I Swear I'd Drive All Night Again

I doubt anyone I used to be friends with on here are still here. I may as well do a little update in case anyone still checks this page though i doubt that because I didn't have any asks waiting for me in my inbox, not gonna lie that hurt my feelings 😆 but i mean, I'm pretty forgettable so should I really be so surprised? Life goes on in its shiny new corvette and leaves me at the bus stop two towns back.

Alright, enough with the pity party, I could write a book on how sorry i feel for myself, I'll be nice and only share with you a few paragraphs.

Not much has happened to me in the last however many years its been (I'm currently writing this 12/01/24, of which I'm mentioning because tumblr has always been anti timestamp). I have been single since 2018, like completely alone no dating or hook ups -- i was part of 4B long before it was cool 😎 I'm diabetic as of last year which is a huge bummer but not for big pharma who finally managed to get me in their grasp. I still work as a barber and have accepted my fate that this is the best i can do in life. I got a dog in 2021 he's a corgi named Charlie. Oh! And i met Alec Baldwin on my birthday this year, he was at a convention and i stalked him the whole time got a photo with him and an autograph, althoughp i kicked myself afterwards because I didn't make any small talk with him i was so nervous. I would share my picture with him but again, no one is reading this so just trust me on this: It was the greatest birthday ever. I don't think I've left my state and traveled for multiple hours like that since 2017? The things i do for love. Alec was polite but didn't go out of his way to be friendly. Which i expect, the man is an elitist who is doing conventions now with us peasants charging a hefty price for autographs and photos. But he sure is handsome though 😍

Oh yeah and I'm still not over my ex. The one I've droned on and on about all throughout this blog in the last how many years its been. I haven't seen him in almost 10 years but he stays fresh in my memories. I haven't found anyone else because i keep looking for him in others. I compare every potential suiter to him, and in nearly 10 years after all my searching thus far i can confirm that no out there can even come close to him.

My sweet lovely friend, the feeling is mutual ♥️ if you have twitter and ever need me I'm @ carobear_o

Or insta @ caroline.not.lyn

Now i wish i hadn't been so cold to you when you came back into my life briefly, though you deserved it, i wish i had held onto you and not pushed you away. I wish i had known then that i would regret it. But i thought better things were waiting for me in the future, and maybe if i held onto you then i would be surrendering what could be. I'm not happy to report that 4 years since i have spoken to you, not much had changed. I didn't meet my prince charming, I didn't gain full independence. And i suspect it will stay that way for much longer than i would like.

What you offered me 4 years ago wasn't commitment, it wasn't a hope of something more; it was a good time. I was disgusted back then, but as i look back now i wish i had taken whatever you were willing to give. It was the right thing for me to say no, but years later it feels wrong.... It feels like i missed out and i have lost you forever because of my self-righteousness. No one could ever understand my attraction to you, or our deep emotional bond, nor could they understand how much i look up to you, or how much i needed and still need your guidance, as well as your affection.

I will always be looking for you: on the sidewalks when i'm driving through your part of town, in the aisles of the stores i go to, in the cars driving around me hoping to see you in my rearview mirror, or at work hoping one day you will walk through the doors again like you did in 2016.

If i could go back in time i would stop myself from becoming friends with you, i would have stayed with the others and left you to your group. You taught me a lot, and you helped me even more, but was it worth it? Was a lifetime of mourning you and being haunted by the memories worth it?