things don't get better, just different

Believe it or not, I am actually not mentally ill on purpose

Made the mistake of reading the suicide notes I wrote in December #nightruined

Reblogged a post onto here that upon closer inspection was actually a heated rivalry post 💀

The thing is I think its too late. Even if someone loved me the way I needed, even if someone could love me, it wouldnt help. I wouldnt be able to accept it and it wouldnt help.

Met with the psychiatrist at php today and she confirmed the BPD diagnosis so like. Maybe there's something to that lol. Im not really surprised but I am a little surprised. Idk. Much to think about.

Also im not going back to iop! Because im going to php instead -_-

Dear John came on my playlist and I just remembered that time my mom was yelling at me essentially for exhibiting traits of mental illness and was like "you're acting like an abused child" and like. Ive got a personality disorder now so maybe you should've seen that and been concerned instead of angry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but what do I know

Writing emo fanfiction and wondering if you still have to have a sitter if youre on 1:1 observation in the hospital if you have a visitor and trying to think back to how it was when I was on 1:1 and then remembering that nobody visited me then lol 🙃

Well that sucked. And now i have to go back to iop.

Guess who has to stay in the ER until 10 am (11 hours) to talk to a psychiatrist!

Ok I'm stupid

Hm