welcome to sylvouz’s space ݁⟡ ݁

so at first, on just a chill day, he’ll ask if he can practice it on u (ofc it’s not turned on first), AND IMAGINE THAT LOOK OF CONCENTRATION to not burn your hair, his hand, and your whole place down

AND WHEN HE THINKS HE GOT IT, he’ll plug it. ofc few mistakes here and there, but maybe after 8 prac sessions, AND 25 yt videos and shorts, HE’LL SUCCESSFULLY CURL A STRAND !!!!

AND HE’L L BE SO HAPPY AND U HAVE TO REMIND HIM TO BE CAREFUL BCS IT’S STILL PLUGGED

and then he’ll just do that every occasion y’all go out, even 👏🏼 on 👏🏼 a 👏🏼normal day!

“babe, i watched a new way how to style your hair”, he says one day, heat protectant spray on one hand, other hand leading yall to ur shared bedroom. “please let me try it on you!”

AND I HEADCANON MANS WILL SUPPORT YOU ON UR MAKEUP BEFORE SHOWER SESSION AND WILL TAKE MANY SELFIES WITH U

WILL DEF BE ONE OF HIS LOVE LANGUAGES: helping my partner get ready (and y’all can leave sooner for an event wink wink)

you lightly kissed him, but you never got up from where you are. you grinned mischievously, confusing your husband, then you pressed play.

daichi’s eyes went to the screen, paused for a bit, and it narrowed. “love…”, he sighed. “why are you watching that crime documentary channel again?”

you sat up abruptly from the couch and glared. “what do you mean why?”

daichi steadied you by your waist, probably because he knows you’ve been complaining about getting lightheaded when you stand up too fast. “you’ve been watching top three unresolved missing person’s cases the whole week”, he tells you with a frown. “yesterday, you told me you don’t wanna go hiking ever because you might get taken by a random sick man on the trail with you”.

you protested, pouting. “but i—“

daichi rubbed circles on your swollen belly. “i don’t think our girls want to feel their mama stressed”.

the monotone narration from the tv continued playing, talking about some evidence that led them to absolutely nowhere, but both of you weren’t listening anymore.

you looked back at the tv, and then back at your husband and exhaled. your fingers brush the remote hidden from the cushion. you clicked the power button off.

you patted the space beside you, and he sat down.

you rested your head on his shoulder, covering the both of you with your blanket. it’s the same one he gifted you on your last year’s birthday because you talked about it endlessly, about how your favorite color changed from orange to purple because of it.

it smelled like you.

the blanket barely covered his broad frame, while yours was enveloped by its warmth. you pulled it up until it reached your chin.

“it’s not that it stresses me out”, you whispered, staring ahead. you feel him turn to you. “it’s just that i wanna know the dangers of the world because i wanna protect myself, and them”.

your fingertips lightly drummed on the spot where your girls usually kick. “they’re girls, love. i don’t want them to end up in a ditch in the middle of nowhere then go missing—“

“—then go missing for years and we’ll find out on the news that someone found their skeletal remains?”, he finished for you.

your eyes widened.

daichi placed a hand on top of yours. he gently kissed your hairline.

“can you trust me when i say i’ll protect you three with my life?”, he says as he got your free palm, the one with your wedding ring in it, and placed it on his chest where his heart lies.

you didn’t know if it’s the hormones messing with you, or if it’s the way you feel relieved at his words, and his umber eyes locked on you with that steadiness that mirrored his pulse.

your eyes watered, leaning closer towards the safety of your husband of five years. you didn’t want to let go, so you nodded, burying your face on his uniform.

he held you as you silently soaked his shirt with your tears. but he doesn’t mind it, he never did.

he meant every word he said.

and may god help the people who’ll try to take his woman and his girls away from him.

kozume, that time, was outside of the classroom chasing frantically at his pokemon cards kuroo threw outside for him to catch.

“please, can you just— can you help me hide this?”, kuroo slammed the switch (with care) at your desk, while you were already slinging your backpack at your shoulder, about to head to the cafeteria.

you were a bit taller than him at that time, and seeing him bouncing nervously on his feet, eyeing the door like kozume would kick it down any second now and commit murder.

you weren’t sure at first what’s going on, and it clicked. you didn’t know if you really should, but your body moved before your mind registered it.

your fingertips almost brushed his shaking hands as you got the switch from him, hiding it in the pocket of your bag between the thick sheets of balanced chemical reactions you worked through ‘til midnight.

he didn’t seem to notice.

and you cancelled whatever plan you had just to go along with his.

the next time you see kuroo tetsurō after kozume saw the faint outline of his nintendo in your bag that day—which thankfully, he didn’t kill you, but glared at kuroo so hard, he left your classroom—was when you passed by him at the school gates.

he was with his best friend again, throwing a volleyball at his direction, but kozume wasn’t amused at all. in fact, he looks tired.

you have seen the announcements.

kozume kenma always mentioned for attendance but always marked excused because of volleyball trainings, cheer team already practicing chants, and gymnasium always unavailable for PE because it’s being used by clubs, leading to you guys doing jumping jacks and squats in your cramped classroom like crazies.

you see kuroo look your way, but when you tried to raise your hand to wave at him, unsure, his eyes went the other way like he didn’t see you too.

he kept speaking to kozume.

okay, perhaps he didn’t see you.

it’s not like you were bothered by it. no, you were, but you weren’t in the place to be.

kuroo is your senior, a grade above you. maybe that time he asked you to play along was just because you were the nearest. the convenient option.

you clutched your chest. why does it feel like a bag of slabs weigh on it?

but deep down, you knew, and it’s more the reason you denied it—

—all because that little crush you had hurt you more than you admit.

yua and aki has been begging you since last week to tutor them for that english test they failed. they have to pass the required remedial so they could continue acting their roles in the theatre club they’re both part in.

they are attached to both your arms, wiping their fake tears on your sleeve as you three walked through the hallways.

“i told you to study the reviewers i gave”, you scolded like a tired nanny as you dragged their limping bodies through the floor. you almost tripped when aki caught her uniform blouse on a locker knob.

“GUYS!”, you exclaimed as they finally let you go, giggling, and you had to furiously wipe their smudged foundation and eyeliner on your pristine blouse with your handkerchief you got from your pocket like it’s going to remove the stain. “YOU KNOW THIS STAINS ARE HARD TO REMOVE— UGH!”

your bestfriends, if you can still call those menaces that, started walking towards you again making those freaky expressions that sent a shiver down your spine.

you started walking backwards away from them.

“nope, stay back”, you warned. “i’m not spending three hours scrubbing more stains off of this blouse”.

they were laughing, still walking towards you and you away from them. you flipped them off, and they stuck out their tongues.

your feet continued to make you back away from them, running backwards you didn’t see some people on the hallway avoiding you colliding to them.

but then, you bumped to a hard wall—well, more like a chest.

“woah, woah”, you hear him say. you were startled you stepped on his shoes, and sent you stumbling on your own, trying to find your footing.

your ankle twisted slightly, and the next thing you knew, the world spun and your sides ache. you had to regain your vision from blurring for a while. you winced as you tried to get up.

“OH MY G— NO!”, you recognize yua and aki’s voices simultaneously calling for your name from a distance. you turned your head, trying to find where they were, but you got so dizzy you can’t even see them.

“hey, you okay?”

a deep voice pulled you out of your haze.

“um, yeah, i’m— i’m fine—“, you replied weakly, though your body doesn’t cooperate.

“does it hurt?”, that voice asked again. you feel his warm palm rubbing circles on your arm ghostly, like he’s trying to test if you’ll flinch or push him away.

but you didn’t.

you see a hand reaching out towards you. “here, let me help you”.

your body moved on its own as you took his hand. he pulled you up quickly, but stopped when you let out a low sound of pain. you sat up, still on the cold cement.

it hurts everywhere, but your vision started getting less foggy. you rubbed your eyes, and see a tall man crouching in front of you.

the first thing you saw was his cat-like eyes, similar to that one person you knew so well.

wait—

“kuroo-san?”, you blurted out, shocked.

you can see him clearly now, him rubbing his neck. he offered his hand again, and you hesitate before taking it, and he pulled you up to your feet.

you were standing now, kuroo steadying you by your shoulders. you see everyone’s eyes on the both of you as they watched, but somehow yours went back to him.

kuroo put a finger up in front of your face. “follow this”, he tells you as he moves his index finger, and you did.

seeing you responsive, kuroo grinned down at you. “good, no concussions”.

apparently, he’s taller now, a little taller than you.

how did he get so tall?, you asked yourself. months back, his forehead’s the level of the bridge of your nose, but now, your hairline’s the same height as his lower lip.

“sorry about that, i wasn’t looking”, you hear kuroo gently say. you realized you have just been staring at him and being silent the whole time. god, you were a weirdo.

you shake your head. “no, no! it’s alright”, you reassured.

“are you sure?”, kuroo searched your face for signs of you lying, but there wasn’t any. “i could take you to the clinic…”

your hand is already on fire as you realized he pulled you up earlier, and held your shoulders to help you regain your balance from falling.

“i— it’s alright— i’m okay!”, you prayed he couldn’t see the slight blush on your face. “i am fine. see?”

you even demonstrated jumping jacks like someone possessed just so he would believe you. but it ended badly as your rib decided to humiliate you, punching the air out of your body.

you stopped jumping mid-way.

kuroo blinked, then let out a short chuckle. “okay, i get it”, he tells you with a wide smile on his face. “just tell me though, i could pay for damages in case you change your mind”.

you only nodded, your cheeks burned brighter as you registered the fact that you just did an exercise, in front of kuroo tetsurō, and then backfire because you were NOT fine at all.

kuroo turned to leave. “see ya!”

you didn’t look back at him as embarrassment flooded your veins. what the hell did you just do?

meanwhile, two bodies encased you with their arms tightly, squealing so loud it hurts your ears.

“OH MY GOSH, kuroo-san?!?”, yua shook you by your shoulders.

“girl, you were like a princess in distress!”, aki smacked your shoulders, jumping slightly on her feet.

you felt a migraine form in the back of your eyes. you hid the fact that your heart is racing, and you pushed them away playfully. “really? that’s what you’re concerned about?”, you rolled your eyes at them. “i think you forget you’re the one who caused this”.

yua and ako pretended to not hear you as they continue chatting your ear off about shipping you and “kuroo-san”. you denied it the second time, but you can’t mistake the uncontrollable beating of your heartbeat.

you never stopped seeing kuroo after that day, like fate is torturing you and reminding you of your shame. you frequently pass by him in the hallways, in the cafeteria, in your bus stops.

it’s like he’s a ghost and he’s haunting you.

you convince yourself you notice him more and more just because your friends kept teasing you about him every second you breathe. but gosh, it wasn’t like back then.

kuroo always looks at you intentionally now. sometimes he waves when you’re too far from each other, sometimes he says hi. but mostly, he asks if you’re doing okay from the incident.

you don’t dislike it, per se, but what bothers you is how you stutter back greetings at him when in fact you’ve always been delivering academic speeches in front of crowds without any errors.

but towards him? your heart starts doing irrational things you’ve never done ever.

you were someone competent, someone composed. not this nervous of a mess kuroo turned you in.

sports have always been boring to you. you never watch them, only because you think your time can be spent on other stuff.

maybe it’s another “kuroo effect”, as you call it, but you find yourself watching one of his practice matches with your friends who decided they have crushes on yaku and another player you didn’t recognize. you had to hold their mouths shut from cheering too loud.

you don’t get the mechanics of volleyball, but from what you observe and from what yua tells you, the ball must not drop from their side of court.

seeing kuroo play so passionately, scoring for their team, cheers bubble from your throat too. but you suppress it from coming out.

from that day on, whenever you have time, you spend your afternoons watching drills, sitting on the corner of the gym bleachers before going home. your eyes are always on him, always admiring him from afar.

you always leave before his match ends.

you didn’t want to impose or make it seem like you’re stalking kuroo. he never approaches you either and you understand. he’s busy.

but sometimes kuroo does see you, and he nods with that little crinkle in the corner of his eyes. you smile back, but you tell yourself you’re just being polite, even if your fingers tingle in your skirt pocket.

the last time you really talked to kuroo was that time you bumped on him and he helped you up. deep down, you wanted to, but you decided against it anyway.

before you know it, a new school year has started. you were a step closer to your dreams, but the person who’s been appearing in your dreams every night is a step away further from you.

you heard kuroo has graduated from middle school, but you never knew what school he went. the first time you realized you might not see him again had your heart lurching inside your chest. tokyo is a big city. you weren’t even sure if he still stayed in tokyo. he could have moved anywhere.

you never told yua and aki. they didn’t need to know the small crush you had. you laughed with them, you joked, you ate a lot.

they never noticed.

that night, your diary which has been unopened for years is now filled with your illegible handwriting, contrasting your usually neat and organized scribbles.

you didn’t think that time, just wrote and wrote and wrote ‘til your hand cramped. you wrote about the supposed crush you had, and how it hurt more than it should.

you don’t cry. you don’t scream or shout.

you closed your eyes and opened them. your fingertips touched the corner of your dusty diary, rereading the last line of the entry you wrote:

i should’ve told you that you mean so much more to me than i tell myself.

you didn’t know you could juggle multiple activities with the procrastination problem you had. you have been elected as the student council’s secretary of your middle school, the representative for regional math olympiads, and an associate editor for your school paper.

safe to say, your excessive volunteering cured it.

back then, you thought to yourself you couldn’t do it. but recounting on the tasks you finished in just a day—writing two feature articles about the ongoing construction of the new building, created minutes, and reviewed a page of practice problems—but you did anyway.

aki and yua have been really supportive, texting you to remind that you need to eat and hydrate, and sending you notes on missed lectures, sometimes gossips.

you’ve been busy. and it’s the best time of your life.

and you have buried kuroo under paperworks, computation sheets, and article drafts.

nekoma is your first option for high school since you were given a loyalty scholarship for studying in their middle school.

it was hard to let your jobs and titles that have been part of your life for a year go, but as you were flipping through your medals and certificates, you realize it’s time to prioritize something else which is college admissions in your third year.

yua and aki were still with you, and as you three celebrated your first day of high school as freshmen, you went to the gymnasium to watch volleyball. it’s been a while since you guys went to a match since you all have been busy with school.

you’re hugging your lay’s on your chest, and holding sprite on your other hand. you’re lightly scolding aki about her having a crush on one of her teachers, and yua ushering you both to walk faster because seats are being occupied fast.

you overheard nekoma volleyball club is going up against another school for their practice, everyone wanted to watch.

you, aki, and yua have already sat in the middle rows, chatting loudly over the noise.

your eyes scanned the red and white jerseys of your school’s team to get to know them by their faces. you won’t admit it but a part of your heart still searches for him after all this time.

that your heart still clings to the hope that maybe you’d see him again.

and maybe, it wasn’t so bad to wish for the impossible.

your eyes widened.

there, talking with what seems to be their coach was kuroo tetsurō. you know him, you can’t forget that face. that confident smirk, that bedhead.

god, he grew so much taller. much broader.

and from the distance, you can see he matured lots. your heart dropped and leapt at the same time as you try to take him in, drowning out your friends’ voices, and the crowd’s noise.

he was here, he was really here.

and you? finally allowed yourself to feel.

you never stayed quiet anymore, you cheered, you screamed, you went along with the chants with your friends.

you looked ridiculous and you didn’t care. you watched him play, and somehow, you can’t deny within yourself feeling pride in your chest for him anymore.

you can’t deny within yourself that you were falling harder for him than you should.

and this time, you never pushed it away.

you don’t know if it’s the relief that you saw familiar faces in your new school aside from your friends.

you were flushed, and your hands are still shaking at the adrenaline of watching the game and cheering every time they land the ball on the opposing team’s court.

everyone has started leaving the gym to go back to their homes. you can hear them talking about the match of nekoma and fukurodani. some are even playfully arguing on who’s the better team.

from beside you, yua’s stomach growled audibly.

she stopped walking. “you didn’t hear that”.

“but i did”, you giggled.

aki on your other side has already started pointing to a stall just a few meters away. she linked your arms with hers. “i want takoyaki”.

“takoyaki?”, yua exclaimed so loud, some heads turn to you three. “you hate takoyaki”.

aki only winked. “what can i say? i evolve and adapt”.

you dragged a hand down your face, so done with the antics of these two. “you got a perfect mark on the theory of evolution and you suddenly say stuff like that”.

aki flipped you off as she dragged yua to the vendor anyway, muttering under her breath about fake friends and killjoys.

you held the strap of your handbag as you waited for them. you’ve never eaten those. you have developed that fear from that one day back when you were eight years old you couldn’t breathe after eating an octopus tentacle.

you stood outside the gymnasium, fiddling with your brand new flip phone, smiling widely because the thrill of the match hasn’t worn off yet.

someone tapped you from behind.

“excuse me, miss—“

you turned your head over your shoulder and see the person you’ve been eyeing and thinking about since then. your lips parted.

kuroo tetsurō.

he looks equally as shocked as you.

that smirk you knew from him faltered a bit, and your smile turned into a shy one.

“oh wow. hey there”, kuroo laughed in disbelief, probably at the coincidence of it. “you go here too?”

“yeah”, you softly said, suddenly feeling conscious on how you look. your hair was surely sticking out on different directions, and your uniform askew from all the jumping you did.

you cleared your throat, looking everywhere but him. “i’m— uh, i didn’t know you go here too, k— kuroo-san”.

it’s the first time you blurted his name out loud again, and it feels so right, but your mind tells you it shouldn’t.

when you looked up, kuroo is smirking down at you. “yeah”, he slings his jacket over his shoulder. “guess we both needed the scholarship huh, sec?”

that title. how did he know?

you haven’t heard it since the summer break you graduated. your cheeks heated up. your hands went to hold them unconsciously, like you’re trying to hide it from him.

god, you hate how he still has that effect on you.

the silence hung between the both of you. you didn’t trust yourself to respond, because you might embarrass yourself like you did back then.

“so”, kuroo’s eyes darted in the direction where his teammates were waiting for him for their afterparty. “you wanna go eat?”

the breath got knocked out of your lungs. is he asking you out?

he seemed to notice.

he smirks teasingly, but his voice is kind. “i didn’t mean that way”, he clarifies for you, and you had to stop yourself from saying out loud that you hoped he meant it that way.

“i meant to invite you since, you know, celebrate our victory after the game”, kuroo observes you with that glint on his eyes, but you didn’t see. “don’t worry, it’s my treat”.

you bit your lip, and you forced to straighten your back to look back at him. “thank you for the invitation, kuroo-san”, you held your bag closer to your chest. “but i don’t want to bother you or your teammates. they don’t know me after all”.

kuroo tilts his head, like he’s confused at the same time. “i promise you won’t, they’re kind. they won’t eat you alive”.

your knees wobble beneath you, not because of the reassurance, but because he asks you to come, and also insists you to come.

did he really want you to?

you internally shook your head. he couldn’t, he wouldn’t.

it’s just a polite gesture, you tell yourself.

maybe he’s just a good senpai trying to make his junior feel welcome at her new school. maybe he’s trying not to make things awkward.

and you were getting ahead of yourself thinking that it’s something else entirely. you may have watched him, and finally admitted to yourself that you like him more than a crush, but now, maybe it’s just a delusion you had.

you smiled politely at him, one that doesn’t reach your eyes. “i got plans too, kuroo-san. but thank you, and congratulations on your win”.

you turned on your heel, and you didn’t stay to hear his reply. you were suffocating from your feelings, and from your heart threatening to burst out of your ribs.

but what you didn’t see was kuroo’s feet staying glued to its spot where he talked to you, watching your back as you walk away from him.

you didn’t see his smirk falter, and how his hand flew to his chest to hold it.

you didn’t see him watching your smile as you playfully hit your friends while eating with them.

you didn’t hear how his friends asked what’s wrong with him because he was quieter than usual that night.

the next time you meet kuroo was when you passed by him looking for vacant seats in the cafeteria. you’re holding your silver tray on your one hand, and a cup of steaming broth on the other.

it’s burning your hand so bad, but everyone has already filled the seats with their own circles.

“mannnn”, yua whined, her lips forming to a pout. “all the seats are taken”.

aki sighed, glaring at yua. “you spent like, fifteen minutes redoing your eyeliner”.

“excuse me? i did our eyeliner!”

you stood between them before they start pulling each other’s hairs out. “guys, it’s okay”, your eyes scanned the room, looking for a group that’s already finished their lunch. unfortunately, everyone is still occupied in gossiping and giggling even after their trays are already empty.

you can’t take your trays back to your classrooms either, the policies don’t allow it.

you adjusted your grip on the cup, also making sure the sloshing broth doesn’t spill on you, trying your best to not let yourself be scalded any longer.

aki and yua were holding their own hot cups, so you can’t ask them to hold it for you.

“let’s have our lunches packed instead”, you tell your friends, and they nodded back at you, walking back the cafeteria counter with the longest line you’ve ever seen.

“hey, sec!”, you heard someone call you from the distance. you looked over your shoulder, and you see kuroo jogging towards you with the biggest smirk on his face.

“oh my gosh! he goes here too?”, yua gasped dramatically, squinting her eyes at you then back to your senior. “what a coincidence!”

aki gawked and nudged you with her elbow. “girl”, she whispered harshly. “i think fate brought you two back together”.

you scoffed at that idea, but your toes curled inside your socks. “don’t be ridiculous”.

kuroo inclined his head. “hey girls”, he greets smoothly, then his eyes found yours. “been standing for a while there, need some seats?”

embarrassment bubbled in your throat and you stepped slightly forward. “thank you, but—“

your friends though, aki and yua nodded furiously at the tall man. “yes please!”

you bit back a glare, letting out a strained smile.

kuroo’s ears perked at your friends’ bluntness, amused. “is that so?”, his stare stayed on you, pocketing his hands. “well, we have some extra space”.

aki has walked ahead that instant she saw where kuroo was pointing. yua followed, and looked back at you with that worried gaze. “call me”, she mouthed, and you nodded once.

“i’m sorry about them”, you looked down at your tray, your food gone cold. “they’re—“

“don’t worry about it”, he smiles genuinely now, his smirk gone. “you sure worry a lot”.

your head snapped up to him.

he wordlessly took the hot cup from you, surprising you even more.

his hand grazed yours.

he must’ve felt you tensed up, because his palm lingered, watching you carefully.

“i— um—“, your heart couldn’t take it, and you retracted your hand away. you brushed past him, and walked briskly to where aki has already finished half her food, and yua eyeing you, picking her lunch.

kuroo arrived at the table a while later, placing your broth beside your tray. you muttered a thank you, not really noticing the way he nervously looked at your figure.

you don’t know how the hell aki has made kuroo and his friends her friends already. she’s talking about teachers she find attractive, asking them (since they’re second years) if they’re any good, and are generous in giving out grades.

yua has her hand on your knee as you both eat, occasionally shoving onigiri inside aki’s throat when she sometimes crosses a line or she curses.

the only first year in that table like you three, kozume kenma, stared at you, tilting his head.

“it’s you”, he muttered, but everyone else heard. people knew he doesn’t speak much so everyone practically flinched. even kuroo did.

“you’re the one who conspired with kuroo”.

you stopped chewing, and tilted your head. your eyes flash with recognition, his black hair now dyed with blonde halfway the strands.

“kozume-kun?”

“you know him?”, aki looked at you, then back at kenma, while yua raised a brow.

you were about to speak when kuroo beat you to it. “oh yeah, we stole kenma’s switch back in middle school”.

yaku, hearing this, almost spat out his tea. “excuse me?”, he coughed. “you stole kenma’s switch?”

kai who’s sitting between yaku and kuroo, patted yaku’s back. he chuckled quietly. “how is that even possible?”

kuroo’s face relaxed as he looked back at you. your hand twitched on your chopsticks. don’t smile at him, don’t smile at him, don’t—

you can’t help but let out a giggle at the memory. “yeah”, you shyly tucked a hair behind your ear. “we managed to”.

“holy fuck!”, yaku suddenly stood up, his chair scraping on the floor and pointed at you. “you are amazing, what’s your name?”

“l/n y/n”, you put a hand to your chest. you pointed at your friends who are still gawking at you. “and my friends, yua, and aki”.

kai reached out his hand and shook yours across the table. “this is yaku, and i’m kai”, he tells you. “i guess you know kuroo and kenma already”.

yaku sat back down, eyeing you and kuroo. “you have to tell us the story, ‘cos holy shit i don’t believe it”.

aki raised her hand. “agree, you have to tell us!”

yua rubbed circles on your thigh. “i wanna hear it too”.

kuroo crossed his arms and smirked down at yaku. “you don’t believe how good i am?”, he snickers. “just because you failed to do it, doesn’t mean i will too”.

“HUH?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?”, yaku collared kuroo, and kai had to hold them down, apologetically looking at you three.

“you sure you wanna be friends with us?”, kenma finally sighed like it’s an ordinary day. “you’ll be dealing with these morons everyday”.

when kuroo’s stare found yours while yaku was screaming at his ear, and yua and aki are fawning over kenma’s hair, you find yourself looking back.

and you never looked away.

being friends with kuroo’s circle gave you some mutual benefits. they reserve front seats for you, aki, and yua in their games, and you agree to drag kenma to practices like you’re his older sister.

lunch with them are almost every day. yaku always manages to find seats for all of you because apparently he knows how to argue with people according to kuroo and kai.

for a year, kuroo has treated you well. you’d say he treats you like you’re his girlfriend, but you don’t try to create meaning into it.

you notice kuroo always sitting across you in tables. he always offers to carry you and your friends’ trays. he always asks you if you’re cold or you’re hot.

he even compliments you, not the usual ways like “you’re pretty”, instead he tells you honestly how he admires how you balance your time, and how you barely fail your tests.

and your heart? appreciates it more than it should.

they are now third years, and you, kenma, aki and yua are now second years.

yaku, kai, and kuroo have been talking about college options at lunch. you helped weigh them, because in yua’s words and absolute bluntness, “her life is already planned and set”.

you told them about scholarships abroad. kenma only comments, playing his psp, “they’re too much of an idiots to qualify for it”.

you suggested tokyo, waseda and tohoku as top universities locally, but you still insist they try on overseas. among the three of them, yaku’s actually the only one considering it, while kuroo and kai has already decided on tokyo u, but the former on business marketing, and the latter on agricultural studies.

but as the third years left the table with kenma, your eyes followed kuroo’s back. he’s graduating soon, and it took you back in middle school when you just watched him from afar in months.

before you knew it, he was gone.

that night, you barely got any sleep. you need to be up early tomorrow, yet you keep debating yourself if you’re going to confess your feelings to him.

would it be better if you just kept it to yourself like you did back then?

would it be better if you let him go wordlessly?

that moment happens on just an ordinary day.

it was raining heavily in tokyo, and you woke up late. you stayed up ‘til two a.m. arguing with yourself.

you were already boarded on the train when you realized you forgot your coat and your umbrella. on a rainy day. goodness gracious.

you’re soaked when you arrive at your classroom. you were shivering. thankfully, aki was your savior, lending you her rain jacket.

“thank you”, you leaned forward at the back of her chair, and whispered. aki gave you that goofy kiss in the air as she turned back to her seat work.

you returned it to her on lunch time because she will buy your lunch with yua outside. you wanted to borrow it again before dismissal because your house is farther than hers.

although, it left your mind.

you only realized it when yua and aki has went ahead to go home, and you still had some club works. you had ran from the school gates to the bus stop. now you, your bag, and your shoes til your socks are dripping wet from the rain.

you rubbed your hands together for heat. you’ve been waiting for over twenty minutes now, the bus that passes your street is either already filled, or none is passing by.

your eyes started watering, your lips already turning pale purple.

you just wanted to go home.

but it seems you’re not alone.

you hear the splash of shoes against shallow puddles from behind you. you didn’t look up immediately as you were wiping your tears with your thumb.

“you’re going to catch a cold”.

you lifted your head and see kuroo standing before you, his bag lazily slung on his shoulder. his smirk is nowhere to be found.

“h— hey”, you probably looked pathetic right now, and you hastily wiped the combined rain drops and hot tears from your face to save yourself some ounce of dignity.

he steps closer to you. you finally see him, his bedhead ruined in all the good ways, and his jacket unzipped. “i thought you already went home”.

you sniffle, wiping your snot with your wet handkerchief, making it worse. “yua and aki went ahead, had to finish some org works”, you reply in the smallest voice that made kuroo’s brows crease together. “and— uh, buses are— the buses are not cooperating”.

he didn’t say anything else.

you both watch the rain fall from the bus stop shed. you see cars wiping their windshields. you see people pass by. minutes stretch the silence between you two.

you hug your bag closer to your chest. you’re cold, but not shivering anymore. “what about you?”, you broke the quiet. “why are you not home yet?”

kuroo didn’t answer you.

instead, you see the muscle of his jaw clench as he stared straight ahead.

“do you remember”, he says suddenly. “when you discussed college admissions with us?”

“yeah”, you reply.

“do you really think that universities abroad are the best option?”, his throat bobbed as he tried to get his voice to be casual. like what he’s asking doesn’t matter.

you tilted your head, but answered anyway. “i think… it depends on your decision, and the things you have to sacrifice and leave behind”.

you didn’t know it, but your words landed heavier than you expect them to be for him.

kuroo finally faces you this time.

he huffs a laughter, but there was no humor in it. “it’s just— god, i just realized i’m graduating, and i—”, he runs a finger through his hair. “everyone’s talking about futures, you know? yaku and kai have already decided if they want to leave or not, and i—“

he cuts himself off.

your hands went to your sides. “i thought you already decided”, your eyes softened. your hand carefully reached out to try and hold him. you expected he pull away, but he doesn’t. your fingertips caressed his sleeve. “i was like this once, i didn’t know what my future holds, but look, i’m fine—“

“—that’s not what i was talking about”, kuroo whispered to you.

your hand froze against his sleeve. your lips parted to say something but he spoke first.

“i kept— i kept thinking i already had my life planned”, his voice cracked, like there’s something in him too tired to hold his feelings together. “college, volleyball, graduate and get a stable job, but every time i picture that life for me, i don’t see what i wanna see”.

“what is it you want to see?”, you feel like you have finally overstepped, but gosh, something in your heart tells you that maybe he feels the same way. that’s why you ask.

you want your hope to get crushed, you want to move on and finally let go.

but he’s not letting you.

“you”.

your breath hitched. “what?”

“i know, i know that it’s not the right time, i know—”, kuroo let out a scoff at himself, hiding the fact his lip trembled. “we’re stuck here, we’re soaking, and our buses seem to be not arriving soon”.

you can’t breathe. “i—“

“you don’t have to answer it”, he reassures you. “i didn’t mean it like that— i mean i did, not to ask you to like me back, but i—“,

his voice grew quieter. “but i just couldn’t keep pretending i feel nothing when i sit across you in lunch. when you say something so smart it stabs me, when you manage to appear in our games in your busy schedule. i just— i— i needed to tell you”.

silence hung between you two.

kuroo’s tight smile disappeared at your lack of response. “i’m sorry”, he tells you, about to turn on his heel.

“i guess we’re both idiots after all”, your fingers tightened on his sleeve.

his feet stopped mid-step.

“last night, i stayed up late thinking if i should do the same”, you shyly tell him, feeling your chest hurt at the best and the absolute worst way. “that i should tell you what i feel too”.

kuroo’s head snapped at you over his shoulder. “what?”

“i spent years convincing myself to not feel for you”, you confessed. “that maybe it’s wrong, that maybe it’s easier”.

kuroo’s body finally turned toward you, your hand still holding him.

“and guess what, it’s not”, you whisper.

your heartbeat thumped in your ears. silence fell again, but this time, you stared at each other with that heaviness that wasn’t so bad at all.

“…so”, kuroo carefully spoke. you can hear hope lacing his voice. “so does it mean…”

“yeah”, you answered with that lightness in your tone. “it does”.

his hand went to your wrist gently. “yeah?”

you shakily exhale, and smile up at him. “yeah”.

he smiled back, faint but the happiest you had seen with him. “then, can i walk you home?”, he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around you.

for a second, neither of you moves. neither of you looks at the bus that finally pulled up in front of you. neither of you heard the pouring rain anymore.

your fingers interlace with his. “i’d like that”.

your diary filled with dust and pages that turned yellow better prepare for your messy handwriting that dents the other pages.

because now, you were falling harder. more than you should.

and you know he feels the same.

you brushed a stray noodle on kuroo’s lip with a tissue. his hand squeezed your palm on his, as if thanking you.

you smile, picking up your chopsticks when kenma and aki gagged audibly on the other table. “get a room”, aki scrunched her nose. “i swear”.

kenma just turns his chair so he’s facing the other direction where he can’t see you. yua giggles quietly, slurping her noodles. inuoka is giving her extra char shu slices from his bowl, and yua smiles at him with a light blush on her face.

kai is on the counter with fukunaga and lev, ordering extra fried gyoza like they’re eating for ten people.

it was the celebratory party after their national volleyball tournament where they lost to karasuno. you were there, and you watched kuroo with that pride swimming in your eyes as his dream of The Battle of the Trash Heap finally happened.

they lost.

he found you waiting for him after the game, and he hugged you. your lips brushed his ear as you whispered how proud you are of him and how amazing he did at that game.

he never showed it, but you felt something trickle through the back of your blouse. you didn’t know if it was his sweat, or his tears. you wrapped your arms around him even tighter.

you never asked about the faint marks from the corner of his eye trailing down to his cheek.

you never asked why he was the one who never broke down in front of his crying teammates. you never let go of his hand, offering him the strength he maybe needed.

it was an eat all you can ramen place coach nekomata rented for the whole team, the owner a friend of his.

akane and alisa are giggling on the table about some bad shots they got from the players on the match, holding their digicams in their hands. “you gotta have them printed and give it to us”, yaku chewed as he spoke. “i better look good in those”.

kuroo plastered his signature smirk. “bet you don’t”.

yaku threw a slice of narutomaki at his direction.

yamamoto slammed his bowl down, glaring at you and kuroo the whole time. “y/n-san, why do you even like captain, huh?”, playful envy dripping from his tone.

you sipped the broth, wiggling your eyebrows together as kuroo removed his hand on your leg to put it around the back of your chair. you leaned on it.

yaku looked up from his chirirenge and pointed. “YEAH! he’s bullying me, l/n! don’t you see he’s a jerk?”

kenma muttered from the side. “agreed”.

kuroo’s lip curled, fake pouting. “i hate you all!”

you put a hand on top of his on the table. “come on guys”, you rubbed circles on his knuckles. “tetsurō’s such a great captain, give him some break”.

his teammates were about to protest again, but you placed a finger on your lips, shushing them. “i started watching volleyball because of tetsurō”, you grinned at the memory. “he’s so good i got hooked on it”.

yua’s in awe. “that’s so cute— wait, LOOK AT HIM”, she suddenly exclaimed.

everyone’s heads turned to look at kuroo, and you did too.

kuroo tetsurō—the man who can make freshmen (you’re guilty) shake in their boots, and squeal like banshees—is blushing so madly you think he might pass out.

“are you okay?”, you worriedly touched his cheek, and he suddenly stammers which is so unlikely for him to do.

“i—“, he tries to speak, but just shuts up when he realized he couldn’t form a word.

everyone is laughing. yaku is face palming so hard, yamamoto calls kuroo “downbad”, everyone else is just smiling for you and him.

after a while, when they returned to their own businesses, kuroo leaned down at you and whispered, “did you really mean that?”

another smile spread across your face. you shake your head no.

“more than that”, you whispered back.

you love him. more than you should, and you didn’t want to stop at all.

but that all changed when one day, the miya atsumu—the star setter—spreads to practically the whole inarizaki that he has a crush on someone in your class.

okay, that’s cool.

you didn’t think much about it.

but when the next day your classmates started staring at you longer than just a passing glance and whispered to everyone but you, you think something is wrong.

you only heard the news from your friends in the other classes that miya atsumu has a crush on you.

yeah, you.

you laughed it off at first. you think it’s fake news. that someone out there has the same name as yours.

your friends had to slap you literally to bring you back to the reality you have to face.

and quite frankly? you are embarrassed for him.

you mean, that outstanding athlete who brings recognition to your school every national tournaments? the one who attends training camps? the one being scouted this early by national teams?

you mean, he has a crush on you? it’s ridiculous.

he’s making your life worse because he talks about you the whole day. to his teammates, to your classmates, to the upper years who barely cares.

everyone is looking at you like you’re some sort of a god. suddenly, everyone is talking to you, but you can see through them. you know they’re wondering how atsumu likes you.

miya atsumu belongs to someone who shines as brightly as him. not to the likes of you.

the one time you confronted him privately, his smirk is something you wanna punch off of his face. you hate him. you barely know him, but you hate him.

you hate his guts, you hate how handsome he actually is, that stupid dyed blonde hair of his, and his mouth that runs endlessly about how he likes you.

you thought he’s playing with you. but when he keeps telling everyone you caught his eye on just a random day and he has liked you since then, you just gave it up.

it annoys you that he’s actually not half bad. he’s tolerable and honest. he’s… likable.

so when he starts telling you ridiculous things like you look nice one day, and how smart you actually are, you stopped saying that he could probably find someone better because he’ll just say he doesn’t want anyone else.

you just believed him.

you knew atsumu would never lie at you. he’s too honest. too talkative.

he never beat around the bush either. he tells you straightforwardly with a blush on his face a time, a meeting place and a date, and he’d pick you up.

no teasing, no jokes, just genuine intention coming off of this man.

and maybe, that’s what made you change your mind.

that he can’t keep secrets. that he’ll tell you when you did something that hurt him. that he’ll ask you your ring size. that he’ll ask you to marry him.

miya atsumu is loud, blunt, and annoying.

and it’s the greatest thing you could ask for.

your stomach grumbled first as you walked beside the tall figure of tadashi.

you two had never held hands before. not because you don’t like it, but because he always insists his palms are clammy all the time. you didn’t mind, of course, but it’s tadashi who refuses to. over time, you’ve grown used to it.

“let’s eat”, he tells you, and you nodded.

you skipped a step as a thought crossed your mind. you grinned wide, staring at the nightsky. “how about some nuggets?”

you look at tadashi beside you searching for his pockets for his wallet, as you two continued walking. his fingers dug down, and the coins clinked together, seemingly searching for something.

“what is it, tadashi?”, you ask. tadashi frantically shoved his wallet back to his pocket as a shy blush spread across his face. you smiled up at him, but when he faced you fully, his eyes are downcast. he can’t even look you in the eye.

he stops walking, and you did too.

“i… i spent— i spent my money on the v— volleyball club contributions…”, he honestly tells you, but it was so quiet you barely heard it.

you searched his face, your eyes softening.

your sweet boy. fussing over something that small.

you knew he has a training camp after your exams. you knew he’s the one who compensates for the team members who can’t pay, and never asks for anything back.

your sweet tadashi.

you reached out and took his hand, interlacing your fingers with his calloused ones. tadashi looks at you in shock.

“tadashi, i know”, you rubbed circles on the back of his hand to reassure him. “you told me, remember?”

and even in the dimly lit surroundings, you see tadashi’s forest green eyes glisten. he shook his head lightly. “n— no. you— you have been telling me y— you’ve been craving them since last month”.

your heart skipped a beat. god, he remembers? you told him that back then when you were watching their game, and you randomly screamed “i’m craving nuggets!” to tadashi when he landed three serves in a row, and additionally, you also screamed he has to treat you to that nuggets and fries place when he loses. that time, their team did lost.

“tadashi, that was back then”.

“but—“

you cut him off by starting to walk again, your hands still in his. tadashi bites his lip as his face turned beet red. you never pointed it out. you never did because you knew he’d get more flustered.

you were always so understanding with him.

you gently dragged him past the school grounds. a few minutes later, tadashi finds him and you seated on a 24/7 shokudo near your dorms.

tadashi has always been conscious how you’d feel if you held his cold and sweaty hands, but you never said anything about it. you have long let go of his hand since you entered the eatery, and he won’t admit it, but he missed the warmth of your palm.

he never failed to notice how you ordered a side plate of fries for him, even if your meals are literally noodles.

the dinner was a blur. it’s 10 pm, and you were yawning as you strode to your dorms. you didn’t take tadashi’s hand for the second time, and his right hand twitched. he wished you did.

that image of you blowing your soup earlier—it didn’t leave yamaguchi tadashi’s mind.

you have always looked beautiful. even when you’re exhausted, even when you stuff your face with food, even when you almost tripped on a rock while walking sleepily.

god, he has never even complimented you out loud.

he’s too shy for that.

he thought liking your pictures in social media is enough. but now, he has a need to tuck your hair behind your ear, and tell you you’re beautiful.

you, who has always doubted everything that is not cooked in your kitchen, ate cheap ramen with him on a small, cramped shokuda because he has no money.

you, who stayed with him for four years now despite him being a stammering mess, every minute.

you, who could’ve had a boyfriend that will never be afraid to proclaim your love by holding your hand in public.

you, who chose to stay and memorize his favorites even if you have lots of things on your mind.

it kills tadashi inside.

he suddenly stops walking. and you, who’s always been so gentle with him, asks. he knows you need your sleep. you will be waking up early again tomorrow.

“what’s wrong?”, you asked with that tired tone, but he knows it’s never directed to him. he wanted to let it go for tonight, but he feels that he needs to tell you his mind.

tadashi’s lips parted, for it to close again. you raised a brow.

he wanted to tell you he loves you so much it hurts, he wanted to tell you how beautiful you are, he wanted to thank you for being so understanding with him, he wanted to tell you he wanted to hold your hand again.

“i— uh— i— um—“, tadashi stuttered, and you never cut him off, letting him gather his thoughts.

BUT GOD, yamaguchi tadashi’s thoughts are a scattered mess. he doesn’t know what to do. but instead of blurting the truth out, the truth came out another way.

all you felt was soft lips against yours. and your eyes widened, realizing your shy boyfriend is kissing you. you can feel the inexperience but you’ll never tell him that, because your heart lightened at the fact he’s finally opening up to you.

you closed your eyes and kissed back. your hand cupped his cheek. never in your life you imagined he’d kiss you first. but does that even matter?

he pulled away after a few seconds. and you feel it, his hands are shaking after holding your shoulders. you expected him to run away honestly.

but as he took deep breaths, his forehead rested against yours.

“tadashi?”

he sighed, and confessed the thing that will keep you going even several years after.

“i— i love you”.