𝙩𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙞𝙡' 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙮

there was a part of her that didn’t want anyone to know about what had happened when she was on vacation. she had already dealt with her parents being over protective, and what was enough for her. but she couldn’t hide it from her friends.  it wasn’t like her to hide things from them. "i almost became lunch for a shark. that’s also why i didn’t come home on the day i was supposed to as well.”  taking the ice pack off of her cheek, she placed it on the counter before looking down to the floor for a moment before looking over at him.  "those other bars are just shit. no offense. they don’t take pride in what they sell. “ she added in.  "keep it up with the compliments and i might just show you the wine cellar here.” a small smile forming on her lips, she nuddged his arm playfully. “that would honestly be great. tell them to come over when ever they have time.”

                  arden knew the moment her parents mentioned a charity event , it would require her attendance  –  her attendance plus baekhyun , that is . a far too similar routine which she didn’t seem to mind considering it gave her the ability to disappear on end without impending questions . in fact, she made sure that jun personally received an invitation to whatever event had the means for an audience . it may have been cruel of her to flaunt a growing relationship in front of someone who had the potential to be more , especially in such a public setting where their love had to be seen as real . playing the part of something she once didn’t have to pretend shouldn’t be so difficult , but it just felt unnecessary at this point . she never bothered sharing her feelings with baekhyun  –  it’s not like their public image was impacted . if only she felt more secure , more wanted , needed , loved when they were together , it may have been different … would have been different . 

                  she waited an hour , enough time for her to make rounds around the room & play the fabricated facade she’s perfected over the years , but also more than enough time for the guests of the dinner to be drunk on expensive champagne . it’s like clockwork , & it seemed to work every time . she excuses herself then , politely , slipping through the crowd of mingling bodies before any objections could be made .  –  that was more than enough time for her to find herself in the confines of a locked coat closet , back pressed against the door with legs firmly wrapped around jun’s hips . the skirt she had so meticulously picked out now bundled at her waist with torn tights to match . she can’t help the almost pleading words which fall from swollen lips , each more desperate than the last . yet it only takes her a moment to process the jolt of the door against her spine & the more than familiar voice behind the frame .   ‘   fuck   —   '   the exasperated tone does all but match her actions , as she remains unmoving , maybe even tightens her hold around his frame .   ’   i swear to god , if you don’t ignore him . jun , i swear to fucking god .   ’

the  invitation  to  the  charity  event  was  SLIGHTLY  surprising  when  it  turned  up  in  the  mail  –  but  one  look  at  the  guest  list  was  all  it  took  for  jungwoo  to  understand  why  he'd  been  sent  one  as  well.  arden  and  her  parents  were  attending,  as  well  as  baekhyun,  all  three  happened  to  be  the  factors  in  which  jun  decided  to  show  up  as  well.  not  only  that,  he  then  decides  that  he's  going  to  turn  heads,  brand  new  &  heavily  tailored  suit  adorning  his  body  as  he  makes  his  rounds  around  the  room,  never  once  stopping  at  the  table  that  arden  happens  to  be  sitting  at  –  giving  that  group  space  though  his  eyes  do  happen  to  wander  towards  her  figure  here  &  there,  making  sure  that  she  saw  it  every  time  he  did,  the  smirk  on  his  lips  never  leaving  his  features  in  the  process.  god,  the  game  they  played  was  so  beyond  dangerous  but  that's   EXACTLY  why  jungwoo  was  addicted  to  it,  addicted  to  her..  &  the  jealousy  that  grows  in  the  pit  of  his  stomach  whenever  he  sees  her  and  baekhyun  sitting  together  is  fueling  the  flame  even  more.

"it is. but that was nothing compared to what i had to deal with a few months ago.” it was the truth. a small bruise was nothing at all to hana. it was just something small. sure it did piss her off.  especially seeing as she got punched too while trying to break it up. “i’m not like those other bars who have watered down alcohol. i go for the best. and nothing but the best.”  watered down alcohol was something she didn’t have at her bar & grill. to hana, having the best of everything was a must for the place. from the alcohol to the ingredients for the food. all of it was high quality. at the mention of a bouncer, she shrugged her shoulders “not really. but i’m starting to think i should get one now.”

                  it felt like more than a simple mistake on her part , it felt malignant , it felt like an anger that she hadn’t felt with anyone in years  –  all acted upon in the span of barely thirty - seconds . she asked herself for days if it was truly worth trying to contact him , the question passing through a mind muddled with inebriation & a desperation she couldn’t even begin to explain . but no matter how many times arden seemed to have the same thought , she always found herself being the one repeating the same apology to a voicemail for an automated voice to repeat the same message back every time : voicemail box is full . & considering how much newly found time she had on her hands , it gave her plenty of opportunities to replay the guilt she felt the moment her palm felt the sting of his cheek . more so the moments following with his immediate , wordless departure & her impending breakdown in the privacy of one of the side - rooms  –  one of which sent her home early , offering no explanation on her sudden going . to her , swollen eyes & the barely bleeding crescents of nails pressed to palms were enough .

                  a part of her was hoping he wouldn’t open the door , wouldn’t invite her in . it would give her the confirmation she needed to move on & attempt to forget whatever emotions she felt growing towards him . but it had never been that easy , & it never would be . she watches him for a moment , eyeing his appearance ; her guilt only grew as she did . there’s a hesitance in her step as she moves forward , crossing the doorframe to a home she felt less comfortable in at the moment . her gaze  instantly falls to her feet, fingers toying with the buttons lining her coat . fuck , everything she wanted to say for days seemed to disappear in a matter of seconds , & whatever composure she tried to maintain dissipated with every step she took .   ’   god , i’m so sorry .   ‘   she almost blurts out , body turning to face him , gaze following suit . the moment the words fell through lips , she was practically unable to stop whatever came next , everything she had been holding onto now composed into various drawls & pleas .   '   if you hate me   –   i get it … i get it . but if you want nothing to do with me ? you need to say it to my face . not by ignoring my texts , my calls , whatever . right now … say it .   '   with every statement , her voice grew more strained , throat tightening almost instinctively . she wants nothing more than for him to tell her the exact opposite , but she won’t push , won’t beg no matter how much she feels the need to .   ’   i’m sorry … but i’ll understand .   ’ 

that  night  had  replayed  in  jungwoo's  mind  many,  many  times  –  a  horrible  loop  that  seemed  to  follow  him  no  matter  what  he  tried  to  do  to  forget  about  it.  had  it  been  something  arden  had  wanted  to  do  to  him  for  a  while  ?  or  was  it  just  something  that  happened  to  be  a  completely  accident  ?  a  slip  of  the  mind  ?  he  wasn't  sure  –  but  alcohol,  drugs...  nothing  seemed  to  help  him  FORGET.  none  of  it  seemed  to  numb  him  enough  for  his  mind  to  just  stop  reminding  him,  not  enough  to  make  jun  stop  missing  her.  he's  listened  to  all  of  the  voicemails,  knows  that  each  &  every  one  of  them  sounded  beyond  sincere,  but  jungwoo  couldn't  bring  himself  to  call  her  back.  perhaps  it  was  just  his  way  of  trying  to  distance  himself  for  his  own  good  –  for  his  own  feelings.  a  way  to  pretend  that  he  doesn't  even  care  about  what  happened,  that  his  heart  doesn't  ache  over  the  distance  he's  put  between  himself  &  arden.  but  it  does,  nothing  he  can  tell  himself  or  try  to  convince  himself  of  beats  out  the  fact  that  it's  the  truth.  however,  his  ego  &  past  self  refuses  to  let  people  see  that  side  of  him,  far  too scared  it'd  come  across  as  weak...  and  that  wasn't  him  at  all.

“i’m fine.” she noted. she had a lot worse happen to her than a bruise that would end up forming on her cheek. so this was nothing to her. if anything, it was a small thing. nothing to serious. but it did piss her off. she had a strict rule of no fighting at her bar & grill. one that most people listened too. even her longtime customers followed it.  "you’re never that way when you’re here though.“ she pointed out.  and she was thankful for that. the fact that there were some people out there that didn’t fight at her bar & grill meant a lot. "i’ll do my best to let you know first. can’t make any promises though. especially if it looks like they might make a mess of things.”

                  “  like pretending is gonna make the experience any less traumatic for you.  ”  they giggle, crossing both arms over their chest.  “  i mean, it’s definitely your loss for not listening, then. it was a pretty extreme job and a once in a fucking lifetime kind of deal, i got compensated and never contacted again  —  the dream, as one would possibly call it.  ”  they smirk, scoffing at the other’s comment.  “  well, it’s easy to guess which one’s the most obvious choice.  and violence is never the answer  !  it’s only okay if someone really fucking deserves a nice crack in their nose.  ”  

unexpected  words  serve  as  enough  motivation  for  jaehwan  to  lift  his  head   ,   gaze  unsteady  as  he  looks  toward  jungwoo    —–    nerves   getting  the  best  of  him   ,   and   oh   ,   he  could  really  use  a  blunt  right  now  to  soothe  them   ,   but  a  medic  should  be  in  the   RIGHT   state  of  mind  whenever  he’s  on  duty   ,   right   ?   there’s  a  shake  of  his  head   ,   denying   something  he  hasn’t  even  been  accused  of  yet   .    ‘    i   —-    ’    jaehwan  starts  what  he  can’t  finish   :   an  explanation  for  his   strange   behaviour   .   he’s  never  been   normal   ,   but  he  certainly  has  been   trying   his  best  to  fit  in     —–   after  four  years   ,   he’s  still  lingering  on  the  outskirts  of  it  all   .   he  knows  where  his  loyalties  lie   ,   but  he  can’t  bring  himself  to  truly   immerse   himself  in  the   family   aspect  of  it  all   .     ‘    it’s  nothing  personal   …   i  just   …   usually  keep  to myself  aside  from  jobs  and  events  and  stuff   .   sorry  if  i’ve   …   offended   you   .    ’    gaze  is  down  yet  again   ,   merely  out  of  habit   ,   but  conversation  reminds  him  to  look  back  up  again   ,   even  trying  to   smile  a  little  in  the  other’s  direction   .

“they  both  have  their  ups  &  downs,  most  people  do.  i  guess  it  all  depends  on  what  kind  of  mood  i’m  in  at  the  time,  honestly.  they’re  both  GOOD,  there’s  no  question  there..  but  as  to  who’s  'better’?  i  think  we  all  know  my  answer.”