a sliver of change;

 Jordan is still looking anywhere but at Devon the moment she starts talking, but at some point during all her words, she can’t help but look up. Devon isn’t looking at her, and she’s not sure is she’s relieved by it or not. She can feel her heartbeat speeding up, the beating against her chest and she tries, for all she’s worth, not to read too much into it. Because Devon can just care about her, and nothing else. But she still smiles softly. “ I… yeah…” She shakes her head slowly, trying to clear her mind. “ I care about you too, you know?.”

The more time that ticks past, the more that Devon thinks that she has monumentally screwed up. Of course people don’t like when weird girls invade their personal space to hug them when they’re upset. Obviously that’s exactly what they want. She is too caught up in internally berating herself that she almost misses Jordan’s reply, and the furious tirade in her head melts away. “Oh,” she says as a surprised but beatific smile curls her lips. “Okay, good. I mean, good as in... I’m glad that we... care... about each other.” The smile freezes a little in her utter mortification, and she quickly looks down. “I mean, you know what I’m... trying to say.” She hopes.

She closes her eyes the moment Devon’s arm circle around her body, turning just enough to hide her face against Devon’s neck, and she lingers in the hug for a moment too long. Maybe she doesn’t want it to end, maybe this is the most comfortable she’s felt the entire night and there’s something just right about the way Devon hugs her. She looks down the moment they part and gives light shrug, ignoring the heat she can feel on her face. “ I- … thank you.” She presses her lips shut together, clenching her jaw once, still not looking back up at Devon. No one has ever tell her she’s important, and she doesn’t know what else to say. Just that suddenly, she’s feeling somewhat better.

Devon can’t tell if she made a mistake by hugging Jordan or not. There’s a thin layer of awkwardness over them now, but the other girl isn’t kicking her out of her room, and the small thank you is enough for her. Giving Jordan another small smile, Devon takes another step back. “You’re welcome. My family, we’re not... well me and Cam aren’t big huggers. But Declan’s got it right I think. Hugs are one of the best ways to show someone you care when you suck at words,” she rocks back and forth on her heels, not daring to meet Jordan’s eyes. “So.. yeah, I just... yeah.”

She hums lightly in responde, looking back at the cookies. She knows this, or at least she supposes she does, it seems logical to her. Why have a child if you’re not gonna care for them? But then, this is all she’s ever known so how could she know for sure?. Jordan shrugs once more, almost downplaying the situation, as she’s done plenty of times before. “ I guess…” she whispers, and it’s soft, vulnerable in a way she wasn’t expecting to be, not tonight. Not in front of Devon. The question catches her off guard and she’s looks back at Devon with a blush growing on her cheeks. “ I… I mean… yeah… if you want, I… yeah, of course you can.”

She steps into her space before she can lose her nerve. Arms squeeze around her waist, tight enough to be a proper hug but not like she’s trying to kill her or something. She just wants to make Jordan feel better. So she knows that even if her parents suck, then she at least has Devon. The blonde just... really hopes that she knows that. Clearing her throat, she steps back and a blush crawls up the back of her neck. “I just... I think you’re important. And good. And deserve to be treated as well as anyone else. And your parents don’t know what they’re missing out on.”

She almost misses the contact, even when it was barely there and shakes her head at the apology with a gentle, wishing there wouldn’t be a shift in the air. That she wouldn’t had to notice the awkwardness hanging in the air. She half nods, half shrugs at the questions. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk about it with Devon, is more that she doesn’t know what to say or how to say it to make Devon understand that… that’s just her family. “ It’s… that’s just… they’re not… exactly fond of me.” Jordan shrugs again. It’s always been hard with her parents, and the moment she received her mark it just got worse. That she was used to it, didn’t make it any less easier. “ Me being a switch doesn’t match their idea of a golden kid, it’s fine Devon… It’s not like it was different at some point or whatever… I’m used to it.” 

Jordan doesn’t really respond to any of her questions and Devon hesitates. Maybe she’s being too aggressive again, and she tries to remember to count to three before saying what’s on her mind. “Parents who do that shouldn’t be parents,” she grumbles. It’s the simplest deal in the book and yet most parents couldn’t seem to grasp the concept. Devon also knew that a lot of parents abandoned kids if they were marked as Switches, or sobbed like they were going to be executed or something. “It’s not fine,” she insists, but her voice remains soft. She doesn’t know what to do, how to fix it. She just knows that seeing Jordan like this makes something in her gut twist uncomfortably. “Can I hug you?”

She follows Devon’s movements almost automatically, her gaze falling on the plate and it takes her all of a minute before reaching over to take it, still frowning to herself. She doesn’t catch Devon moving closer and feels the hand before she sees it, freezing in place. A deep blush coloring her face, feeling more nervous than she did before. “ I… huh…” She clears her throat faintly, looking down at the cookies. “ it’s… kinda the usual for me… it’s fine, just… a normal talk with my parents… it’s fine.”

The moment shatters, and Devon takes a step back, realizing that was way overstepping normal friend boundaries. “Sorry,” she mutters, one arm crossing over her body to hold the other, in a probably futile attempt to keep her hands from wandering. “Your parents?” The disgust is palpable in her voice, and wonders what it is with people having kids when they clearly shouldn’t. “Why does a normal talk with your parents make you cry?” As fucked up as her own family is, she can’t imagine her mom deliberately trying to hurt her feelings. Maybe her dad, but he didn’t exist anyways. “It’s not fine. That’s wrong.”

 Shaking her head, she steps aside to let Devon in. Offering a soft smile that she hopes come off as comforting and not as a grimace, looking down at the floor shyly. Suddenly overly conscious of the difference on her appearance and thankful too for the fact that Devon didn’t comment on it. “ Celebratory cookies sound amazing, and your baking goods are always amazing, regardless of my exams.” She tries to sound more cheerful than she actually feels, the argument with her parents still circling her mind. “ I… yeah, I’m… yeah, I’ll be fine… just, you know… the usual.”

There is a palpable awkwardness that hangs over them, one that Devon tries to break by passing the plate over to her friend, but it’s obvious that Jordan’s heart isn’t into it. She frowns, stepping closer and a hand raising to brush across her cheek before she pauses, blushing deeply. “Sorry, I just... this shouldn’t be usual,” she said softly. “Usual shouldn’t be crying to yourself at night. Who did it?”

Arguing with her parents was nothing new, that’s how their relationship seemed to work anyway. At least for as long as she could remember and still, everytime it happened, Jordan was left with a sinking feeling in her chest, a burning in her eyes from unshed tears and a growing need to simply disappear. She had threw her phone away by the time she heard someone knocking on her door and for a brief moment considered not opening. She looked up in surprise once she opened, not really expecting Devon to show up and her eyes fell to the tray of cookies on her hands. Jordan looked back up and nodded, shrugging lightly. “ Yeah… I mean… yeah I am, don’t worry about it.” She looked inside her room before stepping back. “ Wanna… uh… wanna come in? you okay?.”

Jordan brushes her off, not that Devon had been expecting her to open up immediately. Neither of them were much for deep conversations, at least not yet, but she still didn’t like the way Jordan seemed so down. “If you don’t mind?” Normally she just dropped the baked goods off and went back to her room but maybe Jordan could use a friend right now. “I’m.. yeah, I’m okay. Just thought I’d come by with some celebratory cookies since you definitely aced your exams. I’m speaking it into existence now.” She pauses slightly, before asking again. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Dropping by Jordan’s room with new recipes had become somewhat a habit at this point. The other girl hadn’t ever discouraged her from doing it, but every time she walked the familiar path towards Jordan’s room, she still felt like maybe she was overstepping her boundaries. But time after time, she still found herself in front of her door, knocking with a plate of cookies in one hand. Tonight was different however, in that Jordan was without her signature makeup and piercings, and Devon almost didn’t recognize her. There was a certain softness to her, and a sadness in her eyes that she hated seeing. “Jordan? I... Are you okay?”

CAM: Why would she be freaked out by you?

CAM: Ah, yes. I'm aware. I'm not in the business of opening my home too much to Switches, either, but you and Declan get exceptions. If she's good to you and you trust her, I don't mind.

DEVON: Idk you never know. What if she thinks I'm weird or something?

JORDAN: Yeah i get it... i mean, to some extent but yeah i do understand what you mean :p im glad you get to spend time with him tho.

JORDAN: i have all the faith, just... y'know... i'm not worth you fighting with the teachers :p

JORDAN: perfect! I am too (: and if you recommend the place, i'm sure it's great ;).

DEVON: I'm just lucky he never got too old to spend time with his baby sister.

DEVON: Psh says you. I think you're worth a little detention.

JORDAN: yeah i get it, it's still nice tho. you don't see him often, right?

JORDAN: lol as much as i'd love to see that, please don't... wouldn't want to see you get in trouble bc of me :p

JORDAN: oh... awesome! yeah ofc! i'll be waiting c:

DEVON: It's not like I never get to see him, but we used to live together so it's still a little weird not seeing him every day.

DEVON: Pls have a little more faith. I wouldn't get in trouble :3

CAM: I promise not to be mean. If she's important to you, she's more than welcome to join us. I don't mind, you know that.

CAM: As in.. sucks how?

DEVON: Okay then I'll ask her if she can. I know, but still. I don't want her to get freaked out by me.

JORDAN: nice! that sounds like an amazing day and im glad you get to spend time with your brother too.

JORDAN: they'd be professors... and im not /that/ smart, but thank you c:

JORDAN: we could... if you want... we could do something later? after you're done with your brother?... idk... get ice cream? or smth...

DEVON: Yeah I mean, I don't want like a big whole thing, you know? It's just one text, but any excuse I can get to spend time with Cam, I'll take it.

DEVON: I'll fight 'em if they disagree, professors or not

CAM: Ugh, Devon.

CAM: Oh, so she's important.

CAM: I just need her to know she's not allowed to hurt you. I won't be mean, or scare her off. But needs to know you're special.

DEVON: Yeah... she kinda is.

DEVON: /IF/ she hurts me, that's part of life. And I don't think she would do it on purpose either. But as long as you promise not to be mean, then... maybe I'll ask if she wants to come over sometime during the holiday break.

CAM: I haven't been?

CAM: My dear sister, scaring is what I do.

DEVON: No, you're not and you never will be. Otherwise I'll have to make you less boring.

CAM: Ass.

CAM: Mm, no, I think I'm good with being a boring professor.

CAM: Oooh, okay. Am I allowed to meet her?

DEVON: Learned it from you :*

DEVON: You've never been boring in your life.

JORDAN: :$. I just thought you deserve a congratulation... hopefully you'll get to celebrate?.

JORDAN: they're going good... i think i aced psychoanalysis and biology but have to wait 'till it's published :p

DEVON: My brother is buying me some stuff from a new bakery and we're going to walk around Manor Park for a bit. I haven't seen him in a while so it'll be nice to catch up.