i've got skeletons i hide

4:19 am and all i can think about is how absolutely CRUSHED i was when my high school crush test drove his promposal to another girl...on ME. the boy was in a ceramics class i think? and he made a little ceramic heart with the word “prom?” on it. he and i were pretty close friends i guess. idk. so he handed it to me in one of my classes with zero context. of course i’m there, shook to the max, no idea how to react as he looked at me smiling. my heart was beating a thousand times a minute. “...huh?” i ask. and he laughs in my face and says “yeah that’s how i’m gonna ask ____! is it bad? should i do something else?” CRUSHED. i literally had nothing to say - i didn’t know WHAT to say. so i shrugged as he continued to contemplate on how to ask her. i tried to hand the little heart back, but he told me to keep it. i don’t know where it is at the moment, but i know i still have it, because i’m a hoarder of things and feelings. it’s funny looking back now, but damn did that hurt in the moment. lol as if i ever thought he’d ask me though, right? he was way too cool and i was always a dweeb. a friend of mine always makes fun of me for segregating the “cool” kids from back in high school (she says her high school didn’t have cliques, but i always felt like mine had them deep down under the “everyone knows and likes each other” façade) from everyone else, but this guy was definitely a cool kid. a bad boy. and there i was, lil miss goody two shoes, thinking the promposal was actually for me. hilarious. well now i’m mad because i’m realizing that all my high school life blurbs always sound like snippets from YA novels that just stayed snippets. i never got the full deal lol