Swallowing Bones

so I’ve had a couple requests for sephora tips, and I’ve decided to make a sort of guide, which I’ll add to over time.

- never ever just go in, lift, and leave, unless you’re grabbing something and leaving immediately. I mean just one thing. this is suuuuuper sus.

- look around and test out shades. if an SA approaches you, always have a question ready. “I’m looking for a more full coverage foundation, I want a very blue red lipstick, etc.” make that question about something you’ll be near while lifting, so if you hang around it isn’t as sus.

- test, test, test. look interested in makeup, and new to high end stuff. wide eyes are better than bored ones.

- carry a bag from somewhere else that’s deep enough to shut at the top. ex. forever 21 bags.

- I find it helps to carry a smaller purse, and have like, a hat or a pair of gloves or something (in the winter), that you can shuffle around in the bag, so if an SA spots you mid-conceal, or comes around a corner, etc, you can grab your gloves/hat/etc and put them on like you’re getting ready to leave the mall.

- listen to SA’s on their headsets. sometimes they will be staring at someone and saying something like “so and so needs a bag.” most of the time they’re just asking each other if they have specific items in stock.

- never lift from a JC penny Sephora. period.

- if you lift from sephora and feel weird after, go to a place people usually don’t go, like in a tailor shop or quilts etc. go some place mall security wouldn’t look for a young person, or a person like you, and then leave the mall. no, don’t go lifting more. leave. now. come back another week.

- it helps to be carrying something expensive with you, or wearing it. I have an Aldo bag that works, but I’ve also seen Chanel or D&G sunglasses work. look expensive. have expensive taste.

- if an SA asks you what you’re wearing for makeup now, to “help you find the answer to the question you asked them”, always say something expensive. “oh just Nars Sheer Glow and a little Bare Minerals powder.” fake expensive taste, and you’ll seem less sus.

- wear lipstick in a noticeable shade. I’m not kidding. wearing a bright bold lip will make it look like you know what you’re doing. if you don’t, go in on a day you won’t be lifting (from sephora), and ask for a tutorial on how to do a lip. colours I’ve had work best (to make SA’s leave me alone, are bold reds, dark reds, black, violet, and bold pink. I haven’t tried unnatural shades like Lilac or blue yet, but I assume they’ll get a similar response. this is actually my best tip, because brows and lips are so high up on what customers ask about, and their highest-sold items.

- don’t wear headphones. I dunno why, but every time I’ve been in while wearing headphones I’ve been customer serviced to death. might just be my area,but I’d recommend against them.

- don’t wear a beanie. you look slubbish. you want to give off the air you’re a bad bitch and they can go help other people.

- wear heels. you look classier, and you’ll be followed less cause SA’s will always feel like they know where you are (if not what you’re doing).

- don’t go in with a fucking shoebox in a bad. it just makes them watch you, because they so obviously can’t see in the box and it’s an obvious conceal container. use a bag with clothing, not jewelry or anything, but clothing in it. don’t lift using a shoebox at a small-size item store jfc.

- take pictures. if an SA shows you a product and won’t go away, take a picture of said item. you’ll look genuinely interested.

- if you’re about to leave but feel like someone is maybe onto you, stop and play with a foundation. ask for help finding your shade, and ask for a sample. the whole process takes so long that an LP usually gets less sus, if you act sincerely interested. talk about your current foundation (use an expensive one,) and say it breaks you out a bit, or dries you out. make it sound worse. have a conversation.

- when leaving, do not look around at other people. do not. ever. always go from looking at a product, checking your phone/the time, then leave. this works well. it also works to fake a phone call, saying “yeah, I’m just in sephora, I’m leaving in two seconds. where did you want to meet? okay! see you soon.” mentioning the store is actually pretty helpful.

- be fucking nice. always. not drippingly sweet, but nice.

if anyone has any tips, send them my way and I’ll add on to this list!!