all of the other beautiful things that definitely make me weep.

It’s so fucking beautiful! Let’s do this:

Day 1: The Initial Friend EP and Take Offs and Landings

A Personal History of/with Rilo Kiley

“Glendora” from The Initial Friend EP

“Go Ahead” from Take Offs and Landings

“Science vs. Romance” from Take Offs and Landings

“Plane Crash in C” from Take Offs and Landings

“Pictures of Success” from Take Offs and Landings

Day 2: The Execution of All Things, Part 1

Capturing Moods: On The Execution of All Things

“Paint’s Peeling” from The Execution of All Things

“The Execution of All Things” from The Execution of All Things

What About Blake?

“So Long” from The Execution of All Things

“A Better Son/Daughter” from The Execution of All Things

Day 3: The Execution of All Things, Part 2

“Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight That Surrounds You” from The Execution of All Things

We Need to Talk About Pierre and Jason

“My Slumbering Heart” from The Execution of All Things

Nardwuar vs. Rilo Kiley

“With Arms Outstretched” from The Execution of All Things

“Spectacular Views” from The Execution of All Things

Day 4: More Adventurous

At Least We’ll Be Loved: On More Adventurous

“Does He Love You?” from More Adventurous

“Portions for Foxes” from More Adventurous

The Jenny Lewis Dream Hair Tutorial

“Ripchord” from More Adventurous

“I Never” from More Adventurous

“More Adventurous” from More Adventurous

Day 5: Under the Blacklight

A Thorny Crown: On Under the Blacklight

“Silver Lining” from Under the Blacklight

“Breakin’ Up” from Under the Blacklight

Cooking with Rilo Kiley

A Rilo Kiley Primer

“Under the Blacklight” from Under the Blacklight

“Dreamworld” from Under the Blacklight

Day 6: RKives, Covers, and Farewell

I Remember You: On RKives

“After Hours (Velvet Underground cover)” from the single for “The Execution of All Things”

“Let Me Back In” from RKives

After all that, I made a post for our 10th anniversary earlier and forgot for a bit to put it here as well! Here’s all the pictures, and here’s what I said:

I had a bunch of crap here about my tough weekend. And here’s the thing: none of that matters. In the 10 years to the day since we got married in NYC if we’ve learned anything about each other and ourselves it’s that the formality of the specific anniversary day, the idea that this one in particular needs to be perfect, just doesn’t matter to either of us and definitely not us together. Neither of us has unrealistic expectations of the other, and both of us care more about the love and respect and communication between us than if we do a fancy thing on a fancy date. It’s been true ever since the day MORE than 10 years ago that I was sitting nervously on a plane down to Florida, going to meet for the first time this person that I already thought might be my girlfriend, or something more. Did I tell you guys that like a week or two into talking I told my mom is suspected that just maybe we’d get married some day? I had previously not cared whether or not I got married. And then we did meet, and within maybe an hour or two it was just… oh, there you are. That’s what my life is now. No money, no idea how immigration worked, still getting to know each other, and still. And now for 10 years we’ve given each other the biggest, best thing we could: we get to live together every day and hold the things we need to hold together, even when it’s tough, and deal with our idiot cat, and have so many bits of private vocabulary and injokes, and try to keep the apartment running, and spend hours talking about everything and anything with each other, and being quiet and together in the same room, and nap together, and have dumb fights that seem to always wind up with more love and understanding between us. 10 years of actual, imperfect wedded bliss that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Thank you for everything you do and are and for being the most perfect partner I could have. And for taking these pictures.

When I think about Low I think about Alan saying “Everyone I love told me they hated me today” in front of a festival crowd, and Mimi saying “Not everyone” so gently and in her voice knowing that she is communicating with someone who isn’t there, who cannot hear her actual words in that moment, and loving that person any way and making sure they know that she’s there the second they come back.

When I think about Mimi, I think about Mimi. Drumming and harmonising, the first two that come to mind for whatever reason are In Silence and That’s How You Sing Amazing Grace. I think of her working the cymbals during a seven minute black metal noise jam. I think of Tonight and how much I love it that the song is called “Tonight” and how warm it feels.

Happy Happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock Happy Happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock [It’s almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, followed by the Big Giveaway. Don’t miss it. And don’t forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It’s almost time.] Happy Happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock Happy Happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock