x do or die, you'll never make me,

“I can’t be there for him!” Wes nearly yelled, pushing himself up from where he rested against Sydney. “He won’t let me, he doesn’t want to see me, Sydney. He’s being difficult, like he always is.” he cried hard now, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands. “And I don’t care… I don’t care how dark of a place he was in. I could have helped him. I could have made him feel better! Suicide shouldn’t have been his answer. Not when there’s people like me who love him… I just don’t understand it.”

“Just give it time.. He’s probably upset too, and he has his crazy parents to deal with on top of everything..” Sydney tried to calm Wes down, but she knew she was failing miserably. She quickly wiped her own tears away with her sleeve before continuing. “The only person who knows why he did it is him, Wes, but pushing him into talking to you isn’t going to help him or you. You need to be patient with him, and I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready to. Again, it’s not your fault, sweets. Even if you could have, he wouldn’t have let you. Sometimes the world is just unfair like that.”

Leaning himself against Sydney, Wes rested his head on her shoulder. “It’s not okay.” he said through a hiccup thanks to crying. “It’s not! He tried to kill himself, Sydney.” His words were followed by a strangled sob, turning his head to bury his face in her shoulder. “I don’t know why he didn’t just come to me. Talk to me about it all… I could have helped him… I just don’t get why he would resort to this. Why would someone want to just… die and leave us?”

“Because.. sometimes people get into a really dark place, and they can’t think straight anymore. They don’t see any other option than to..”, she paused as her voice started to break. What the hell was she even supposed to say to make Wesley feel better? “I.. I don’t think you could have done something to stop it, Wes... really. All you can do is be there for him now when he gets out of the hospital.”

“No, please.” Wesley spoke quick, hands reaching out in front of him as he walked further into the choir room. “I don’t want to be alone, honestly. And you’re the best person to have been sitting in here.” he confessed to her, moving closer to where she was sitting. This time he didn’t bother wasting time in trying to make it seem like he wasn’t crying, he just let his sniffles and tears go naturally as he sat in the seat beside her. 

Sydney put an arm around her brother and pulled him close to her, as she rubbed circles on his back with her other hand in attempt to calm him down. “It’s okay, Wes, it’s okay.. you can cry, or talk, or… whatever you wanna do. I’m here for you.” she whispered softly to him. Seeing Wesley cry made it impossible for her to keep her own tears in, and she just silently prayed that he didn’t look up to see it. Sydney wanted to be strong for him, even though she couldn’t remember the last time she felt as weak as she did right now.

Wes didn’t know why, but he found himself wandering to the choir room. The one that was supposed to serve as his own personal punishment lately. However, as much as he wouldn’t admit it, he found to place to have a certain calming effect. Especially considering the way everyone there had been treating Dante in light of recent events. Wesley would never say it out loud, but those people and that room was a good place to be in the time of a crisis. His face was wet with tears as he entered the room; caught off guard when he saw Sydney sitting there. “O-oh.” he mumbled, voice hoarse. “I.. I thought it would be empty in here.” He was quick to try to wipe at this eyes and get rid of his tears, even if it was just Sydney.

Sydney jumped up at the sound of Wesley’s voice. Her brother’s cheeks were stained with tears, and it made her heart hurt even more that it already did. It was a terrible thing that she had been hiding from him, and the last thing she wanted to do was to tell him to leave right now, even though she had wanted to be alone for a bit. “Oh...”, Sydney spoke softly. “Do you need me to leave or..?” she bit down on her bottom lip as she looked up at him, unsure of what to say or do. 

Wesley: He's got fucked up things going on, okay. It's not a stretch.

Wesley: ... you really think I should?

Wesley: NO! No, I don't wanna throw it away. I wanna just put it somewhere I won't see it every day...

Sydney: Having fucked up things going on is not a freepass to do fucked up things others.

Sydney: I don't know? What's the worst thing that could happen?

Wesley: Probably because he wants to be you or something...

Wesley: Yea well, tell him and his parents that! And no, I don't. I don't want better, I want him.

Wesley: :( Syd, can you help me get rid of his promise ring?

Sydney: One fucked up of way of showing that...

Sydney: Give it time and they will. Or go there and tell them yourself.

Wesley: Why is it such a god damn big deal? This is the exact reason he won't be with me! Because of things like that. Your gay yourself Sydney, for the love of god.

Wesley: .-. they won't. They're gonna force him to be straight. Probably talk him into marrying Vanessa or your girlfriend one day. And I'll be forgotten about.

Sydney: Yes, I'm gay. He bullied me every day for that. How could I possibly forget?

Wesley: ....

Wesley: .-.

Wesley: K.

Wesley: Yes. He and I were together. No. It's not that big of a deal. His parents are dumb christians and he's scared to upset them. Enough information to help it sink in?

Sydney: I didn't say it was that big of a deal... but it kinda is a big deal??? Dante is gay... wow... so many things make sense right now.

Wesley: Broke up! As in we were together, and in love, and he promised to be with me forever, and then he broke up with me! It's over! Finished!

Wesley: It's different this time, Syd. It's because his dumb annoying parents think that God messed up while making him which doesn't make any sense because why would God make him feel gay if he wasn't supposed to feel like that? Religion makes no sense and neither do those bigoted, backwards, trump voting, son-of-a-bitches.

Sydney: WAIT. WHAT? HOW? WHAT? SINCE WHEN?

Sydney: His parents made him break up with you? Wtf.

Wesley: They deserve all the hate! They suck! They made my heart hurt, and my head feel icky, and my eyes sting because tears. And I'm not okay :(

Wesley: He broke up with me, Sydney.

Wesley: His parents made him. He's gone. I don't understand...

Sydney: Oo-kay... that doesn't really make me understand what happened, Wes.

Sydney: Broke up? Like, he doesn't wanna be friends anymore?

Sydney: Hasn't he said that before? I'm sure he will change his mind again by tomorrow, like usual...

Wesley: I hate everything.

Wesley: I hate Christianity, I hate Christians, I hate the bible, I hate his parents, I hate him, I hate feelings sad, I hate crying, I hate god, I hate Jesus, I hate over masculinity, I hate homophobia, I hate it.

Wesley: :( I want a hug.

Sydney: That's a lot of hate for such a tiny person.

Sydney: So, what did Vasquez do this time?

Your buddy is gonna look like quite the odd one out among all of those guys… And maybe it’s just a case of actually teaching some old dog’s new tricks? They’re really not horrible people, Sydney. And while that certainly does not make up for what they’ve done to you at all, maybe they actually are trying? You could always be the bigger person and try to see past all that they’ve done. 

Yeaaa... I’m not entirely sure why he’s doing it either. Probably trying to prove a point or maybe he’s attempting to impress his fuckboy. Yes. Yes they are horrible people. I decide who I forgive and when I forgive them, not them, and so far they haven’t done anything to deserve my forgiveness. Being somewhat friendly just because your forced to by the principal and you don’t wanna lose your spot on the football team doesn’t count. ...Maybe I don’t care about being the better person, Grace.

You could take a page out of whatsherface’s book and try protesting it? Or getting it shut down? Because I do agree, it doesn’t add to McKinley’s rep in a good way. It’s kind of seeming that way, from what I’m hearing they’re already getting treated differently by some of your teammates. 

I don’t think that will help much, especially since everyone in glee club is all excited about it... or well, most of them are, at least. Lucas even agreed to be in it... And yea, it is. Harry is buddying up with Vasquez and rumor has it that Puckerman Jr. is sleeping around with Sasha of all people... But the rest of them seem to be also drinking their koolaid almost as much. Obviously they’re just trying to make it look like they care about us, just so Figgins will end their punishment. But I guess I’m just the only one who sees that...

As sad as it is to see guys who I thought were very self respecting degrade themselves for cash, it’s kinda their choice; Sydney. And, I mean, in our school - sex sells. You might as well utilize that while you can, right? Plus don’t look at the money as making up for stuff. Look at the exploiting them as it. 

Yea, of course it’s their choice. Doesn’t mean I have the like the fact that this calendar thing is connected to the glee club. I don’t doubt that it will, and I’m sure it will bring in a lot of money. But money doesn’t mean shit. And I seriously hope that them doing this doesn’t mean all is forgiven.. because it’s not. Not for me.