What Did You Expect?

dead wife who was MEAN and slept without a TOP SHEET and only went to the beach when it was OVERCAST to SCOWL at the waves

Won’t lie, if I were having a rough time and the office himbos brought me mac and cheese I would be cured.

We can't jerk off or ibuprofen our way out of this one fellas

you know when little kids are told to smile for the camera and they do the biggest grin bc they aren’t self conscious about their teeth yet they just give it their all.. that’s wat this looks like

What is the name and address

Excuse me could someone send me the name or address or both of the club this person was tweeting about

Which club

its payment for every weeb who goes to japan and thinks anime is real

I got fined for forgetting to scan my ticket while riding a train in france, and after the officer left, the guy sitting across from me got very serious and said "shit... happens" then looked so proud of himself when I smiled at that.

im proud of him too

I like to imagine that the reason you can whip around those floors at warp speed and so smoothly is that you’re running through the museum with a pair of wool socks on.

i thought the eyewitness vhs museum was a real place when i was a kid. i wasn’t a total idiot, i knew there were a few vfx things going on, but i thought it was filmed in an actual museum

In other news, I’ve started saying “well that’s showbiz babey!!!” in an obnoxious voice to myself every time I start thinking too hard about shitty stuff that happened to me in the past and it has a 90% success rate in making my brain go “hm well I suppose that IS showbiz” and stop dwelling on whatever it is.

Works best if I imagine myself wearing shades and a tacky outfit while holding a cigar and sitting in an office with my feet up on a table.

*buzzer noise* OP, in this post you stated you were "laying pipe". Unfortunately, due to the circumference, wall thickness, and ellipsoid cross-section-shape of your penis, I'm afraid you were merely "laying tube". Please delete this post and try again.

The last of the classically trained tumblrinas

This is far funnier than I thought it would be. The lack of context on some of these is both brilliant and making me want to find and watch Tom Scott's videos.