'em (p) tē

im gonna dig my own grave if any of my uni friends find this page

It's been three days and I don't know why I keep dreaming of you when all you do is hurt me

every day, it feels like i'm losing a piece of myself. i've stopped doing the things that used to bring me joy. i find myself pushing people away, while battling an overwhelming loneliness. being around people leaves me feeling drained. everything just seems to be too much. i'm just so tired of feeling this way, of feeling like i'm not myself anymore.

i cant understand how people can survive the guilt of killing someone when winning an argument haunt me this much

you're all alone in this world after all. because for us human, relationship and love are conditional and emotional, transactional almost. once that transaction can no longer take in pace, you will grow distance and people will drift away. in the end, it's just you and God.

hating both myself and everybody (or people in general) leaves me feeling quite alone

they call it 'situationship' not without a cause. you’re the sole one entwining your emotions in its gauze. It’s a path you’ve chosen, a game of your own device. you walked into the situation, got attached, paid the price. and it's your fault. you break your own heart. you walk into the situation and get attached all by choice. In this dance of love, or the lack thereof, you’re the player, the pawn, and the wounded dove.

I just woke up from a dream where I kill myself in that dream. It's raining and I was at a beach(?) and then, impulsively, I walked towards the water and merged myself in there. I had a good cry there for a minute or two. But then someone picked me up. It was someone I know, but I don't know who she is. She hugged me and I awkwardly hugged her as well, crying on her shoulder. I could feel that she cared about me, but we still have a gap between us.

kadang gue amazed (sekaligus takut) sama kemampuan stalking sosmed gue deh... kayak kok bisa dapet kok bisa tau WKWK... apa gue harus jaid private detective biar skill ini bisa tersalurkan...

tbtb bahan ovt gue keluAAAR semua kyk DuAAAAR anjg gue knp gini bgt. cape sm diri sendiri. pgn berenti jd aisya. knp ngeluh mulu sih

you don’t understand why i want to be with you, so here’s why. you’re my safe place. i don’t feel tired and fake and wrong with you, and i can tell you everything. you laugh at my jokes and smile when i smile and are excited with me. you get tired easily too and you’re too hard on yourself. you’re my person and i feel safer when you’re with me.

I finally experiencing my "glimpse of us" moment

i just want to disappear, i cant even cry. im SO fucked up rn. but telling anyone is just too humiliating.